I went to my our hometown parade last night. I got home from work and got kids ready and left. My H didn't want to go because he said he wanted to mow. He was heading out to mow then as I was leaving he said he might just wait an hour because it was too hot. I said bye and he kissed me and told me to drive careful. I was on the road for about 10 minutes and my cell phone rings. It was my H. He asked if something was up or the matter, he said it seemed liked I changed or something. I said I was just in a hurry because the parade started at 6:00pm. Then he asked where I was at. I said on my way there. Then he said, NO exactly where are you at. I said, I don't know what street I'm passing, why? He said he just wanted to know. Then he asked what time I was getting home. I said after the parade. He told me to stay awhile and sit and visit with them. I got to my H's parents house. I rode with his mom to the parade. I told her what H said when he called. She tought the same thing I did. He was leaving and trying to make sure I wasn't going to be home. So his mom called our house and his cell phone, NO ANSWER. When I got home last night he was very distant, didn't ask about anything. He wanted to sleep in the top bunk bed with one of our girls. I told him I didn't trust it and his weight. He laid in bed and didn't have much to say. Again he was distant not touching me. I told him I talked to Dr. Harley and he asked what about. I just said some things I'm working on for myself. I said there's another appointment at 2:00pm on Thursday if he wanted to talk to him. He said he wasn't sure he thought he might have something going on....I'm sorry this is an excuse. This morning I looked in his wallet to see if he had withdrawn anymore money. I saw he took out $10 yesterday and only has $2 left. I also noticed a house key stuck in front of his credit cards. It wasn't there Sunday or Monday. I have been checking his receipts in his wallet to see how much he takes out. He took $20 on Saturday and $45 Sunday afternoon and $10 yesterday. That's a total of $75. I do not have a clue what he is doing with it. I'm scared to ask him. I thought maybe I saw some of the light peaking through his fog on Friday and Saturday afternoon but now there's NO visability now again. I put a christian card in his truck yesterday so he could read it yesterday. It had encouragement words in it written through the word of GOD. He NEVER said anything about it. He probably likes his other card he got from the OW all about LOVE and how she wrote she loves him, needs him, wants him, and misses him. <BR>signed HEART & SOUL, OW she put a date of 06/16/01 I don't know exactly when she gave it to him though.<P>This is what I think he's doing. He's living at home so he can say he tried, then move out. Then draw up the Divorce papers and live happy with the OW. <P>I don't know if I should have just listened to what people told me in the beginning to just kick him out. Right now it feels like the more he's staying home the more distant and more separated he's becoming with me. I don't know how to make things happy at home. I try but I know he's comparing me to OW. At home is the same old stuff, boring and not fun. Then he thinks or goes there and it's exciting conversation and feelings. <P>I was warned about this OW that she has to win and VERY conquering. Seems like as soon as my H is willing she steps in with something and messes him all up. I was told NOT to confront her either. This person said she would actually consider this woman dangerous. She said she doesn't feel she's 100% there. What should I do? I feel all the prayers and hard work I'm doing will not work. It's doing the opposite. I want this OW to know I am NOT going to let my H go without a fight. I want everyone to know that this girl will not stand to have anyone mess with her family or life. But how???? I know what I do now will only make my H get drawn into her more. He'll say poor OW. I honestly think if the OW and I were both hurt he would go to her bedside before mine. Any suggestions to get him to stop and turn around and look and think? Right now he thinks he's a beautiful stud & womans man. I'm just an old boring thing he's had and seen for the last 10 years.<BR>He's noticed me wearing different clothes, he has looked twice. But then when he talks about me it's all past tense like it will never be again. He even is doing things on his own. He said he wanted to bring our twin girls to the new water park. I said I could take a day off and we could all go. He said he can handle it by himself. Well I think OW and her kids were going too, her idea. But I shouldn't think that way. He is really trying to not do anything together anymore as a family. Like he's trying to get used to it now how it will be like when we divorce.<P>Any suggestions,<BR>LOVEMESS<P><BR>My H just called me said he was picking up the truck. He didn't want to come into my work. He said he wanted me to bring the keys out to the truck and open the windows. When he arrived I helped put the girls in the truck because he took them back with him to his brothers today as he helped him tear down a barn. He was VERY distant to me. He was VERY short in words and no expressions. It's like he hates me for something like I did something wrong. I was being nice. I do talk and go over to his parents and brothers. They of course are behind me 100% should I not talk or see them anymore??? But they are my only support. Maybe he's thinking I'm getting everyone against him. I can't help everyone is on my side. I'm not doing anything to make them on my side. I am in a no win situation and he's hating me more and more everyday. He's supposed to talk to Dr. Harley tomorrow. I don't know if he will and if he does I hope he doesn't run and think Dr. Harley is against him too.<BR>I feel like I'm behind by 100 points and there's only 30 seconds on the clock left before this game is over. I could just pull my hair out. My H thinks he hates me and I'm the fault for making everyone feel this ways towards him. Maybe I should just stay somewhere with the girls for a while??<P>LOVEMESS<P><BR> <BR><p>[This message has been edited by LoveMess (edited June 27, 2001).]

You may not like my suggestion - but please give it some thought <P>Fact No. 1 is that NO-ONE, not us, not family, not friends can clear his 'fog' for him. You have to accept that this is something that will eventually clear, given time - but there's not much, if anything, you can do to help it along.<P>Fact No. 2 is that often the ONLY thing we can do is to just sit back and let it happen. Look after ourselves and let our WS's go and learn the hard way. We can't protect them from this, as much as we'd like to. All we can do is to stay strong, stay focussed on the goal, and be there to help him pick up the pieces when the fog finally clears and he realises what a complete idiot he's been.<P>Hang in there,<BR>hugs, Paint.

A WS's fog, like any other type of weather is not predictable or changable by normal mortals.<P>Godspeed, our prayers are with you,<BR>STL