If you read all my posts under GQ II, Prayer, and Plan A & B you will know the whole story. I don't know what's worse my H being very rude and distant from me or being overly nice like he was yesterday. I caught him in another cover-up lie. He called and said he was supposed to be home at a certain time but wasn't. Then where he said he was at did not make sense either. I just let it go and acted like there was nothing wrong when he got home. I think he was either talking to OW or looking at a house one of the Police Officers he works is going to rent. My H mentioned that this officer told him if he needed a place to stay he could there with him. My H told him that things were not BAD at home BUT they were NOT GOOD. How do I keep him from moving out, plus with a single man with no responsibilities like children. When my H mentioned this to me a couple of days ago he said he was just thinking about it only for now. Then I told him I understood he may need sometime but I felt he should be alone to think. I told him to ask Dr. Harley in next week session. He said he would but he thought he needed to make that decision on his own.<P>Then last night we went over to some friends house to visit some of their relatives that were here from Florida visiting. I could tell my H was kind of uncomfortable. None of our friends knows what's going on. Around 10:10pm last night I wanted to go home I had to work the next day plus our twin girls were tired. My H told them he would drop us off and go back to their house. When we got in the car I told my H that I heard they were ready to leave because some of them had to work the next day too. Then he said he was going to drop us off because he had somthing to drop off at the Police Station. I asked him if he could just stay home, please, he could drop that off the next night when he went back to work. He got really quiet. I could tell he was upset. When we got home I asked what was wrong, then he finally told me that I made him VERY upset just a little while ago. He said I doing it again, controlling him making him do what I want. I said I was scared and he's never home at night because he works third shift and I just wanted him home. I felt like he is trying to escape. I told him I feel really lonely. Then he mentioned the OW that she's at work anyway and he feels lonely too & it's not because of the OW. I told him that we didn't need to talk about the OW anymore like we agreed the other day. He said he needed to get away to think. He said he was sorry and I said I was sorry and he understood why I did it. I told him I understand too. He said he REALLY having a HARD time with this and he's really TRYING VERY hard. <P>I read in website that when H feels anger towards me or hears demands it makes the OW appear to be the only one who cares. <P>I found something in his wallet that came out of a magazine that he or OW tore out. It was a horoscope that said there will be a new love come in your life. You will change and make major change and this new love will be your lost sole mate. My H is really thinking we are through.<P>He does sleep in our bed when he's home. For the 10 years that we have been married we have always snuggled or had part of our bodies touching each other. Now if he touches me he IMMEDIATELY pulls away. He even has wrapped covers around him so we don't touch. Now he's getting to the point where he even hates to kiss me good-bye. Everyday he seems to be doing something that makes himself more distant from me.<P>Any suggestions or what I can do to prevent this. Why is this happening? Will it ever get any better?<P>I feel very weak. Like I said we have been really close all these years up to May 29, 2001 and everything has changed. He says he's been lying to himself and faking all these years (6yrs). When I tell him I felt his love and happiness he gets really upset and says no one can tell him how he feels.<P>LoveMess

Hi Lovemess,<P>I'm bumping you up to the top again, but also wanted to comment on this part of your post:<P>"I found something in his wallet that came out of a magazine that he or OW tore out. It was a horoscope that said there will be a new love come in your life. You will change and make major change and this new love will be your lost sole mate. My H is really thinking we are through."<P>What is it about these men? It's like they hit a certain age and go straight back to being naive little boys all over again! Suddenly they have to 'find themselves', 'find their destiny', 'find their soulmate'. It just makes you want to scream at them 'Grow Up!' and give them a damn good clip of the ear . My husband is doing the same things, saying the same things - as are a lot of the other WS's on this site. Believe me, this is NOT some sudden spiritual awakening on a planetary level that only affects married people. It's called a Mid Life Crisis, plain and simple. He will come out of it - it may take some time - but he WILL grow up and he WILL learn from this. At the moment his brain has turned to jelly, he's totally confused, totally screwed up and is grabbing at anything that might give him answers to his questions - anything. His male ego will absolutely refuse to admit that it could possibly be a Mid Life Crisis of course, Oh No, that would NEVER happen to him...he know's deep down inside that what he is doing is stupid, but he can't accept that so he has to find ways to justify it to himself (never mind that to the rest of the world it just makes him look even more stupid!).<P>The more I read other's posts here on MB's, the more I realise that everything my husband says to me is just nonsense - the more faith I have that everything will be OK in the end. Eventually you just have pity for them - poor, confused little boys! (not meaning to cause any offence to our more level-headed male posters here - MLC don't happen to everyone, thank goodness). Unfortunately we can't protect them - they have to learn from their own mistakes, and learn they will - eventually. <P>As for the lies and deceit - they are lying to themselves just as much as they are lying to you - again, it's just desperate attempts to justify their actions. It doesn't mean anything.<P>Hang in there - it's just a moment in time and it will pass. Just remember to take everything he says with a BIG pinch of salt, keep your faith and hope alive and above all try to stay steady as a rock for him, the 'light in the harbour', he needs you more than he knows right now.<P>hugs, Paint.<P>

