alright, i'm probably going to get flamed for this but here goes...<P>so you went back to your wife out of obligation and guilt, NOT because you love her? no wonder you're having a difficult time making the marriage work. your w loves you but you don't love her. why did you marry her in the first place? if you didn't marry her for love then maybe you have been doing things for all the wrong reasons right from the start. so before i go any further, please answer whether you married your wife for love. thanks.

If Painforever married for love originally, and has returned out of obligation and guilt, it is still the first step. Many of the Books (Harley's and others like After the Affair) say to "do it even if you don't feel it yet". Deposit those love units... the feelings will evolve. Let's not forget the principles here. This is no easy situation. He's back (for whatever reason) and wants to make it work, but is having a hard time. <P>Confusedpuppy... Be supportive. I'm not flaming. Just trying to get you to take a step back. Your question is valid, and I'm also curious to know the answer.<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Confusedpuppy... Be supportive. I'm not flaming. Just trying to get you to take a step back. Your question is valid, and I'm also curious to know the answer.[/B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>hi hat,<P>what i meant about getting flamed was that my 2 cents on his situation is probably not going to be received well by others. my view is very supportive of painforever, regardless of what he decides.<BR>

bump...<P>hey painforever, you still around?

Hat:<P>Hat's off: well said. PF and I discussed the point in a different thread.<P>But, yes, his being there is definitely a start: can't start the dance with only one partner.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Yes CP I am still around. Its true that I went back to my W out of obligation and guilt. There is no love for her. Somewhere deep in my mind I thought I might be able to have some sort of loving emotion for her- I didn’t believe it could happen but it was a possibility. I know now more than before that the feeling is long dead. When I married her yes, I did love her. We lived together for 4 years prior and it seemed like the thing to do at the time. There was never much passion between us as a couple, spark or intimacy its as if we were wrongly matched. But I was very happy to have a family life, to have kids, that made up for it. I am very close to my sons, when they were growing up, I ran my own business & could work from home most of the time, my W worked a city away. So it was me who woke & bathe them up, cooked and fed them, sent them to school, picked them up, lunch tea and whatever. I enjoyed doing it and because of that I developed a v. strong bond with my S9. Things got to a point when it was so intolerable with W, that I had to leave. Cause if I didn’t either she or me would file. I wasn’t ready for a divorce then. I didn’t want to loose my kids. SO we separated and I moved abroad. Then you all know what happened and here I am.