I am not sure what the purpose of this post is. I just feel so absolutely destroyed right now. I don't even know a word that describes it. I can honestly say that in this moment, I am experiencing pain on a scale that I have never felt before. I want to disappear. I cannot even give details, too uncomfortable. I'm not sure what responses I'll get, and I'm not sure that I really want any. I'm just feeling so lost and hurt, that I came here to let some of it out. Sorry, guys...no worries. Not gonna do anything rash, really. Just OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG.

I hope that my prayers will be what you need to quickly get over this "down time".<P>I am so sorry you are hurting so badly. I am also sorry you feel you can't share with us right now.<P>If we can do anything please make sure to say so!<P>Isn't that what we are all here for?<P>Hugs to you my friend-<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."<p>[This message has been edited by heartache (edited June 27, 2001).]

Don't stop. Keep venting. We're listening.

<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Arik}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>

Arik,<P>You can keep doing it, buddy. Hi, btw.<P>Keep talking. If it's uncomfortable to give details, that's ok with us, but you can still tell us how you feel, and that will help. Talking to someone will help.<P>This dungeon just keeps getting deeper, doesn't it. Just when you think you got to the bottom of the thing, you find there's even more floors below you.<P>Let more of it out, ok?<P>Ish

Arik,<P>You can keep doing it, buddy. Hi, btw.<P>Keep talking. If it's uncomfortable to give details, that's ok with us, but you can still tell us how you feel, and that will help. Talking to someone will help.<P>This dungeon just keeps getting deeper, doesn't it. Just when you think you got to the bottom of the thing, you find there's even more floors below you.<P>Let more of it out, ok?<P>Ish

Arik--I don't know you...have only read a couple of your posts, but i totally understand the complete devastation you are talking about....<P>Prayerfully,<P>Cali

Can't vent. Can't explain. Can't do anything but feel like this. Sorry for causing alarm. You guys all have issues that are helping you resolve conflicts in life. My issue isn't one that can ever resolve anything, or for that matter, apparently ever be resolved, or ever benefit anyone, or for that matter ever do anything beneficial for my own life. I lost a part of myself today that I can never regain, and I guess this is just the depressed result.<p>[This message has been edited by Being a better Arik (edited June 28, 2001).]

Arik, I am so sorry to hear your pain. Please, when you are feeling more up to it, please share with us what is going on.<P>We are here for you. Get it out.<BR><<<<<<<<<<hugs>>>>>>>>>

Take heart Arik, you are not alone.<P>Vent, reveal what you wish to reveal, discuss what you wish to discuss, take from this board what you need.<P>We are all here for each other. Glad to have you aboard, not glad for the circumstance.<P>Keeping you in prayers,<BR>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Arik,<BR>When you hit bottom, the thing is to get to your feet slowly. Apologize or forgive, whichever is appropriate, set your mind on the good, and start over fresh each morning.<P>I wish I could help more, but I don't know if you did something, someone did something to you, or this is just more fallout from your A.<P>I've had the "disappear" wish. To have never existed at all. You can get through it.<P>Do you have a counselor? Good friend? A pastor/religious leader? Can you talk to Nicole?<P>You've got friends here.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious...think about these things." Phil 4:8

Arik,<P>I know where you are. Maybe I haven't been on that subbasement in the dungeon, but I've been in one like it, maybe further up. I can see that you can't vent or explain, but I think it would help you if you did. On the other hand, the next things you say, I understand how you feel, but they are not true.<P>My issue isn't one that can ever resolve anything, <P>My friend, how do you "know" this? There could be someone out here who has struggled with this issue and found hope. Or someone who has been there before and can help you find your way. How do you *know* this?<P>or for that matter, apparently ever be resolved,?<P>Arik, I'm taking a risk here, but it sounds like someone told you it couldn't be resolved. And somewhere in your heart you think that maybe it can. I can't think of another reason you would say "apparently."<P>or ever benefit anyone,<P>how do you know this? If there is one thing that the 20th Century and especially the internet should have taught people, is that, somewhere, someone shares their experience, and in the sharing there can be learning, and in the learning, understanding, and in the understanding, mastering.<P>or for that matter ever do anything beneficial for my own life. <P>Arik, I remember the pain I felt when I read my wife's word's to her lover. The outpouring of emotion and love and intimacy that I thought was mine. I big part of me died that day. And almost a year later I'm still very sure it was a part of me that I would have rather not died. But something new is going to grow in it's place. I'm still not sure what yet. But I know something is. Whatever died in you today, something new will regrow, and it could be the same thing that died, new and better, or something new and different. We don't know until we follow the path. You are not the depressed result, but only the pain of the death. Something new will come.<P>But you are very mistaken when you think that no one could benefit from what you are going through, or that there is no resolution to what has come upon you. There are people and there is a resolution, but we cannot know what or who they will be.<P>You can talk as long as you want. Only don't stop listening as well. Only in hearing, does talking find it's birth. Someone said that, I don't remember who.<P>Ish<BR>