Where are you at and how long did it take to get there. Are you with your husband? How did you make him come around. Did he show the distance my H has been doing? <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Paintbox:<BR><B>Hi Lovemess,<P>I'm bumping you up to the top again, but also wanted to comment on this part of your post:<P>"I found something in his wallet that came out of a magazine that he or OW tore out. It was a horoscope that said there will be a new love come in your life. You will change and make major change and this new love will be your lost sole mate. My H is really thinking we are through."<P>What is it about these men? It's like they hit a certain age and go straight back to being naive little boys all over again! Suddenly they have to 'find themselves', 'find their destiny', 'find their soulmate'. It just makes you want to scream at them 'Grow Up!' and give them a damn good clip of the ear . My husband is doing the same things, saying the same things - as are a lot of the other WS's on this site. Believe me, this is NOT some sudden spiritual awakening on a planetary level that only affects married people. It's called a Mid Life Crisis, plain and simple. He will come out of it - it may take some time - but he WILL grow up and he WILL learn from this. At the moment his brain has turned to jelly, he's totally confused, totally screwed up and is grabbing at anything that might give him answers to his questions - anything. His male ego will absolutely refuse to admit that it could possibly be a Mid Life Crisis of course, Oh No, that would NEVER happen to him...he know's deep down inside that what he is doing is stupid, but he can't accept that so he has to find ways to justify it to himself (never mind that to the rest of the world it just makes him look even more stupid!).<P>The more I read other's posts here on MB's, the more I realise that everything my husband says to me is just nonsense - the more faith I have that everything will be OK in the end. Eventually you just have pity for them - poor, confused little boys! (not meaning to cause any offence to our more level-headed male posters here - MLC don't happen to everyone, thank goodness). Unfortunately we can't protect them - they have to learn from their own mistakes, and learn they will - eventually. <P>As for the lies and deceit - they are lying to themselves just as much as they are lying to you - again, it's just desperate attempts to justify their actions. It doesn't mean anything.<P>Hang in there - it's just a moment in time and it will pass. Just remember to take everything he says with a BIG pinch of salt, keep your faith and hope alive and above all try to stay steady as a rock for him, the 'light in the harbour', he needs you more than he knows right now.<P>hugs, Paint.<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

Lovemess<P>If your H decides to move out it's not the end of the world, although it probably feels like it to you right now. By that I mean that it may help their A progress through the stages even faster. I certainly don't recommend you to encourage this but your WS sounds exactly like mine was.<P>My WS refused to touch or talk to me for a while before he moved out,(I asked him to after I found out about the A-not a good idea) but now that he is living with her I don't have to put up with him going back and forth. He is getting less and less restless when he's around to visit-he used to constantly look at his watch.<P>I wish I could tell you that I was in recovery now but I'm not. So try to encourage your H to stay with you but if he decides to leave you can still work on your M<P>Good luck to you!

