well, for those of you who read the "trouble in paradise" post, here's an update: I drifted off to sleep around 1015pm with the gut feeling that my cop friend wouldn't call back. i woke up at 1130 and he hadn't call so I was weak (AGAIN) and called him. I was about to hang up when he and he answered. he sounded kind of down and i said I guess you changed your mind about tonight. He said he had just gotten home. Said he had a lot of stuff on his mind. I asked "good or bad" . He said "Both". I said , " I guess you don't feel like talking about it?" he said "NO, not really". I said Ok. Then he said well, i guess something good did come out of this whole mess." I said "What?" And he informed me that he and his exwife might be getting back together. I was quiet for a second and said, " well, That's good" he said it wasn't definite, that they had a lot of things to work out and trust had to be built back up and that they were just talking about it and had to take it one day at a time. He said he didn't know for sure what was going to happen. I SHOULD be happy that he might give hi marriage a second chance, but I'm still a little hurt by it. i would rather him be with his exwife than his xOW though. He's only been divorced since February. He said that he was not really in a talking mood, more in a thinking mood and that he was going to bed, he'd see me at drill in the morning and he'd talk to me more about it tomorrow. I'm not really sure that I am ready to hear about it. I don't even know how to act tomorrow. If he's even going to consider going back home, that leaves no room for me to interfere and I'm right back at square one. I almost wanted to reach out to MM again. It's a good thing that I CAN'T reach out to him. I let my guard down too soon and allowed way too much hope. I'm not sure if I am going to talk to him tomorrow or if I will try to avoid or ignore him tomorrow. I'm not completely sure that I will be able to NOT say anything negative or maybe even give him a couple of dirty looks. I'm too sad to type anymore right now. i guess I deserve this though. What goes around comes around and it's coming around.

Well, morning is here and I still don't know how I'm going to handle this. I had dreams about him last night and woke up this morning before my alarm went off, anxious about what the day brings. This just may be the deiciding factor that builds a very tall, very thick wall around my heart that will be damn near impossible to penetrate by anyone else. I'm so tired of this.

everything went fine at drill today. He seemed to be back to his old self and said that we were still cool. he said he WAS going to call me...not to come over but to let me know what was going on and I called him when he was walking in the door. I asked him if I would see him again outside of drill. he said yeah, without any hesitation. NOW i don't know if I WANT to see him anymore like that, just in case he DOES decide to get back with his exwife because I don't want to set myself up for failure like that. i just didn't like the thought of HIM dumping ME. ( am I a control freak?!) Anyway, I feel much better about the situation.

OK i am really confused, Are you married or the Other Woman?? What is it you are working on?? Why aer yo in these boards?? What do you need help with. I al really confused sorry. <BR>Maine

Mainemade,<BR>I'll give you a brief synopses but for the full story (too much detail to rewrite) you can read the posts under my other handle "tooweak". I WAS the ow but I ended the affair (due in great part to the people on this board) and got involved with someone who helped take my mind off of MM.

NTWL,<P>Sorry but I feel like I need to be very honest with you. You jumped from the frying pan into the fire. I'm so proud of you for giving up your relationship with the MM. But you cop friend it a drama king. Do you really want to be sucked into this and be woman number 3 in his world. <P>1. Exwife with child(ren) who he may/may not get back with.<BR>2. ExOW with child who he may/may not get back with.<BR>3. You, who he is using to fill his time with when he is not getting back with the others.<P>No wonder you feel like you need to build a wall around your heart. You let people into it too easily. You mentioned in one of your earlier posts that when you dated single guys you bent over backwards and made sure they had everything they wanted. Then they turned around and cheated on you. We tend to pick people who fulfill our personal beliefs about the world.<P>You are going from one man to the next. This has the affect of numbing the pain. Instead you need to nurture yourself and live through the pain to learn what there is to learn from the situation. Please be better and kinder to youself then you have been.<P>You this cop guy is probably sleeping with all three of you and who knows who else. Your physical health is at stake here. <P>Sorry for being so blunt but you do come here for input. At least I think you do.<P>Z<P><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

WOW, you lept froma pan into a fire. Is the COP exclusivly seeing you , and what is going on wiht your MM?? Hon you need some serious YOU time, Just you to get your life straight. <BR>Maine

If you remember my past post, I figured seeing the policeman was no good, it is jumping from one affair to the next. You need to find a new single unattached man. I have talked to another lady who junmped from one married man to the next and never felt bad about any of this. Each time there was some justification for it. There is no good excuse for being the OW. If a man is married it is a problem. A man will just feed you lies. But then again it may not be 100% his fault because you allow it to hapen. If you get hurt by a married man then you should not be surprised. They are already taken. If they divorce first and then sleep with you, ok. If not, you are always risking that they will just play with you and then dump you. It happens too much. It is easy for an outsider to see this but hard if you are emotionally involve. It's sort of an addiction.

I can't say that my cop friend is seeing me and me only. We haven't established a committed relationship. I have talked to him today after I got home from drill and he says that nothing has changed, he still cares a lot about me and has strong feelings for me and doesn't want to stop seeing me, yadda, yadda, yadda. My mom has met my cop friend because he's been to our house several times and he talks to her when he calls. She thinks he was /is an excellent influence on me as far as my career goals are concerned because he is such a true blue cop. He works hard and has come very far in a very short period of time. He is now a Cpt and lead detective in a department where some of the people he got hired with are not even sgt's yet. This morning before drill she said that she thinks he just gets a little down when he thinks about having to pay the mortgage on a house that he had built from the ground up before he was even married and can't even live there.<P>I have had no contact with MM. He calls, and since I have caller ID I ignore the calls when his work number shows up. If he calls and it says "unavailable" and I answer, i say I have something to do or I say hold on and then I hang up.<BR>I guess I have just always felt the need to be special o someone.

Roger,<BR>the cop IS NOT married. he is divorced and has been divorced since February.

NTWL, <BR> try being SPECIAL to yourself hon. Your worth it><BR>Maine<P>------------------<BR>IN the words of BOB the BUILDER!!" WE can fix it, yes we can!!!"

NTWL,<P>Do you mind me asking, how old are you? You say you're in college so are you in your early 20's?<P>We all feel the need for that special someone. It is part of human nature. But there is also a need to stand on one's own two feet and to find out that we are self-sufficient. <P>Isn't there some rule in the police force about a person of higher rank having sexual relations with a subordinate or someone of lower rank? I know that in the military both parties can be court marshaled for this.<P><BR>If you cop friend is so down about paying the mortgage on a house he can no longer live in. The maybe he can remarry with his wife if she will have him and work on rebuilding his family. <P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

I'm 23. I've been in the active army so I started college late. I don't know about police forces but you are correct about the military to a certain degree...only if that higher ranking person is in your direct chain of command like your team leader, squad leader, or platoon sergeant. Officers and enlisted are not allowed to fratanize at all. He's not my squad leader and I don't work on the police force with him. I live an Hour away from him.<P>