It's now been 2 1/2 months since d-day. I've seen some signs of life and maybe "love" but wow, for the most part, H is just miserable. I am trying so hard not to be the same as H. We have a beautiful 23 month old daughter who I don't want scarred by his behaviour so I try even harder to be happy. The problem is I miss feeling loved by my H. I miss the affection and the fun. I'm so worried about the effect of this type of relationship on my daughter and I'm SO angry because I want to protect her. For those of you out there with kids, does this withdrawal stage impact them negatively?

{{{{{{{{terrified}}}}}}}}}}<P>I don't have any words of wisdom. I feel exactly how you feel. Just wanted you to know. I will add you in my prayers tonight.<P>I am 2 months from d-day. My H will be leaving next week "for a couple of months." maybe. he's not sure if he'll return to us.<P>I am so scared and sad and worried for my kids. <P>Do you have Surviving An Affair. It describes withdrawal pretty well. Your daughter is pretty young. You can do a lot to minimize effects on her.<P>Good Luck. I know that others who have experienced this will have more to say to you. <P>I just wanted you to know that you were not alone in your thinking and feeling .<P><BR>Cali

Thanks Cali, you will also be in my prayers.

Sorry to hear that cali, I don't have any answers (as you know), just feedback, and opinions. But I have given all this a lot of thought and attention, and if anything at all will uncover the truth of a relationship I think it is the MB gameplan. Although I know it is of little comfort to a BS, I do really think that a good effort at MB stuff means you can figure you did all you could, and if it is not to be then somewhere (down the road) there is a man who will fit you better than you thought possible. I struggle alot with the basic psychology of marriage, what love is or is not, what is fog what is not, how people really fit deep down and how they can like each other but a marriage just not work somehow......... but I do think bottom line is that 2 people should be passionate (and I am not meaning sexually here) about each other for a marriage to make sense, and if either one is not, then it is not a good thing to "make" it work. This is a tough call when kids are involved cause I think one can (and should) give up some passion for the sake of the committment to parent. I am also vehemently opposed to fault finding, blaming (either BS or WS), the goal needs to be an emotionally honest appraisal of the marriage itself by each party. I do think your husband should (without really knowing all about your lives), be willing to give the MB a fair shot before leaveing, I am (allthough getting started is rough), and am sorry to hear he does not seem to be. I think I understand why, but I know how hard that must be for you to understand. My advice is still the same, do the plan A, be as irresistable as you think you want to be, and let him make all his own decisions without any manipulation at all from you, the odds are in your favor (if the marriage is "supposed" to work at all).... but if it does not, you got a long life ahead, sound like a desireable woman, and you will be allright IMO....good luck.

H continues to be listless, unresponsive...it feels like we're growing apart because generally, he doesn't want to share with me the details of his day. It's so lonely to watch your H become a stranger. Is there anything that I should be doing to prevent this from getting any worse?

The rules of honesty, protection and care are important here. You should share with him your day: including your fears; and you should give him a safe environment to do the same. If you haven't done so, you both should do the Emotional Needs questionnaire.<P>Prayers for you,<BR>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Hello STL, Should I share even though it appears he's really not interested?

Terrified, I do so recognise what you are going through. i have been posting on in recovery.I am not sure about telling him things even if he is not interested. Do you know he is not interested? I know that I am very sensitive to the slightest rejection now and that I can imagine my H is less interested than he really is.<BR>How long was the A?<BR>My daughter is 6 years old and I too have been very worried about the impact of all this on her. much more worried than H. He first told me about the A after it had finished in December and the first weeks were horrendous, terrible tension and it was like we really hated each other. She reaally suffered through this I think, she would not go to sleep , sometimes she would creep downstairs and listen to our conversations.At one point we had decided he should move out and we even tolde her he was going and then he changed his mind. I fear that this has made her quite uncertain but am glad that she has told lots of people about it and i would not stop her doing that. I think it is good for her to talk about it. I try to give her lots of time and cuddles, athough sometimes the strain of all this makes me irritable and I am sad about that.<BR>My H describes being in a bubble and is so unloving at times it's unbearable. It is now 6 months and there have been contacts with OW since then. He is less iritable than he was and less miserable.He is taking some homeopathic remedy for the depression.

Dear C44, My H's A lasted 1 1/2 years. Since she is from overseas, they've seen each other only twice. However, they emailed and phoned each other every day. I wish you love and warmth for your little girl. She's still too young to be going through this situation so I imagine you must feel angry. I know that I am.<P>Hugs & Prayers