<B><BR>I found something in his wallet that came out of a magazine that he or OW tore out. It was a horoscope that said there will be a new love come in your life. You will change and make major change and this new love will be your lost sole mate. My H is really thinking we are through.<BR></B><P>Change is coming in love alright. It all ready has. He just doesn't realize he will rediscover you and he in a whole new light. Theres always more then one answer to a question.<P><B><BR>Now if he touches me he IMMEDIATELY pulls away. He even has wrapped covers around him so we don't touch. Now he's getting to the point where he even hates to kiss me good-bye.<BR></B><P>This is very typical behavior of an affair. I did these things as well. I felt very uncomfortable touching my wife, as I felt guilty about what I was doing to her. I also felt at times I was cheating on (xOW). However, I went on and made excuses for myself, and said things like "How about no strings attached sex?" LOL whatever that means.. Regardless saying things like that to myself or to my wife didn't help me in anyway. As I still felt guilty.<P><B><BR>I read in website that when H feels anger towards me or hears demands it makes the OW appear to be the only one who cares.<BR></B><P>True. In my case, my wife said a few negative things one time, and I would blow them up completely. Justifying my postion and actions. I also didn't need her to tell me "She was angry about what I was doing" I made all that up completely on my own with paranoid delusions. So whats that mean you might ask? Well... She very rarely showed any type of outbursts towards me. She wasn't mad, she was hurt, and upset at what was going on. At times i'm sure she was mad at me directly, however. She never showed that side to me. At least when she did, it was few and far. So I everything else "I assumed" I destroyed her at points, so I figured she must be pissed. After all whats that common phrase we hear? "If you ever cheat on me I will kill you". Pretty common thing to hear. In reality... it's much different as we all learn. But as an xWS I had expected that responce from her. So I expected the unexpected. In fact I remember the day I admitted the truth. She was shaking, and rocking back and forth on the couch. It was very strange for me, I never took my eyes off her. I assumed she was going to get very irrational, perhaps try and harm me or herself. I had no idea what to expect. So I expected everything. Was I paranoid? Hell yes I was.<P><B><BR>I don't know what's worse my H being very rude and distant from me or being overly nice like he was yesterday.<BR></B><P>I was very rude and distant with my wife as well. However when I had fights or problems with (XOW) I was overly nice with her. Even said at one point I was done with (XOW) and I would work on the marriage. Turns out I had a much longer journey ahead of me to really leave the fog / see reality clearly.<P><B><BR>He said he needed to get away to think.<BR></B><P>Used that line myself. (In reality.) I don't want to feel the guilt anymore, I can't look you in the face anymore Knewjie, I can't look at myself any more either. I need to get out and away, and figure things out. I was also still involved with (XOW) at the time.<P>Plan A, Post and Read anything you can.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers, Hugs, and Strength from both of us. Things do and can get better. Keep hoping, learning, and growing. Take care of yourself.<P>[H] and Knewjie

Hi again Lovemess,<P>d-day was 13th April. He 'moved out' into a hotel the next day, then later got an apartment. He's still in the apartment. His relationship with the OW (a 'soulmate' affair that went PA just the once), has been blowing hot and cold for some time - she's confused, he's confused. The OW is married too, but no kids. I have been trying to stay completely stable in my words and actions. I have made a 'plan' and I am sticking to it - which helps a lot. He is beginning to appreciate my stability, I think. At the moment I am in Plan A - I am doing my best to be a good friend to him, someone he can turn to when things get rough, someone he can talk to freely (and yes, I get all the 'missing OW' stuff too!). He foes from being completely certain that he wants to be with her one day, then the next day he is 'confused' and 'unsure'. I have told him that the most precious gift I can give him is time, that I won't pressure him to do anything, that I have completely removed any anger, resentment or bitterness from my heart and replaced those negative emotions with Forgiveness, Patience, Compassion and Love. I know that he appreciates that I am not putting any more pressure on him (which she is still doing in various ways), and he appreciates the fact that I am not changing my mind every few minutes (unlike OW). I think he also realises that I respect his decisions (unlike OW who has broken 'no contact' agreements twice so far). <P>We are getting on very well together, he has said that he enjoys my company and he often seeks it out by calling and asking if he can come over etc. My aim, or plan, is to be the 'light in the harbour' for him. Something strong, secure and steady for him to hang on to in the midst of all this confusion. However - I am also ready to go to Plan B if his relationship with her develops and they start dating again (at the moment it's only e-mails). I'm prepared for this to happen, almost expecting it - as I think this situation might have to get worse before the bubble bursts and he comes to his senses!<P>I am currently on Prozac, which is helping a great deal to keep me clear-minded and level-headed, and I am also doing a lot of meditation, self-affirmations, journal writing etc., to boost myself up and get my emotions out in a positive way. It all helps.<P>Hope you found this useful!<BR>hugs, Paint.

