Thanks to all for the great sharing. It has enlighted me. <P>My H left July 18, 1998 because of an OW. I filed for D the same day he moved out. We had been at 'odds' for several months before his departure because of his association with her. I refused to give an inch on the issue. She was in a bad marriage at the time and said all the right things to a man in the middle of a 'mid-life crisis.' There were no kids, bills, house, or garbage to deal with. Just fun and excitement. I knew what she was; she has done this before and is still having an A with a married man. The relationship did not last with the OW. She showed her true colors quickly and H quickly realized his mistakes.<BR> <BR>I worked a full time job about 30 minutes from my home. We have 4 children, ages, at the time, were 13 to 3. <BR>I moved out of my home in a small town to be closer to my job. We (the kids and I) started a new life. Everytime he complained about me not working on our marriage, I reminded him that he was the one that made the decision to move out and until he didn't have her in it we would not 'work on our marriage.' He thought, 'she will never file for D, she will never move, she will never have a boyfriend, or be capable of building a new life without me.' He was wrong and very surprised with the strength and independence coming from the girl he married 17 years before. We started dating in December of '98 and continued to see more of each other until WE decided he could move home. She didn't leave us alone. She knew her presense would and did cause problems between us. She would drive or ride her bike by our home every day and night. I even caught her riding by at 5:30 in the morning. <BR>Here comes the in-law problem. She filed for D from her H in August of '98 and moved out of her home into a rent house my in-laws own. (It is next door to their home) She and my in-laws have forged a relationship over the last three years that underminds me, my marriage, and my family. When we were 'dating', I asked my mother-in-law not to 'invite the OW to her home when she knew my H would be there'. I explained to her that this would cause more than a little embarassment to us all if I showed up with him. Her response was "LITTLE GIRL, you will never tell me who I can and can not have at my home". I responsed with, "you are right, this is your home and I have to make the best choices for myself and my family." She understood that 'grandparent of the year' was now out of the question. The other woman is still living next door. She has a key to my father-in-laws 'shop', which is located on their property and she uses it at her leasure. She is a guest in their home quit often and joins them in many public and private activities. She joined our church after we seperated and occationally attends at which time she is invited to sit WITH my in-laws. (My family fills a pew by ourselves and we ususally sit directly in front of his parents.)<BR> My H and I have come to an understanding that NO contact with this woman can ever happen. He keeps reassuring me that he has complied with this demand. He wants me, then he can not have anyone else, not as a personal friend or as a friend of the family. She has proven that she will never leave him alone. <BR> I feel like my in-laws have privately and publicly shown their disrespect for me, my family and particularly my marriage. This is causing a problem between me and H. We are both very close to our families and would do anything for them. They tell her about everything in our lives,ie, she knows everything about us. They also discuss her and her family openly in front of and with me and H. This makes me wonder if he is being upfront with me about his relationship with her. Surely they know how their open friendship is distroying our family unit.<BR> <BR>Is it my responsibility or his to ask his parents not to involve her in our lives? Help me with this one. I don't know what to say to H without sounding controling.<BR>In-laws *^#!*~`.......<P>JuJu<BR>

JuJu:<P>I'm not the wizard, but I'll give it a shot, and offer my opinion. <P>This is too weird. I think that your in-laws should support your marriage and not this OW. How does your H feel about this situation? Were the in-laws aware of the A when they let her move into the rental house? If so it seems like they are condoning the A and presenting a situtation for it's continuation, by letting her move in. <P>This has to be extremely difficult for you to deal with. I don't know how you manage. It is a total disregard for your marriage, you, H and your children. <P>How can H do the NO CONTACT, when OW is living so close and is so involved with his family? <P>It is his responsibility to handle this situation, not yours. After all they are HIS parents. If you do, it could create animosity. You don't have to sound controlling. He is your husband, as you are his wife. The marriage vows do state forsaking all others. This situation obviously puts you in a position of conflict as well as it being a threat. This certainly is not difficult to understand. Try to talk to him calmly and explain exactly how you feel. Tell him the pain and hurt this is causing you, the strain and conflict. What if the situation were reversed, how would he feel? If he is serious about the NO CONTACT he will take care of the problem.<P>You wrote:<BR>"LITTLE GIRL, you will never tell me who I can and can not have at my home". I responsed with, "you are right, this is your home and I have to make the best choices for myself and my family." <P>Looks like your MIL is not considerate to your feelings. I think you are right. But, I do feel it's your husband's place to deal with his parents. If he is sensitive to your feelings and wants his marriage to work, he will resolve the issue. Also, if they won't give her up. I suggest they come to your home and their home be off limits.<P>Difficult situation to have to tolerate. This is my opinion.<BR>Best wishes, take care. <BR>

In my humble opinion it is your husband's place to handle this with his parents.<P>If he is a religious man, he knows that the bible says that a man is to leave is mother and cling to his wife. There is your guiance.<P>I can only tell you what I would expect from my husband. Your husband needs to show you and your family unfailing support. I assume that you are familiar with the no-contact letter. I would ask my husband to tell his parents something along the same lines. That he his relationship with Jezzabell (spelling?) was a cruel indulgance that you and your children did no deserve. That you and your children mean everything to him and that you have graciously given him the opportunity to rebuild that your marriage. For this reason he must have no contact with her under any circumstances. That he understands that his parents have to right to choose whom so ever they choose as friends and tenents but that he must protect his family. So as long as Jessabell lives next door and is in their home constantly then your husband, you and the children can spend only limited time with them. There are two reasons for this. The first is that Jezzabell is always present, and at least right next door at all times. The other reason is that they have the bad habit of sharing private information. The grandchilderen will not be able to visit in their home in the future. Further more you are changing churches. His parents will of course be welcome to visit him and his family in his home. <P>His parents are not going to be happy with this. However what they are doing is so increadably disrespectful to their son, to you and to your children. In my book this is a marriage breaker.... sorry. In my previous marriage my MIL did some nasty things too... she helped my XH carry on his affairs by taking messages for him, receiving mail, letting him use her house, etc. She told me that I had a lot of nerve complaining about his affairs since it is a man's right. Can you believe it? I of course being as disrespectful as she tells everyone I am, stood up to her and told her that no husband of mine had that right... not in this life time.<P>Eventaully I refused to go to her home and I refused to let my son go there. I would not let him be with anyone who did not treat me with respect... MIL or not. My MIL did a lot to cause the deterioration of our marriage. Your MIL and FIL are doing the same to you. Do not put up with this. <P>Yes, you do have to approach this in non-lovebuster way with your H and hopefully he can do the same with his parents.<P>Remember that your H has two barganing chips.. the first is that he is his mother's little boy and the second are those precious grandchildren. If your inlaws want to be a part of their lives, they are going to have to back their son up on this one.<P>Ok, I'm stepping down off my soap box now.<P>Z<P><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare