*<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Djinn (edited June 25, 2001).]

Welcome to MB...it's a bit slow here on the weekends, but hopefully someone will be along soon to give you the 'introduction' post <P>Best wishes, Paint.

Hello,<P>You may want to start out by reading a thread from earlier this month started by an OW. It will give you some insight into how people here feel about many things such as the OP. <BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009226.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009226.html</A> <P>You might also want to search on the name HumbleFish. She is an OW on this site. This will give you an idea of the type of help you will probably receive here at MB.<P>You made the comment there is a lot of BS here. Well there is a lot of WS here too. There are many recovering couples posting here too. My husband, SeenTheLight is an ex-WS who posts here.<P>You may have already read this post today. But here it is just incase. <BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009895.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009895.html</A> <P><BR>What are you wanting help with here on a site for building marriages? I'm not being antagonistic. It is a realistic question.<P>Z<P><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Welcome Djinn, and I'm sorry yo have to be here. <P>Zorweb, I think that Djinn is saying that the BS comes from the WS he is involved with. Am I wrong?<P>Snow

*<p>[This message has been edited by Djinn (edited June 25, 2001).]

welcome Djinn,<P>Of course you're welcome here, howerver many (myself included) would see you as the enemy. My W is the WS so my "enemy" is an OM. Being that your are married is even more juicy since my W's OM is married <P>Nonetheless, welcome and I hope you and your W find useful info on this site. Post and read hear often. <P>Have you revealed your A to your W? Did you're W catch you? Is the A still going on, if not, how did it end?<P>Good luck<P><P>------------------<BR>...Keeping a stiff upper lip<BR>-Scarlet Pumpernickle<BR>s_pumpernickle@yahoo.com

*<p>[This message has been edited by Djinn (edited June 25, 2001).]

Djinn,<P>I it not only the "lost dream". It is also that the person we trust the most in life would stab us in the back. That this very person will lie, cheat, and steal our very well being. It is that this person would not be honest enough with us to tell us the depth of their pain and their needs so that we can work together so that we can maintain the marriage and relationship as they vowed to do when we married. It is that so often the WS comes to see the BS ans an enemy, as a person standing in the way of their "happyness". It goes way beyond a "lost dream".<P>And the there is the OP who "helps" in all of this by acting as though the BS does not even exist. Do you know that it feels like to be thrown away? To be looked at and treated as a non-person?<P>I'm curious. Does it ever crossed your mind that your MW told her husband how much she loved him, etc etc etc when they were in this very same stage of their relationship? Has it ever crossed your mind that you are being used by your MW to fill a gap so that she does not have to be honest to her husband and take the steps necessary to grow?<P>Have you read all of the MB material? I suggest you do that if you are going to stay on this site and help people as you say.<P>This is a site for building marriages. Why don't you take the first step in helping your MW's marriage by stepping out of the picture? Does her husband know about the relationship between the two of you? If not then please do the humane thing and tell him. So that he understand the Poltergeists in his life.<P>Does your MW have any children?<P>I know, my resonses just "exactly" what you would expect from a BS. So what do I know?<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare<p>[This message has been edited by zorweb (edited June 25, 2001).]

. <p>[This message has been edited by jdmac1 (edited August 04, 2001).]

Zorweb:<P>You are absolutely correct. I agree totally. I've been nothing more than the putty to fill in the cracks created from within her crumbling marriage. Used. Yes, it has occured to me several times that the whole "I love you" etc etc etc is something we ALL do in the happy-go-lucky stages of the BEGINNING of our relationships. Another point you're correct on - I only help to keep this miserable triangle going because I provide the support for her pain over him and anything else she requests from me whenever it's convenient. I agree totally on everything you've said. You're very knowledgable in the way of relationships and a much loved and respected member here, from what I've read.<P>On to the matter at hand. I need to step OUT. I know this, and I've known this. One of the main reasons being for her. The self respect issue and mutual respect b/w us with the constant lying and coniving to get that momentay "fix" is detrimental to both parties. I know all of this. However the addiction is deep. Deep like heroin. <P>Both my MW and myself agree completely on all of these facts. How pathetic. And I'm still here, waiting/hoping even though I know this image we have of one another isn't who either of us really are. <P>I know that now and yesterday and last month, etc - is the time to STEP OUT. Well, after reading up on all of these postings. I think I've seen some light(reality). <P>I appreciate your brutle honesty and POV's. <BR>

Now that you are so very aware of your "being used' status, that should make it easier for you to finish cutting the strings tying you to your MW, right? <P>Obviously she has to clean up her mess before she can truly move on to someone else. I'm sure you can do better. Aren't there any since single, childless, eligible women out there for you? As for your addiction...well, I guess you just need a new fixation. That'll take your mind off of everything.<P>calla<BR>