Hello my friends,<P>My ws says I if I move, like I told him from when he first left, that I would not stay in the house without him, then, our children would no longer be able to live in the family residence. The family residence he doesn't want to be in either. So, he is trying to make me feel guilty if I move... So what if he abandoned our family and jumpte ship...and I am supposed to keep the ship afloat without sufficient funds to pay two mortgages totaling $1,000.<P>After he didn't pay me suffienct funds for 8 months, and defies a court ordered child support judgement, he borrows <BR>(did you catch that?)-- borrows $5,000 (from mother) to catch the first mortgage up. The second mortgage is behind too.<P>Then, when I finally did start receiving money from his checks via garnishment when they threatened to take his driver's license away, I was so far behind on utilities, medical bills, and etc, I couldn't afford to pay the mortgage payments--so, according to him, I mismanaged money.<P>And now the mortgage is three months behind, and I have told him from day 1 after he deserted us, that it would be inevitbale that foreclosure would eventually happen...<P>And now it is very close--and can you guess who is responsible for this? Well, I am sure you are on my wavelength and on the same page as I am--esp. if you have a ws who blames all the problems on the bs.<P>His decision to leave this home and to seek a more "fun-filled life" of bars and drinking has moved us into a standard of living below where we were together. Of course, he is convinced himself that it is my fault...<P>The anxiety from all of this is maddening...and sickening...and devastating...<P>I will have to move me and my children...and I am sure I will not have enough money when the time comes.....<P>elo<P>

elo,<P>I am sorry for your pain, it must be very scarry for you at this time, not knowing were you and the kids might be living.<P>It is not your fault it is the fog's fault. It sounds like you did everything that you could to keep the house and the lives of you and your children at the level that you had achieved as a couple and family.<P>It is so hard to understand why WS do the things they do and how unfair it is. They don't think of the other things that you lose besides them, and at the costs of the things that your kids are use to.<P>They are just so selfish. So know that you were not at fault, and I am sure that your kids will relaize that too, when the time comes. Hold your head high!

elo, I'm so sorry. My H says he doesn't want our house, but then kicked me out to move OW in and now resents me because I got a TRO and had him and OW removed. I will probably have to sell it as well. I'm fortunate to be fairly secure financially because I have sole control of our jointly owned business. In fact, I'm having to pay my H spousal support!<P>He also got $10,000 from his parents to get himself a lawyer. $5000 went to the lawyer - he's obviously planning on a big court battle, something to look forward to - and the other $5000 should keep him happy and his cravings satisfied for quite a while. His parents are letting him stay for free, with OW, in a trailer they own at the beach. So once again he seems to be coming out on top.<P>And, yes, it's all my fault, too.

Daybreak, and Letstry,<P>Thanks for replies and support. I can see by your responses taht I am not crazy. Yes, it is all our fault.<BR>We are so damn irresponsible--we betrayed spouses who try to do our best to survive under the conditions of infidelity and emotional and financial devestation. Why can't we get it right? Is there something wrong with us?<BR>Are we in a fog, maybe? <P>Letstry, I think I have a good grasp of your situtation as I have read many of your posts. Your H is rolling in the money and you have to pay him spousal support. I am trying to keep my H from moving into this house. So, what I plan to do is to file bankruptcy, discharge the house and car, and then reaffirm my car. This way the house will foreclose and he will not be able to move into it--esp. not with that dwi bimbo whose fourth husband he will probably be stupid enough to become.<P>I don't like playing hardball like this because I am basically not a "ballplayer"; but at this point, I don't know what else to do. He is so hell bent on "being true to himself" regardless of emotional and financial devastation he has dropped on us since his exit.<P>I cannot allow him to move into this house wiht that ow and live here like he never knew us. At one time, he left a message on my answering phone and said "you people are going to lose your house". He had already alienated himself from his family and that devastated me. I attribute that insensitivity and alienation to alcohol abuse.<P>Sounds like you have also had to make some very bold moves to make your points...<P>Daybreak, so you feel my pain and my fear of the future for my children and me...and they don't deserve any of this...they don't deserve a daddy like him and he will act like nothing happened... he has alienated himself from them and he has compartmentalized them like Clinton did with his affair...with Stupensky!!?? (sp)<P>I have enough confidence in myself to know thatI believe I will make the most prudent decisions about where to move my children and me when the time comes. At least, I will be sober and not in a foggish state of mind....right? Get my drift, friends? Keeping in mind that my H once told me this: I asked him if the ow's dtr. was living there in taht apartment--and, his foggish answer was: she's live with her mother...!!!!!!!!!! and I answered: and where do you live--in one of the corners? So, he wouldn't even admit to me that HE WAS HOUSING THE OW'S DTR. Yet, he has scarely has seen our chidlren in 15 months. He was too busy with his "new life" in Fogtown...<P><BR>Thanks again for caring...elo <P>