WH hasn't contacted me since Wednesday - no e-mail, no calls, no visits, nothing. Wednesday he told me that OW had been in contact with him again. He also told me (and this will make yu laugh, because it's classic fog-speak) that he was "Confused and unsure, but felt in control of the situation..(!)"<P>Well, I've been sitting here, worrying about what's going to happen next. He just called me out of the blue and said that he was fed-up and bored and could he come over? I said OK (but I'm not sure - I don't feel strong today), and then he said that he would take the rest of the afternoon off work and come over now!.....I've got about 15 minutes to get my inner strength 'working' again and psyche myself up for this....wish me luck and I'll let you know what he has to say later...<P>love Paint.

You go girl. I can remember those days. They were very difficult and even confusing for me. I wasn't quit sure which way the wind would blow next. Keep up your spirits it sounds good. God Bless.<BR>JuJu

He's just popped out to the supermarket to get something for dinner for us, so I've got a few minutes.<P>Things aren't going to well - I'm really not in the right mood for this. Apparently he had lunch with OW today - she still wants to work things out with her own husband, but she wants to stay 'friends' with my husband. My husband wants more than that, so he's hurt. Plus - OW's husband doesn't know that they went for lunch together. What a mess - my WH's got a broken heart and is moping around like a lovesick puppy, OW's still lying to her own husband...I'm getting totally P****d off with the whole situation. I wish she'd just make up her mind once and for all and stop messing the rest of us about! I need to vent a bit at the moment, and I'm trying really hard not to LB to my husband, so here goes....Why can't that f*****g b***h keep her slimy paws off my husband!!!!!!! Thanks...<P>Paint xx

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Paintbox:<BR><B>"Confused and unsure, but felt in control of the situation..(!)"</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>NO WAY!! You've got to be making this up!! OK, it's too far out there for you to make up!<P>OK, Paint. Maybe I missed it, but why don't you fink on OW and tell her H? Poke the 'ol beehive. Unless he's a turtle on a fencepost that's got to cause progress!!<P>WAT<P>

I'm with Worthatry,poke it good and see what happens.Make sure that it isn't a LB though,we want to go foward not backward.<BR>But,Paint isn't it awful watching some one you love with some one else,it just kills me. <P> NTK

i'm with everyone else. tell the OW H. you have got nothing to lose. you are being so strong but even the strongest need a little help. there is only so much one person can take and you have taken enough for 20 people.<BR>go with the flow. let the other H in on their little secret. its about time you had some help. i wish i could do more. take care and let us know how it turns out.

I think telling the OW's Husband is a good idea. If you think your husband would get upset if he found out you told, I'm sure there are plenty of people who would help you sort of anonymously drop the bomb. Best Wishes.

Well, the lovesick puppy has gone back to his apartment. We watched a film together. I have NOT had a fun evening...I'm getting really fed up with him asking to come round and then moping about looking miserable all evening - makes me want to give him a good clip of the ear or something! If he doesn't come out of the fog soon, then I'm going to Plan B - in fact I 'suggested' tonight that it might help him sort things out if WE had a 'no contact' arrangement for a while - he didn't comment on that. The ridiculous thing is, he's still trying to persuade me to stay in America, get a job here - I suppose he'll be soooooo lonely if he hasn't got my sofa to mope about on any more...<P>I'm not so much annoyed that he's 'lovesick' - just annoyed that he's pathetic enough to let this OW dangle him from a thread like a puppet. I suggested marriage counselling for us - but he said he didn't think it would help because we're not arguing....(hang on a minute while I go bang my head against the wall...). He did bring me a present though - he bought me a new CD.<P>I don't think it's a good idea to tell the OW's husband - believe me, he's already beaten my husband up once and put him in hospital, I don't want to risk that happening again. Shame it didn't knock some sense into him last time...<P>I feel the need to go and scream - very loudly - but I can't because my eldest daughter has a friend here for a sleepover tonight. I'll just have to settle for a cyberscream instead....AAAAAAaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhh.<P>hugs, Paint.<P>

P.S. - WAT, I promise, cross my heart, I wasn't making this up "Confused and unsure, but felt in control of the situation..(!). Does this mean he gets the 'FOG AWARD' this week? I don't know about Moose Brain worms - I think he must have caught Mad Cow Disease back in England...<P>Why oh why don't I just go and find a man with a brain in his head?<P>Paint

Paint,<P>If enough of those worms fill his skull it might equate and fogged brain.. do you think??<P>Yep the gets the reward.<P>You know I think that this is the time for Plan B. I keep reading about WS who are afraid that both their spouse and the OP is going to abandon them. If you do it now, he'll be in that position. There will be noone there to support him. He'll find out what being single in a cold world is like. It sucks big time. (OK so now I'm talking like the my pre-teen kids. That's what a couple of glasses of wine will do to even the best of us.)<P>Z<P><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Yep, you're right Zorweb, I'm going to seriously think about Plan B this weekend - I feel somewhat 'used' in that whenever he's down, it's me he turns to. When he's lonely and he can't call OW, then he calls me instead. I'm not going to settle for second best. He keeps telling me to 'get on with my life'...but then he calls and keeps asking if we're available for a visit, or to go out somewhere - I feel guilty if I say 'I've got other plans'. I also can't take much more of his misery - he was certainly never this miserable when we were together! I might e-mail him later, rather than talking face to face, I can think about what I want to say then - be careful not to LB.<P>Thanks Zorweb,<BR>Paint.

Paintbox,<P>Good plan about the email. Avoiding face to face communication when too many emotions are involved is a very good idea.<P>You know, I think Plan B at this time will really work for you because I think you are still a really big part of his life. Obviously he is not getting much from OW right now. One of the main perposes of Plan B is so that the BS stops filling WS's needs and they are suddenly totally dependent on the OP for getting all of their needs filled. <P>From what I've read here you have done a beautiful Plan A. Your husband needs you and still loves you. That's why he keeps coming back. So let him experience life without you. From all I've read you are an exceptional soul. He is lucky to have you and will miss you terribly. I hope I'm right but that's what I get from all I've read over the last few weeks.<P>My thoughts and prayers are with you.<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Thanks Zorweb - I'm still thinking about it - bit difficult because he keeps calling me today - he's 'bored' again and wants to come over again.... Luckily, I'm in a better mood today, and I think I've put him off (very nicely of course -I said I'd promised to take daughters and friend swimming, but maybe tomorrow?).<P>He's attempting 'retail therapy' in a big way at the moment - buying yet more CD's and thinking about a car...I asked him if he wanted me to look after his wallet for a while and he laughed and said "I think it would be safer with you than it is with me at the moment" !<P>I'm also waiting for some advice from Mrs. axxeman, who was in a similar situation - I need to be absolutely sure before I go to Plan B, because I don't want to be like OW and keep changing my mind!<P>hugs, Paint.