H left 5 week ago was out the night before with OW. Sz he does not know what he wants but does know that he does not want to be with me anymore does not love me should not have came back 2 yrs ago (no Affair) was gone for 2 weeks sz he came back for our sons sake and thought that everything else would fall into place. Sz he tried for 1 1/2 yrs but nothing. Sz he made his final decision at xmas time. I asked him why did you not leave then he sz he did not know what he wanted or what he was doing. Says A was just a coinsodence and that was his way out. I told H that I still love him and that the door is open if he wishes to return and go for counselling he sz that would be great if both of us wanted to work at it. OW still living with H sz he is a no good bum never worked in a year but he takes care of the kids in the evening while she works and then while she is out with my H after work. He invited her to a paddling session he had 2 weeks after he had left and he invited my son to go watch him as well. I told him that was low and he said that he never even thought of me being there with our son. H comes to the house every 2nd night for supper with our son and spends the evening with him. I cook supper for all of us my friends say I am nuts for doing this stuff that I am only going to get hurt more and he is getting the best of both worlds. H was a great H and father and I did not see this coming at all and H sz I was not suppose to see it coming. I have no idea what to do here wait to see what happens or go on with my life with my son. And how long does it usually take for the fog or honeymoon period to end? We have been married 15 years. <P>------------------<BR>I Still Love Him

ISLH,<P>I feel your pain and send hugs out to you.<BR>You need to read all of the info that is on this site, look at the Plan A and Plan B, and figure out which it is that will work in your situation. <P>Read as much as you can and keep posting here there are lots of people here that will support you. Just keep letting us helpp and support.<P>I leave you with a bible verse that I found helpful:<P>But a man who commits adultery lacks judgement: whoever does so destroys himself. Proverbs 6:32<P><BR>Keep a smile on your face and make'em wonder!!!<P>Take care, daybreak

Sounds like typical mid-life crisis. Read up on this subject. It may help you to understand.<P>How long it will take for the fog to clear varies. Affairs usually die before 6 months once they are exposed. Some affairs last 2 years or more but this is less likely.<P>WS's say many things while they are with the OW. It is like they have become aliens and are controlled by the OP.<P>Hang in there! Things will get better eventually.

Thanks for the letters of encouragement. H was here last night and aat sharp 9pm he hurried our son off to bed so that he could leave OW does not work Wed or Thrus nights so I told him if he needed to leave I would put our son to bed he is 12 years old and having a hard time with all of this. He asked his father 2 weeks ago crying when he was coming back home and H said for him to except the fact that he is not coming back this time. H told me that it is not a midlife crisis he has just seen things differently. H sz that he is sleeping better now and not drinking on the weekends now. H sz he is much happier now. But did admit to me that I did not react the way he thought that I was going to. This is very frusterating. I told H any night that he would like to come and stay at the house here with our son to let me know and I would arrange to go stay somewhere else for the night, H sz oh yeah now you go leave I said yes but I will be back in the morning. Then he sz where would you go stay? I told him that he gave up that right to know where i was going in May. H told me that when he gave up totally was New Years we were suppose to go out to a party and stay the night at a friends house but our sitter backed out and I would not take our son and leave him at our friends house and go check on him periodically H sz that he seen nothing wrong with our son staying there by himself. I told H that we have responsibilities and two dogs so we cannot come and go overnight as we please and leave the dogs for 12 hours at a time. I said that cannot be the full reason for you killing our marriage h sz that he lied about why he came back the last time and after he was back for a month I found him up until 3 am every night chatting ont the computer he said did that not tell you something there that I was looking. When I told him i did not like him chatting I told him to come and chat with me H never chatted on the computer again. She is a waitress where he plays darts. And on weekends when he comes to see our son he is so tired from being up all night meeting her after 2 am that he sleeps most of the time here in the chair and looks like death. All my friends say that he is going to crash at some point because he cannot keep up this pace. I just hope that it is not our son that suffers for it. I told him one day that the ball is in his court and I am willing to work on our marriage H said to me "how can you say that after what I have done to you" and I looked at him and said because I Love You and he just walked away. I told h how i wanted to do more things and go away more as a family and together and he said I hope you do but it wont be with me and that is what makes me think that his is serious and really means it this time. Thanks for listening<P>------------------<BR>I Still Love Him