i took this down because<BR>i did not know that efft was calis WS.and being as my WS got negative feedback on his post and wont come here anymore i refuse to bea contibuting factor when i seen how how hard cali has been trying to save her marriage<p>[This message has been edited by LuvOnTheRox (edited June 28, 2001).]

I believe my H, EfftUpMyLife, is searching...looking for answers and he harbors a lot of anger right now.<P>We BS's can vent and vent and vent and seem righteous in our venting.<P>Why can't they? As I have said to HumbleFish and others, their pain is no less real....<P>And we are hear to listen and to lift each other up and sometimes to point each other in new directions.<P>Please let's not discourage each other....let's agree to disagree and show each other alternative points of view.<P>He may never post again, but I hope he does....it holds out hope that our spouses come here.<P>Cali

LOTR:<P>We extend the hand to all that come. Whether the post is bitter, angry, or whatever. The purpose here is to save marriages.<P>And this forum has provided a place for many to rant, and for none of us, hopefully, to take offense.<P>What matters is that, in some respect, they are reaching out: even if it is negatively. Even in that, there is a beginning.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Is ok to be negative and hurt. that isnt my problem with the posts<BR>my prob is the name calling...... I dont appreciate it.. as Efft said you dont know me dont judge me........(paraphreasing)<BR> Also many of us have low self esteems we dont need to be kicked when we are down.<BR>these post are hurtful to some of us<P>thats my point<p>[This message has been edited by LuvOnTheRox (edited June 28, 2001).]

I have read several of the posts you all are talking about. I have choosen not to respond to their particular posts because in my perspective as a BS I find some of their posts hurtful.<P>I believe that they too should have the right to vent on the forum and if we choose not to read or respond to their posts then the post will die a natural death but there are posters out there who understand how this person is feeling and they are the appropriate people to respond to the post.<P>I do a have a significant problem with these posts when they get out of hand and vicously attack the people who responded to their original post. If they did not want a differing opinion then they should have not posted.<P>I dont believe that this is the appropriate forum for single OP and avoid even reading their posts as I find them quite painful and cant help but feel that they are somewhat vindicitive.

And what is said in anger is often best ignored. The goal is to get them beyond that point, if that is where they wish to go.<P>STL

I just responded to Effts post. for one thing, i'm very interested in listening to the point of view of the WS. It seems that many WS have explained things to their BS but mine has used the "silent" approach.<P>What we don't want to do, IMO, is to do what happened on the "Waiting for the fallout" thread, where the argument went long past the point of productivity. When everything's been said, let the thread die. WAT was right when he said, "Stop it" <P>Of with Efft, if we make a few attempts to be productive and get past the name calling, and it doesn't work, we should just drop it and go on. Does that make sense to everybody. I'm just throwing out my opinion here.<P>Ish

Ish:<P>Exactly right.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL