My vacuum is missing. My H must have taken it and I just didn't notice. Great. I am in plan B and somehow have to figure out how to get it back so I can clean. He is so rude sometimes. I assume he must of taken it last weekend, hope he didn't break in again...<P>Anyway, I really miss my H today. It has only been 2 days of no contact, but I kind of expected him to call and bug me like last time. I guess I want it but don't want it, know what I mean? I'm almost having a panic attack, but trying hard not to.<P>I will not be around this weekend. Going camping in the rain with 3 little ones. Fun, fun. <P>One other thing that's been on my mind with the whole "getting it up" thing (see post from Wed.). I was so freaked that he was going to tell me he went PA, I kept praying to God for that not to happen and to give me strength and to show me things would be alright. And then, what happens? My H comes over and tells me he can't even get it up. I don't know, I sort of felt it was a sign, here I am totally stressed and begging God for help and not only does my H not tell me he went PA, but he tells me the TOTAL opposite of that. I like to think it is a sign, but then I read from alot of you he is probably lying and I get all confused and don't know what to think... But I can't get it out of my mind, y'no?<P>Okay, just had to rant and rave. Like I said, difficult day today for me. Can't stop thinking about H - or my vacuum...

Hurt,<BR>Do you two have joint credit cards? If so go out and buy the vaccum you always wanted. you are in plan B, dont deal with him. GET your locks rekeyed (cheaper than replaced) he chose to leave, change the locks. Keep him out. What will he do when he finds out they dont work? well the only way he will find out is if he tries to sneak back in. BUT do it today before you leave, otherwise you might come home to an empty house. As far as his "get it up" problem. I told you weds..I believe it. NO MAN will admit to THAT. He probably is making the OW think he is so respectful of you (GAG). You have a safe and fun trip. BUT GET YOUR LOCKS REKEYED BEFORE YOU GO!!!!. take care MC

MyCross gave some good suggestions. If you cannot buy the new vaccum then communicate through you MIL. Do not talk to him directly. <P>Does he know you are going to be out of town this weekend. Do not let him know. <P>Now you see why the no contact during Plan B is so essential. You need to be separated from his games. Have you ever read the book "The Dance of Intimacy"? You might want to read it. You are in a dance with him and he is leading. With each of his moves, you take a predetermined step. You have been doing this so long with him that you do not even realize you are doing it. You need to get off the dance floor with this man. The ony way you can do this right now is through Plan B. Only then will you beable to start a new, healthier dance with him if he ever does come back to you.<P>Hope you have a good weekend with your sweetie pies.<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Yeah, I had the locks changed Monday. He has special tools to break in so it doesn't do me much good, a little peace of mind at least. I'm still working on it.<P>He SAID on Monday that he won't break in anymore. I can't remember when I last saw the vacuum, so it's possible he took it before our agreement. Not like I've had time to clean working full-time with a 2-hour commute and 3 kids to watch... <P>And no, we don't have anymore joint accounts. I'll probably just have my MIL leave him a message. Yes, he knows I'm going camping with the kids this weekend.<P>hmmm.. That book sounds interesting Zorweb, I'll have to see if I can find it. Not that I have much time to read lately... <P>I was just so down this morning and my mind was racing, had to post - y'no?<P>It's been 3 weeks since he's seen our kids. He starts his newest escape on Monday (working 114 hours in 7 days). He'll probably realistically go 7 weeks before seeing the kids - maybe longer. So sad. This fog thing encompasses every aspect of my H, even his responsibility to his children. I don't even see how he'll have much time for OW in the weeks to come with his schedule - that gives me some comfort anyway. <P>My 2-year old was up for 2 hours last night just screaming, I don't want you, I want Daddy. It made me cry. That is probably why I am so sad today... Hmmm...<P>thanks for the support!

{{{{{{{{hurtbyhubby}}}}}}}}}<P>Rats on the buying a new vacuum....I'd have charged a really good one .<P><BR>Call MIL. Do you have a neighbor you can borrow from? DON'T CALL HIM!<P>As to 2yr old. This is my worry and fear. My H is a great dad...his boys are going to miss him soooo much. They already are clinging to him like vines (like they know something is happening). Hug your kids for me. If I could I'd bake some snickerdoodles and send them along....<P>hugs, hugs and more hugs.<P><BR>Cali

Hurtbyhubby:<P>Steady girl!!!!! This is what it's all about...this is the hard part.<P>Let me step in here as the poster girl for "what you shouldn't do to get your WH back from OW". You probably don't know but my WH's A has been going on for years....OW keeps it going by poping in and out of town....no chance to really get tired of her....don't know what her motives are...because obviously he is never going to divorce me.<BR>Anyway, when this all began, he moved out with her, stayed 7 months and then came back...but he was not through with her and it continues off and on to this day...although he has been at home most of the time...until I finally threw him out about a year ago...during which time he has not been with her until she popped into town again last week.<P>Now the point of relating this saga is that I think I could have aborted the whole process if instead of waiting for him to decide the first time I had gone into Plan B and stayed there until I was sure he was through with her. Oh sure he made noises like he was through but he wasn't....and until they're through with OW or at least the fog begins to lift no progress can be made in marriage.<P>So hold on...you're doing the best thing...and it may mean that this whole thing will not go on forever like mine has...although you would probably get sick of it a lot sooner then I (this is one of those case where you just have to be here).<P>Hold those babies close to you...they will be your reason to be strong in your resolve....a few months of daddy being gone is better then a lifetime with a part-time dad.<P>Faye<P>P.S. Hey, one day I came home and found WH had taken my bedroom TV because OW didn't have one. aghhhhhhhhhh. Never saw it again.<p>[This message has been edited by buffy (edited June 22, 2001).]

Dear hurtbyhubby, <P>Hey and why not treat yourself to a "maid for a day", tell your H you had no vacuum and therefore no choice octavia99<p>[This message has been edited by octavia99 (edited June 23, 2001).]

Thanks Octavia - that does help alot.<P>Cali, I'll take those snickerdoodles anytime girl!<P>Oh shoot. I'm late - gotta pick up the kids from MIL.<P>buffy, thanks so much. You are right. A few months w/o dad is better than a lifetime of a part-time dad. I agree totally!

Octovia's post reminded me that I forgot to mention that WH also told me he "couldn't get it up" the first time he was with OW. Nice, but it didn't stop him later. I've also been told stories about how they lived together but she sleeps on the couch and he sleeps in the bed because she stays drunk all the time....they're just stories to make me feel better...he thinks....and maybe they would if I believed them.<P>But it would be nice if once in a while a WH does have enough guilt that it keeps him from performing. For your sake I'll wish it was so for your husband.<P>Faye