Hey, I appreciate all your support and words of encouragement, but WhoDat is completely right...DON'T DO AS I DO!<P>I am in the depths of something really bad right now and this stuff only feels good for a second, then you want to follow it with something else...<P>But you know what, the pain is still there...is still there....is still there.<P>Keep the faith, I seem to be losing mine.<P>Cali

Cali:<P>No, major LBs are not the way to go: but sometimes that fleeting pleasure you get is all you get to know for long stretches of time.<P>So no one faults you for them. Stay the course.<P>We are all here for you,<BR>Keeping you in prayers,<BR>Godspeed,<BR>STL

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> So no one faults you for them.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Huh. I was pretty sure <B>I</B> did. Don’t presume to speak for me. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> Stay the course.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I’d rather see her alter her course to one that will give her the best chance of saving her marriage... should she so desire. <P>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die<P><p>[This message has been edited by WhoDat (edited June 27, 2001).]

Yeah, I guess WhoDat was right. I think we all just got carried away because we had wished we had the ba**s to do that!! (I know I did).<P>Cali, is there any chance of you going back to plan A for at least a little while before implementing plan B? You did such a good job I hate for you to lose all that groundwork.

Wasn't speaking for you, WhoDat. Just wasn't faulting Cali for having human emotion. In my other posts I didn't condone it: just understood it. I point out the LB and its possible detriment (then again, possible benefit).<P>But when someone is depressed, you deal with the depression first; give them the momentary respite needed to pick themselves up and dust themselves off. Then you can tell them that they tripped. You don't look down at them and say, "Hey, Cali, guess what, you fell down."<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Cali - did you see my post and STL's on the weather forecast thread? Please do.<P>STL - Ok, I putting that one in my book of quotes: "You don't look down at them and say, "Hey, Cali, guess what, you fell down." That's another one my SIL will enjoy.<P>PS. why is it, every time I see the initial of your name it registers in my brain as "Saturday Night Live" (SNL) -- I'm in the fog <P>ish

Ish:<P>As long as you don't confused it with Sometimes Totally Lost <smile><P>Keep hanging, Cali, we're putting more rope out.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

OK, I know that I usually butt in where I am not wanted, but I just have to here;<P>WHAT THE HE** IS GOING ON HERE!??????<P>First we praise her and then we say....oh nooooooo, we can't do that.<P>Cali, you are a human being and sometimes, we humans have every right to do exactly what you did. We have a right to stand up for our needs and call a spade a spade and to make the other person look right into the filth that they have created for us, our kids and the people around us.<P>Don't you feel sorry for what you did! I have kept up with a lot of the posts and from what I have seen, you bust your butt to make things work and then he goes out and trashes it!<P>You are one of the strongest people in these forums...I find your advice to be great!<P>Don't get second thoughts now. When he starts this 'How dare you' crap, you just look at him and say 'don't you how dare me! You are the one that chose the course that we are taking and since you started it, I am going to finish it!'<P>If I sound perturbed, I am...the biggest thing to this whole forum thing is to gain STRENGTH for OURSELVES as well as to try and save our relationship.<P>OK, I will get off the soapbox now and retreat to my little rubber room.....

Freddyb:<P>I wouldn't call it exactly congratulating her. At least in MY case (better WhoDat?). Just understood her mounting frustration, hurt and anger. Releasing it is not the "rules according to Harley" ... but the Harley/MB philosophy takes a utopian view of recovery.<P>In between the various peaks on the way to full recovery, are valleys into which we fall. Sometimes they are ones of despair, anguish and depression. If so, we extend a rope and lift them out: just like Cali has lifted so many others out.<P>Sometimes the valleys into which we fall are LBs ... despite the support MB and Harley's books provide, we fall prey to human emotions of the moment.<P>In the heat of combat, having just blasted the enemy, it is pointless to look back and say, "Gee, I was supposed to ask them to surrender first." We can just acknowledge that next time we need to try a bit harder.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Dear Cali,<P>Pinch!!! did that hurt? I am sure it did. Ok, so you are human. If this if the worse thing you have ever done, you will survive. I believe I posted my response to you after you started this thread. You will find that I did similar. I am not encouraging it but for me it was necessary and will not apologize for it. I did give it thought and that is why I am willing to live with the consequences. Did I like doing those things? No. Just had a need. <P>I am human also but I did not go and have an A and hurt my family. Enough said and done. <P>Cali, don't beat yourself up over this. Remember move forward, live and learn. You are becoming a better person but the gap between you and your H is widening. He is going in the other direction so he is angry at you. Do you have a right to ever be angry at him? Just watch where that anger takes you. <P>Again, I understand. Please take care of yourself. You are doing ok. <P>L.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Orchid (edited June 28, 2001).]

Blimey - I take the girls out shopping and come back to Hurricane Cali I ALWAYS miss the exciting bits...!!! <P>Right or wrong - we're human. Cali - you hurt so much because you have a heart - that's a GOOD thing. Those things you did were all done in a single day - it's a drop in the ocean...<P>All together now..."The sun'll come out Tomorrow, Got to hang on 'till tomorrow....come what may....Tomorrow!, Tomorrow!, I love ya, Tomorrow...you're only a day away..."<P>hugs, Paint.

Hey, you should change your handle again - 'HurricaneCali' sounds quite catchy.... <P>Paint

As I said in your other FALLOUT POST:<BR>Gee funny how the WS feel that they are only humans who made a mistake and we should work together to get over it and move forward. Stronger, just tell those who condem you for such behavior to GET OVER IT you are only human afterall, you and we all know it wasn't a Plan A move but you certainly don't need to be reminded of your mistake, I guess some need to be reminded of that!

<B><BR>Keep the faith, I seem to be losing mine.<BR></B><P>Good suggestion <BR>Someone told me once "Just do"<P>------------------<BR>Prayers, Hugs, and Strength from both of us. Things do and can get better. Keep hoping, learning, and growing. Take care of yourself.<P>[H] and Knewjie

<B>SeenTheLight</B><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> But when someone is depressed, you deal with the depression first; give them the momentary respite needed to pick themselves up and dust themselves off. Then you can tell them that they tripped. You don't look down at them and say, "Hey, Cali, guess what, you fell down."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Huh... interesting analogy. Not really relevant, of course; unless you were commending me for telling her she tripped. It seems to me that most people saw what she did and tied her shoelaces together before “helping her up.”<P><B>trying_2_forgive</B><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> you and we all know it wasn't a Plan A move but you certainly don't need to be reminded of your mistake, I guess some need to be reminded of that!<BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>So then why did the majority of respondents tell her what a good thing she had done? <P>FWIW, I totally understand her reaction; having the affair thrown in your face like that on a constant basis must be a living hell I can’t understand. But understanding that reaction doesn’t make it <B>right</B> and telling her it is isn’t doing her any favors.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die

oops<p>[This message has been edited by zorweb (edited June 28, 2001).]

WhoDat:<P>Oh, and YOU untied the shoelaces by telling her that hers was the "worst" you had seen?<P>I try to be amicable, mostly, but I suppose rudeness (and your continuance of this nonsense instead of going out and answering other posts) begets rudeness.<P>(And go look up zealot.)<P>STL<BR><p>[This message has been edited by SeenTheLight (edited June 28, 2001).]