A brief history and then the problem. My wife and I have been married for almost 26 years. We have attended and practice almost every marriage enrichment plan we can find and read most of the christian authored books we can find. And we try to follow the plans outlined in them....meeting each others needs, using the "language of love" appropriate to each other etc. But she always refuses when I suggest we have private counseling. I have asked my wife throughout our history if I am meeting her needs and she almost always says yes and when there is a no, I try harder. We spend all of our free time together. We talk, eat out, watch TV, go to church and church activities, and even pray together. We do everything together. <P>She has had an PA 3 times that she has confessed but I feel like there has been more. Each time afterward there is confession and restitution, followed by passionate love making for months and a general feeling of happiness and resolve. As time goes on she gets quieter and quieter. Her desire for sex dimenishes more and more. The only times we make love is when I initiate it but she says she always enjoys it and is satisfied with our sex when it happens. We discuss our marital problems (conflicts) and we both appogize for hurting the other when it happens. We never have fights but we do disagree on things. To all who are around us, they think we have the perfect marriage. We hold hands and kiss in public and in private. But as has happened 3 times she has an PA.<BR>When we have talked about them we go thru the same things. She is satisfied with sex, doesn't know of anything that I could do differently to make her happier with our marriage. She says that the relationship with the other wasn't because of better sex and that she didn't even climax. <P>So I am confused. If I seem to her to be doing everything right, sex is good, relations are good, quality time is spent, then what is left....could there be a problem with depression because of low self esteem and anyone else that gives her notice is important to her to the point that she needs their affection too ???<P>Any experience with this?<P>

Depression is just one more contributing factor to making people susceptible to affairs.<P>She should consider seeing a doctor...<BR>...for an evaluation of the need for medication.<BR>...not to dummy her up... but put a balance back into her (and your) life.<P>Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000554.html" TARGET=_blank>Notable Posts/Threads</A> post for a few notable discussions...<BR>...and search the forums for "depression".<P> <P>Jim