[H] is there anyway you can talk some sense into my husband. He feels like he's the only one who has ever felt like this. He's also scared of the future and if it doesn't work if he stays in the marriage. He says he will try but will not make any promises. He thinks he should see immediate results. How long did it take for your "fog" to start to clear. With his job in Law Enforcement the atmosphere there is affairs are okay and common and so is divorce. He works third shift and he has enough seniority to work first. I wish he could work first shift to get back to somewhat of a normal life. I'm home alone 6 nights out of the week. Get back to me... Thanks, LOVEMESS<BR>maybe you could email my husband at our home email which is: abubbaheidi@aol.com if you don't want to I would understand. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by [H]:<BR><B><BR>I found something in his wallet that came out of a magazine that he or OW tore out. It was a horoscope that said there will be a new love come in your life. You will change and make major change and this new love will be your lost sole mate. My H is really thinking we are through.<BR></B><P>Change is coming in love alright. It all ready has. He just doesn't realize he will rediscover you and he in a whole new light. Theres always more then one answer to a question.<P><B><BR>Now if he touches me he IMMEDIATELY pulls away. He even has wrapped covers around him so we don't touch. Now he's getting to the point where he even hates to kiss me good-bye.<BR></B><P>This is very typical behavior of an affair. I did these things as well. I felt very uncomfortable touching my wife, as I felt guilty about what I was doing to her. I also felt at times I was cheating on (xOW). However, I went on and made excuses for myself, and said things like "How about no strings attached sex?" LOL whatever that means.. Regardless saying things like that to myself or to my wife didn't help me in anyway. As I still felt guilty.<P><B><BR>I read in website that when H feels anger towards me or hears demands it makes the OW appear to be the only one who cares.<BR></B><P>True. In my case, my wife said a few negative things one time, and I would blow them up completely. Justifying my postion and actions. I also didn't need her to tell me "She was angry about what I was doing" I made all that up completely on my own with paranoid delusions. So whats that mean you might ask? Well... She very rarely showed any type of outbursts towards me. She wasn't mad, she was hurt, and upset at what was going on. At times i'm sure she was mad at me directly, however. She never showed that side to me. At least when she did, it was few and far. So I everything else "I assumed" I destroyed her at points, so I figured she must be pissed. After all whats that common phrase we hear? "If you ever cheat on me I will kill you". Pretty common thing to hear. In reality... it's much different as we all learn. But as an xWS I had expected that responce from her. So I expected the unexpected. In fact I remember the day I admitted the truth. She was shaking, and rocking back and forth on the couch. It was very strange for me, I never took my eyes off her. I assumed she was going to get very irrational, perhaps try and harm me or herself. I had no idea what to expect. So I expected everything. Was I paranoid? Hell yes I was.<P><B><BR>I don't know what's worse my H being very rude and distant from me or being overly nice like he was yesterday.<BR></B><P>I was very rude and distant with my wife as well. However when I had fights or problems with (XOW) I was overly nice with her. Even said at one point I was done with (XOW) and I would work on the marriage. Turns out I had a much longer journey ahead of me to really leave the fog / see reality clearly.<P><B><BR>He said he needed to get away to think.<BR></B><P>Used that line myself. (In reality.) I don't want to feel the guilt anymore, I can't look you in the face anymore Knewjie, I can't look at myself any more either. I need to get out and away, and figure things out. I was also still involved with (XOW) at the time.<P>Plan A, Post and Read anything you can.<P><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

