Those of you not familiar with my story...Short version. H had EA and PA that lasted on and off for year and a half. Finally ended when H gave OW an ultimatum. (Ultimatum: We leave our spouses and start a new life together, or we break up now and never have contact again, and try to save our marriages) He had tried to break things off before, but this time he meant it. She did not take him up on the offer, (professed her undying love for him, but said she wanted to do the right thing and did not want to move away) and he moved 700 miles away and I joined him 4months later. We've been in our current location for almost 2 years. We are together and very happy now. He seems to be compltely honest and sincere about our relationhip now.<P>OW does not know exactly where we moved, she knows the state and possibly the area we moved to. Our number is listed. H says he has had no contact and all signs seem to confirm this. However, we have been getting some strange numbers on our caller ID... Like I said we are 700 miles away. We still have family in our old hometown, but I know all their numbers. This numbers are from our hometown and I don't recognize it. Most of the time, (70% of time) the calls seem to happen during the day when we are at work... but I happened to answer the phone once and it was a hangup. So I got mad and called the number back. No answer. So I called the number again later and got a sound that sounded like a fax machine or modem dialing up. The town we moved from is small so it is unlikely that it is a telemarketer or something. My H is as perplexed as I am and says if it is her and he answers, he will just tell her to not call again and he does not want to talk to her. <P>A friend who lives in that town said that the last four digits seem to be from a payphone. (like I said it is a small town, all numbers like this seem to be pay phone numbers...XXX-XXX-91XX) I know her number and would recognize it and she knows that. I looked up the number in directory and it is not listed.<P>My question is, do you think she has tracked us down? Is there another explanation for these calls? Is there a rational explanation that a fax or modem might be accidently calling our house? If it is, what are the chances that a fax machine or modem from our hometown would happen to dial our number? Or is it OW? How do I find out? It is important for me to know because we have discussed the possibility of moving back to be closer to our families and if she is still trying or considering a relationship with my H, it would play a huge part in our decision. H is doing well, but life has been pleasant without the possibility of her interference.<P>Help!!!!! especially you people with technical knowledge.

JenniJ:<P>You seem to be on the right track, the two of you, and that is a good thing.<P>If the OW is trying to contact your H, his response seems appropriate: no contact. Has a No Contact letter been sent? If not, I would recommend doing one as soon as possible.<P>You said there appears to be no other indication of contact. That is a good thing. So, take some small steps to head OW off (as you have), and concern yourself more with the continuance of your recovery.<P>Godspeed and good luck,<BR>STL

ditto STL.<P>How 'bout just getting a new, unlisted number?<P>WAT

thanks guys... I have read a lot of your posts and have a lot of respect for your outlooks.<P>About the no-contact letter... At the time, my H was obsessed with OW, his main priority was not to save the marriage. He did not buy into the MB principles and refused to do a letter. After she turned him down, he felt he had to meet with her and tell her goodbye. They had a tearful meeting, complete with the "I will always love you", "you'll always be my true love" blah, blah, blah. That is how they left things. That is another reason I am worried. As far as she knows, he still is pining away for her. The affair did not really die a natural death. Should we do a no-contact letter at this point (almost 2 years later)? OR would that just stir things up again? Particularly if we do not know if she is calling...<P>WAT.. as for the new number, we have considered it and will probably do that particularly if the problems persists.<P>Thanks in advance for your replies and insights. <p>[This message has been edited by JenniJ (edited June 25, 2001).]

