My H left our home last week after sitting on the fence for far too long. His A ended last October, but according to him, he has needed to 'get out' for 10 years. It appears that he to has re-written our history to be all negative. He is currently at one of those 'extended stay' hotels as we cannot afford for him to sign a lease or furnish an apartment. <P>Our children just think that he is out of town until this Friday because we could not tell our D what was going on and then send her off for this week at camp. It is our plan to tell S and D that daddy has moved out this Saturday (our 17th anniversary). <P>When I talked with H earlier today, he asked how I was doing and I said how difficult this is for me and how I hope this is just temporary. I feel that he has never really tried marriage counseling, although we have briefly been in 3 different counseling situations. When I mentioned this to him again, he got very agitated and said that he decided a long time ago that he needed to be out of our marriage and that going through counseling will just cause him to have to convince a new counselor (Steve Harley) and me how serious he is and that he is not interested in working on our marriage.<P>He is willing to complete the EN and LB questionnaires and even to talk with Steve (they have had one session already) because Steve is approaching this as achieving happiness, not just saving the marriage at all cost. But, he is quick to add that he will not slow down in his quest to be out of our home permanently and that he feels this counseling plan is just another ploy to try and convince him to stay(or come back) against his will.<P>I was really down this afternoon because our conversation was so confrontational and negative. When he called just a while ago to tell our S goodnight, we both apologized for the heated conversation this afternoon, and he explained that the only time that he ever gets away from the pressure is when he is asleep. Since leaving our home last week, he has had things planned every afternoon and night (mostly his choice) but he is planning on spending some time alone tonight. It seems to me that he is not only running from our home situation, but also running from himself. <P>This is the most difficult time that I have every had.. I must put on the brave face for my children because they don't know that he has moved out, and I must deal with not having my H at home. This along with the difficulty of hearing that he has not been in love with me for the last 10 years, may not have ever been in love with me, does not want to work on our marriage, sees no future for us (you know, the standard WS script)<P>There are times that my H's kind and loving personality sneaks through to remind me of all of his wonderful qualities. Usually, when he realizes that he has let his guard down, the walls rise quickly and the defensive and narrow-minded evil twin takes over.<P>Sorry for the rambling....I have no where else to vent and this is tearing me up. Thanks for taking the time to read....

BMW:<P>This is the place to vent. Your H is definitely in the fog. Well, hang on and see what Steve can do.<P>Know, however that there are bunches of folks here on MB who will lend an ear, try to make you laugh when you are down.<P>Its like an extended family without the sleepovers.<P>Godspeed and good luck,<BR>STL

I hear you and feel for you. It is so hard.<P>Your H sounds so lost. I hope that he goes through with more talks with Steve, because through time this can change. We've seen it happen on MB.<P>Hearing the rewritten history is very difficult. I also heard a flurry of it in the early days of my wife's affair (that I didn't know about at first). She even said that she had doubts on our wedding day. I was silly enough to believe her at first, but now I realize that this was just the usual revisions to the past to suit their current wishes.<P>How old are the kids?<P>I hope that tomorrow brings you a better day.

Rick37,<P>S is 12, D is 10. According to their Dr., this is one of the most difficult times for them to go through this due to all of the other 'pre-teen' pressures. S also has ADD and is on medication. (H has it too, but refuses to take medicine).<P>thanks for letting me vent.

Vent away bmw - better you do it here than to your WS <BR>What IS is about being married for 17 years....there are so many of us that are having problems after that particular time-span. I'm going to put a post up on the subject...<P>hugs, Paint.