Arik,<P>I know where you are. Maybe I haven't been on that subbasement in the dungeon, but I've been in one like it, maybe further up. I can see that you can't vent or explain, but I think it would help you if you did. On the other hand, the next things you say, I understand how you feel, but they are not true.<P>My issue isn't one that can ever resolve anything, <P>My friend, how do you "know" this? There could be someone out here who has struggled with this issue and found hope. Or someone who has been there before and can help you find your way. How do you *know* this?<P>or for that matter, apparently ever be resolved,?<P>Arik, I'm taking a risk here, but it sounds like someone told you it couldn't be resolved. And somewhere in your heart you think that maybe it can. I can't think of another reason you would say "apparently."<P>or ever benefit anyone,<P>how do you know this? If there is one thing that the 20th Century and especially the internet should have taught people, is that, somewhere, someone shares their experience, and in the sharing there can be learning, and in the learning, understanding, and in the understanding, mastering.<P>or for that matter ever do anything beneficial for my own life. <P>Arik, I remember the pain I felt when I read my wife's word's to her lover. The outpouring of emotion and love and intimacy that I thought was mine. I big part of me died that day. And almost a year later I'm still very sure it was a part of me that I would have rather not died. But something new is going to grow in it's place. I'm still not sure what yet. But I know something is. Whatever died in you today, something new will regrow, and it could be the same thing that died, new and better, or something new and different. We don't know until we follow the path. You are not the depressed result, but only the pain of the death. Something new will come.<P>But you are very mistaken when you think that no one could benefit from what you are going through, or that there is no resolution to what has come upon you. There are people and there is a resolution, but we cannot know what or who they will be.<P>You can talk as long as you want. Only don't stop listening as well. Only in hearing, does talking find it's birth. Someone said that, I don't remember who.<P>Ish<BR>

Look at all who care......<P>I think you found something as well, huh?<P>Keep talking. <P>Love,<P>Momma

Glad to see you back, buddy....you've been missed...<P>just soak up all the good vibes being sent your way...<P>count to 1 billion and 42........and breathe........<P><BR>it's so very hard when you don't know what you want or need.....it's harder when all you see is despair and realize how you got there.....<P>I don't know who, what, where, etc.....but it is time for you to get some help...<P>What is coming up may potentially be the hardest thing you go through (well...the affair you had is right up there too)...and I think you need help to see you through it...<P>I don't rightly know what to say....you are such a good friend....as is Nicole......I am embarassed that I do not know how to help you...and I soo wish I could.....where's the darned magical wand when I need it?????<P>still......I'm here for you..Deut is here for you too.....you e-mail or call when you need.....<P>you are loved, Arik.......<P><BR>Dude........it's only over when you stop trying.......<P><BR>Dylan<BR>ps: sorry this is such a lame-a$$ post........you <I>know</I> what I'm trying horribly to say.....<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>"The journey into darkness has been long and cruel, and you have gone deep into it."<BR>~ A Course in Miracles

up for arik....

Arik:<P>Today is a new day. It is full of hope that lies beyond despair. A single step toward that hope will make the day fulfilling.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Too many realizations. Too much guilt. Too much fear. Emotional overload. <p>[This message has been edited by Being a better Arik (edited June 28, 2001).]

{{{{{Arik}}}}}

<<<<<<<<<<<Arik>>>>>>>>>>