OK I went to my first consoling session,felt good about it and now I'm having doubts.My wife left for the weekend to visit OM,she is determined to see if he is "the one".I'm at home with the kids and all the ranch work and a honey do list.We have nobody close by to be a third party.So how do I go about plan B and still see my kids.I'm still working 100 mi. away and coming home on wensday and weekends.

Plan B has little to do with the kids...<P>It's about <B>your</B> relationship with <B>your</B> W!<P>Should you talk to the kids about this...<BR>...yes.<P>Honesty in all your relationship is important...<BR>...that includes the kids!<P> <P>Jim

I have talked to the kids and been honest with them.They don't want any of this ,they just want the fighting to stop.I have been trying to keep things calm around here but the wife has been moody.I think she lives in la la land and every thing around here makes her want to run away to OM.The kids are getting out of hand and my wife and I are having trouble not yelling.I know they are reaching for attention.The wife is trying to not see me at all now ,she left the kids at the local pool at noon to go on her trip and I picked them up at the end of the day.We just talk on the cell phones.Plan A is real hard now thats why I was asking about plan B ,I'm still trying to figure out the how and when. thanks <P>NTK

Counseling for the kids seems to be needed...<P>Staying in Plan A... will be appreciated by the kids...<BR>...even if they see only a small amount of contact between you and your wife.<P><BR>You're probably not ready for Plan B yet...<BR>Do read...<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000177.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B - 101 (2nd ed.)</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000413.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B - 201</A>.<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>

NSR;Need your thoughts,my wife is not giving up OM,she needs to know if he is "the one".I love her moore than anything.We have two kids,two houses,next to each other.I am still trying to plan A and am seeing a consoler.Her fear is that health problems may shorten her life.I have told my consoler of my MB postsand asked him to check it out.Do you think I should talk to the Harleys also?Or just back off and give her,WS,some time to think? Thank you so very much,your help and posts with links are a god send to me. <P><BR> ned to know.

Counseling with the Harleys is always a good first... second... or third step!<P>Backing off...<BR>...giving her time "to think"...<BR>...is reasonable... if there is a threat of violence or abuse.<P>If there is neither...<BR>...pursuing a good good... sound... and consistant Plan A...<BR>...<B>is what you need... FOR YOU</B>...<P>Yes... there is the "intent" to win the WS back...<BR>...but <B>even more so</B>... becoming the better you...<BR>whether the WS comes back or not!<P>Remember... Plan A is NOT a guarantee...<BR>...Plan B is NOT a guarantee...<BR>...MB is NOT a gaurantee... <B>to bring reconciliation to your marriage</B>.<P>All the plans... all the skills...<BR>...are there to <B>make you a better person</B>...<BR>...and you'll hav to rely on providence to have the WS come to their senses... leave the "fog"... and return to real life.<P>Lower <B>ALL</B> expectations on the return to you of your WS...<BR>...and revel in an approved you!<BR>...and with that... treat yourself well!<P> <P>Yes...<BR>...you have my prayers.<P> <P>Jim

Jim; Thank you again you are the rock.You always make view more clear for those of us searching in the fog.Be back on wensday.<P><BR> Thank you Need To Know<p>[This message has been edited by need to know (edited June 25, 2001).]