[H] is there anyway you can talk some sense into my husband. He feels like he's the only one who has ever felt like this. He's also scared of the future and if it doesn't work if he stays in the marriage. He says he will try but will not make any promises. He thinks he should see immediate results. How long did it take for your "fog" to start to clear. With his job in Law Enforcement the atmosphere there is affairs are okay and common and so is divorce. He works third shift and he has enough seniority to work first. I wish he could work first shift to get back to somewhat of a normal life. I'm home alone 6 nights out of the week. Get back to me... Thanks, LOVEMESS<BR>maybe you could email my husband at our home email which is: abubbaheidi@aol.com if you don't want to I would understand. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by [H]:<BR><B><BR>I found something in his wallet that came out of a magazine that he or OW tore out. It was a horoscope that said there will be a new love come in your life. You will change and make major change and this new love will be your lost sole mate. My H is really thinking we are through.<BR></B><P>Change is coming in love alright. It all ready has. He just doesn't realize he will rediscover you and he in a whole new light. Theres always more then one answer to a question.<P><B><BR>Now if he touches me he IMMEDIATELY pulls away. He even has wrapped covers around him so we don't touch. Now he's getting to the point where he even hates to kiss me good-bye.<BR></B><P>This is very typical behavior of an affair. I did these things as well. I felt very uncomfortable touching my wife, as I felt guilty about what I was doing to her. I also felt at times I was cheating on (xOW). However, I went on and made excuses for myself, and said things like "How about no strings attached sex?" LOL whatever that means.. Regardless saying things like that to myself or to my wife didn't help me in anyway. As I still felt guilty.<P><B><BR>I read in website that when H feels anger towards me or hears demands it makes the OW appear to be the only one who cares.<BR></B><P>True. In my case, my wife said a few negative things one time, and I would blow them up completely. Justifying my postion and actions. I also didn't need her to tell me "She was angry about what I was doing" I made all that up completely on my own with paranoid delusions. So whats that mean you might ask? Well... She very rarely showed any type of outbursts towards me. She wasn't mad, she was hurt, and upset at what was going on. At times i'm sure she was mad at me directly, however. She never showed that side to me. At least when she did, it was few and far. So I everything else "I assumed" I destroyed her at points, so I figured she must be pissed. After all whats that common phrase we hear? "If you ever cheat on me I will kill you". Pretty common thing to hear. In reality... it's much different as we all learn. But as an xWS I had expected that responce from her. So I expected the unexpected. In fact I remember the day I admitted the truth. She was shaking, and rocking back and forth on the couch. It was very strange for me, I never took my eyes off her. I assumed she was going to get very irrational, perhaps try and harm me or herself. I had no idea what to expect. So I expected everything. Was I paranoid? Hell yes I was.<P><B><BR>I don't know what's worse my H being very rude and distant from me or being overly nice like he was yesterday.<BR></B><P>I was very rude and distant with my wife as well. However when I had fights or problems with (XOW) I was overly nice with her. Even said at one point I was done with (XOW) and I would work on the marriage. Turns out I had a much longer journey ahead of me to really leave the fog / see reality clearly.<P><B><BR>He said he needed to get away to think.<BR></B><P>Used that line myself. (In reality.) I don't want to feel the guilt anymore, I can't look you in the face anymore Knewjie, I can't look at myself any more either. I need to get out and away, and figure things out. I was also still involved with (XOW) at the time.<P>Plan A, Post and Read anything you can.<P><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

Just a comment - I don't believe that ANYONE can talk some sense into your husband - they are just not ready to listen yet. This is something they have to find out about the hard way, I'm afraid. I know how it feels - I feel so protective of my husband, I don't want him to get hurt, I don't want him to make mistakes, I want to 'rescue' him. Unfortunately it doesn't work like that. Just believe that he WILL come to his senses at some point in the future, and take heart that he will have learned some very valuable lessons along the way. Sometimes you just have to do the 'tough love' bit and stand by while they get their hands burnt. I'm ready to pick up the pieces and fix them together again - when he's ready to help me.<P>hugs, Paint.

<B><BR>[H] is there anyway you can talk some sense into my husband.<BR></B><P>Wish I could... I would have done that all ready with so many people on the board here. Slapped a little common sense in to them, but I was there myself. No matter how people confronted me, no matter what they said. I had my foggy visions of grandeur in my head, and they stayed there for a while. I too felt I was the only one who felt like that before. However I hadn't realized there was about 10000 other people here posting the exact same things I was saying to my wife. Takes time, reality will set in. Be patient.<P><B><BR>He's also scared of the future and if it doesn't work if he stays in the marriage.<BR></B><P>Gonna have to say he's more afraid that the damage he's caused is unfixable between you two. Also that coupled with the fact deep down on some level he knows he can't live the dream forever. As well as worried you will hurt him in retribution, or out of spite if he returns. He's questioning your motives as well. He knows better then to question them. He does anyway out of fear and paranoia.<BR>I call this "Confusion, Coverup, Blame Her, Makes Sense to me (WS) Story" Tried that one. I couldn't possibly believe that was true either in the long run. I was just scared...<P><B><BR>He says he will try but will not make any promises. <BR></B><P>Said that too... I also told my wife I'd try, I partially had intention to do so. However I got back in contact with (XOW). So well things went the other way for me. I joined the dark side for a little bit. I however found the door in the dark room and walked out.<P><B><BR>He thinks he should see immediate results.<BR></B><BR>Thats an unrealistic thought. Not logical at all.<P><B><BR>How long did it take for your "fog" to start to clear.<BR></B><P>Any disagreement will start to clear the fog. So if your husband has had a fight with the (OW). The fogs clearing. If she's lied to him. The fog will clear faster. If she's doing things he doesn't like. The fog will clear faster.<BR>And so on...<P>Think of it something like this. Your husband is in a room that is completely fogged out, over, etc. It's so think he can't see a centimeter in front of his eyes. It's every where around him. He doesn't know where he's going, which direction he's going. Whether its up, down, left, right, etc. He also has no idea how big the room he's in is. So he just wanders around. The only thing he things he can see clearly is the (OP) involved. Everytime something negative happens. Reality sets in and fog starts clearing a bit. Some of these things speed it up, some of them slow it down, and some actually make it thicker. Essentially your truely lost, and you've got few reasons to leave, which you keep justifying to yourself, and keep telling yourself its okay. ETC.<P><B><BR>maybe you could email my husband at our home email which is: *.com if you don't want to I would understand.<BR></B><P>Hmm don't think thats a good idea personally. I don't know your circumstances. Your familys ect, so all its going to do is make it look like I am attacking him. Not to mention my corspondance off the board is limited. For my safety and for my wifes. Dunno... <P>------------------<BR>Prayers, Hugs, and Strength from both of us. Things do and can get better. Keep hoping, learning, and growing. Take care of yourself.<P>[H] and Knewjie