OK Jenni, I have to ask the difficult question. Are you in denial that your H has possibly contacted her? Unfortunately, this could be the most likely cause of the mystery calls. Sorry, but we need to play the devil's advocate sometimes.<P>WAT

Yes, I have considered that hard question. I guess after an affair, you have to weigh everything that the WS says if you are wise. And I'm not going to bet my life on the fact that he has not... I guess that is one of the repercussions of an A.<BR>Having said all that... the reaction he has when the number shows up makes me believe him. There are so many things in our relationship and life different now than when the A was going on. He always was so defensive of her and defended her when the A was going on, and now he seems to be out of the fog and is willing to concede many faults of hers and talks about her negatively. He does not want to move near her and I think if the A was going on, he would want to be closer. We rarely go back to our hometown and when we do, we stay together and don't go places without the other. No unexplained long-distance phone calls from our phone, emails, etc. His attitude toward me is very different than during the A and he is very loving and acts as if he is in love.<P>I say all this and now I'm laughing because 1 of 2 things must be true: 1) Yes, I'm in complete denial and he's doing a good "snow job" or 2) He is being faithful <P>I do appreciate the devil's advocate question... If there is one thing we BSs need at times, it is that. We know we can't always trust our perceptions of our spouses and our relationships. <P>Any thoughts about the no-contact letter at this point?

Jenni - I'm confident you're being objective. I can't find a flaw in your logic - just trying to be safe.<P>I've never had the pleasure of helping to send a no contact letter, so I can't fall back on personal experience. Do you think your H would have the same reaction if you suggested it now? It certainly can't hurt, but I understand you hesitency to stir things up. However, if he still doesn't want to do it, what would you conclude then? A toughie.<P>WAT

. <p>[This message has been edited by jdmac1 (edited August 04, 2001).]

I agree with jd, don't send a no contact letter unless you are positive that it is her. What u can do is what i did, and that is to put a block on your phone where NO PRIVATE NUMBERS can come through on your line. Almost every area has it, it is free and all u have to do is press, *78 (actually, I forget the number to put the block on, but in order for private numbers to contact you, the recording will tell them to dial *82 so that there call will not be private for JUST THAT CALL to you). If it comes up UNDELIVERABLE, then usually it is a telemarketer or a collection agency. But even then the phone company has a block for those too, but there is a $5 monthly fee for that service. Don't change your phone number because of this, just put the free block on and then it will make it easier to see who is calling you. Call you local telephone company to find out the exact *digits that you have to press to activate your phone block.

I have talked to my H about the no-contact letter (Now that he is a believer in MB principles)... He doesn't think it is necessary and that their last meeting was sufficient. I wanted a letter at one point because I didnt't like the tone of the last conversation (too lovey-dovey)We have discussed the letter recently and he thinks (and I concur, based on what I know about OW) that it would make her mad. She is really psycho..short-tempered, vindictive and manipulative, especially when she is upset. He thinks with 2 years of no contact, things are self-explanatory and he has no interest in dredging things up again. Her H has no knowledge of the A, by the way. I think he would do the letter if I really pushed the issue however.<P>I think if it is the OW calling, a letter would be necessary. This leads me back to where we started and trying to figure out if it is her calling or a freak accident with a modem or some machine. My only theory is that maybe (if it is her) she is calling from work, using a phone on a fax machine so we can't trace it and if we call it back we would get that weird sound.

Thanks JD and Trying...<BR>That is definitely a consideration. I have only had the courage to try to call the number back twice. I'm almost afraid she will answer and I will freak and not know what to say. Like I said, she is somewhat psycho and I am a non-confrontational person for the most part. <P>Interestingly, H and I have done some talking lately. He says in a weird way our feelings about her have given her a type of power over our life and I agree somewhat. I have worked hard to let my hatred for her go... He thinks it might be a good thing for me to contact her and let these things go and clear the air. He thinks that if we see her when we are back visiting it would not be as awkward and painful. (It is a small town... we almost always pass her or see her in passing when we are visiting our family) If I let go of my strong negative emotions toward her and tell her, that that relationship and her "mystique" would lessen. He thinks that might help him in some weird way????<P>I don't get it at all. I can't understand his thoughts on this, but I don't know if I have the courage to do this anyway.

I think contact would be a big mistake and could re-establish contact. I think she phoned from a phone booth. I think you should still be a bit careful and suspicious.

. <P> <p>[This message has been edited by jdmac1 (edited August 04, 2001).]