I had a long talk with my husband last night...... I honestly believe that it never got physical. I can not say that if I wouldn't have caught him when I did that it wouldn't have gotten physical though. The OW lived in another state, so meeting without my knowledge would have been difficult. The only person he chatted with in our state was an 18 year old girl that was pregnant, she sent pictures of the baby and her boyfriend. He was basically into "cybersex", and the relationship with the OW developed from that. I did e-mail the OW to find out what she had to say, and she said that it was just a friendship. That my husband was a nice guy, and that they just exchanged jokes and webpages. She also said that she had never intended to break up our marriage, that she was sorry, and she would no longer contact my husband.<P>I do know that this is hurting my husband, and I know we both just wish this could go away. But, like my mother always said, "Wish in one hand, **** in the other, and see which one fills up first!"<P>Thanks

SEP:<P>You and your H are on the right course, MB is sort of like the AAA for mapping your marital recovery. These forums and Dr. Harley's books exist as tools for the two of you to not only rebuild your marriage, but to also give you the tools to take it to levels you never knew existed.<P>If you haven't already, read Dr. Harley's Surviving an Affair.<P>Glad you found us, but not the circumstance.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

SEPeterson:<P>i agree with STL. i tis important that you get your marriage back on the right track. maybe he didn't have a PA, but he was having cybersex.(was that with the 18yrold or with the OW? i'm not sure) it doesn't matter though. because when he was having cybersex, he should have been with you. if you were looking at it with him it would have been a different story, but since he was doing it behind your back and taking time away from your marriage, it is very wrong. it is horrible to think he was in there doing that while you were out or sleeping or whatever. i am sorry.<P>hopefully the OW will stay out of your life and email. hopefully she won't try to contact again, ar your H contact her. how would your H feel if you had a long ongoing cybersex friendship with another man for a long time?<BR>i bet he wouldn't put up with it.<P>goodluck and keep us posted.....MB is always here. read the material here. it is inspiring. start building your marriage back. i would encourage your H to read MB also.<BR>i think it works best when both parties are willing to change and show effort, not just say okay i will change and i am sorry. been there done that. if your H still has and email or you have a joint email, send him the monthly newsletter. that's what i did to my H email. and he read it and eventually came to the MB site. i am trying to get him to read at least one part a day. <P>take care....and best of luck.....bluegirl

I am sorry for the confusion.......<P>The eighteen year old was just chat. She was moving to our state with one of her parents and wanted to know more about the state. The "cybersex" was with the OW and I don't know if their were others. He told me that he met her in a chat room that was devoted to "cybersex", and that they became friends and exchanged e-mail addresses, his secret one of course. My husbands reaction to this web site was typical...... He figured it was for angry women (not men), and that the advice I got would be one sided. I told him about some of your responses, and that I was looking for something that might help me to get past this. He is now all for it. He says that he wants me to do whatever I have to do to feel better. Therapy was his idea. I was ready to pack my bags and go. I know it bothers him that I still need therapy, but he wants me to do whatever I need to. Apparently the therapist doesn't think my husband needs to go anymore. She says that he knows what he wants, me back, and he is willing to do whatever it takes to get me back. He even offered to quit his job, and get another job where he's not around a computer all day! I wish we could afford for him to do that, it would relieve all doubt for me!<P>Thanks again