<BR>My W and I talked for 40 minutes on the phone last night. This was in response to me accusing her of doing something suspicious. She told me that she does not feel like trying since I am always suspicious and she does not feel like she has to be accountable for her time right now. I told her that if and when she feels like trying, rebuilding trust is part of the reconciling process, and rebuilding trust at this point has to include accountability.<P>She told me that she got to thinking about me saying that I should not be angry since she has not committed to this marriage yet. She then said, " so if I had committed and something came up then you can be angry?" I hate it when she twists things around like that. She went on to say, "why should I commit under those kinds of conditions."<P>She did say some interesting things like:<BR>- "I know that I should commit to this marriage, but I just don't feel like it right now"<BR>- "I realize that I have put our marriage through the ringer in the past 6 months, but you have to take ownership in what you did to put me in that position"<BR>- "I know that things could get better if I acquiesce, but you would have to do some things too."<P>I basically told her that we should probably have these kinds of discussions in counseling, and just try to be friendly with each other outside of counseling. <P>I just don't know anymore. Sometimes I'm not sure I even want to try knowing how often she is still in communication (and possibly seeing) with OM. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my life - knowing that the woman I love more than anything and would go to the ends of the earth for is talking several times a day, sending romantic greeting cards, and seeing in person another man. Some days the antidepressants aren't enough. Maybe things will change for the better soon. I hope so, I don't know how much longer I can put up with.<BR>

Hi, sadandconfused,<P>My best advice to you is DON'T TALK ABOUT IT. Don't talk to your wife about the marriage, what she needs to do to make it work - nothing like that! Right now, that kind of discussion does only three things: Ticks her off, lets her know exactly how much she is and can hurt you and offers her the opportunity to justify to herself why it can't work with you.<P>If you are in Plan A, such a discussion is a Love Buster - and you are supposed to eliminate Love Busters! If you are in Plan B, you are not supposed to even HAVE that kind of contact with her at all.<P>If you act "cool" then she will wonder what is up. Think about it.<BR><P>------------------<BR><BR>S-Buster<BR>~~~~~~~~~~<BR>Who you gonna call?<BR>Have salt, will travel.

Exactly what S-Buster said. Your wife is quoting from the WS script - she's headed for an Oscar.<P>DO NOT HAVE THIS CONVERSATION AGAIN!!!! Do you want to be right or work on your marriage? - right now you can't have it both ways. Everything you said is right, but you're not dealing with a rational person. Think of her as an addict - you can't reason with an addict.<P>OK?<P>WAT<P>