LoveMess,<P>I suggest you call the Harley's. Jennifer told me that where my husband is at right now is pointless and a waste of money to have him talk to her. Your H is where my husband was at that time. While you want [H] to talk to your husband he will see it as an attack from [H] and a manipulation from you.<P>Call the Harley's for YOU and when your H is ready he can join in.<P>Just my suggestion.<P>K/LostNco/DSN<BR>[H]'s wife <P><p>[This message has been edited by Knewjie (edited June 21, 2001).]

My H is willing to talk to Dr. Harley and last night we went over the LB questioniares and we actually laughed. I hope this isn't just a front he's putting on. I found out he told a good friend of ours the whole story. I talked this friend last night and he said my H really does want out. He feels it's only maybe a 20% change it will work. He said he was just being honest with me. He said he would do what he could to help in anyway. How did your friends encourage your H to stick with your marriage? LOVEMESS <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Knewjie:<BR><B>LoveMess,<P>I suggest you call the Harley's. Jennifer told me that where my husband is at right now is pointless and a waste of money to have him talk to her. Your H is where my husband was at that time. While you want [H] to talk to your husband he will see it as an attack from [H] and a manipulation from you.<P>Call the Harley's for YOU and when your H is ready he can join in.<P>Just my suggestion.<P>K/LostNco/DSN<BR>[H]'s wife <P>[This message has been edited by Knewjie (edited June 21, 2001).]</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

With friends like that, your marriage doesn't need any enemies. OF COURSE he is sounding to his friend like he really wants out - until they start to come out of the fog, they sound like that to EVERYONE!!<P>Ask the friend to sit back and stay out of it unless he is willing to simply say to your H, "Stay in your marriage, buddy - it's the right thing to do." No more - no advice. Well meaning friends have generally done more damage than good in these situations. <P>And, a suggestion: Don't talk to his friend anymore - your husband will view that as an attempt to control and manipulate the situation or him. Bad LB.<P>Read here, believe in the principles, talk the talk and walk the walk. Believe me, no matter what your husband does from his side of this, these principles will save your sanity and help you become a better and happier person.<BR><P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Couldn't agree with you more Terri. Some friends of mine also, dug thier own graves with my wife as well. Some of them intended well. However ended up taking my side in things more then they should have. So, I completely understand her attitude towards some of the "Friends" of ours. Well see what happens. Personally if I have to give them up, "She can't, won't forgive them for taking my side." then that is what I will do. I wont even blink.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers, Hugs, and Strength from both of us. Things do and can get better. Keep hoping, learning, and growing. Take care of yourself.<P>[H] and Knewjie<p>[This message has been edited by [H] (edited June 22, 2001).]

<B><BR>How did your friends encourage your H to stick with your marriage?<BR></B><P>Uh... Well, my friends didn't really encourage me much. My Dad told me to work on my marriage. My friends my age told me "Do whatever you want". My mom told me "Take some time. No reason to rush into anything." A good friend of mine, mentioned in the posts said "Work on your marriage" he then later helped me realize (what it was I was doing.)<BR>The rest of my friends and some family took a "We wan't you to be happy, so do whatever you like" stance.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers, Hugs, and Strength from both of us. Things do and can get better. Keep hoping, learning, and growing. Take care of yourself.<P>[H] and Knewjie