I had a situation occur a couple of days ago with my WS that is still sticking in my gut.<P>I'm the one who WW is having an affair with a member of the same sex. This OP is also her boss and best friend of ten years. Out the outset of our separation three months ago, I revealed the affair to our two daughters and her family. Surprisingly, things have gotten better since then. We seem to talk a lot more. She checks in with me daily by phone and its not always just about the kids. She still is trying to do damage control on my revealing her affair, claiming to all that they are just best friends and claims she is never coming back. But in general, I feel my Plan A working somewhat because I am improving myself and generally showing her that she has a safe place to come back to. That's not where we were at three months ago.<P>But a couple of days ago she did something that I believe I should respond to. We share custody of the kids. One week here and one week there. Next week is her week. On Friday night she has two tickets to a James Taylor concert. She had the audacity to tell me she needed me to watch the kids that night (She is going with this OP but won't admit it). Now, maybe I shouldn't have a bug up my behind about this but it really bothered me and is still bothering me three days later. I haven't committed to anything yet.<P>As I see it, I could do one of four things:<P>1. Tell her I am busy that night and can't help her.<P>2. Tell her I will watch the kids and just try to get over it. I am in Plan A for crying out loud.<P>3. Be honest with her and tell her how much it hurts that she could even ask me to watch the kids for her while she goes out with OP. Then tell her I will watch the kids.<P>4. Tell her I'm free that night and would love to go with her. <P>All kidding aside with #4, I would love to do #3, should do #1, but will probably do #2.<P>Just looking for some advice here...<p>[This message has been edited by Always Hopeful (edited June 28, 2001).]

AH:<P>You did a great summation at the end. Have you considered politics, by any chance? <smile><P>Probably not a rock in the road: just a cobblestone. 3, 1, 2 would be my order (gee, isn't that what you said?). Or perhaps a hybrid combination of 1 and 3 (hmm, lucky 13 ...).<P>Slightly confused though, because topic head says Plan A and text refers to Plan B. If you are B, definitely a 13. If A, stick with 2. Or 5: offer to take the tickets off her hands.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

I don't think I could handle watching the kids while my H went on a date with OP, even if you are in plan A that is just plain RUDE of her to ask!<P>Is there anyone else that could watch the kids? Perhaps you could tell her you had plans but you talked with <someone> and they could probably do it? <P>If your only options are the ones listed. I'd have to go with 3. It fits your plan A, but it relieves some of the doormat syndrome.

I would not do # 3 as she really dosn't care how you feel right now. It will just make you look selfish. My choice is #2 as you are plan A'ing. Make her feel like aqueen, and you get to feel like adoormat. I have another option:<P>Tell her you have plans but will cancel them to be with the kids, this willmake you look like agreat family man and may make her feel gulity.<P>Godd luck<P>JK<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Always Hopeful:<BR><B>I had a situation occur a couple of days ago with my WS that is still sticking in my gut.<P>I'm the one who WW is having an affair with a member of the same sex. This OP is also her boss and best friend of ten years. Out the outset of our separation three months ago, I revealed the affair to our two daughters and her family. Surprisingly, things have gotten better since then. We seem to talk a lot more. She checks in with me daily by phone and its not always just about the kids. She still is trying to do damage control on my revealing her affair, claiming to all that they are just best friends and claims she is never coming back. But in general, I feel my Plan A working somewhat because I am improving myself and generally showing her that she has a safe place to come back to. That's not where we were at three months ago.<P>But a couple of days ago she did something that I believe I should respond to. We share custody of the kids. One week here and one week there. Next week is her week. On Friday night she has two tickets to a James Taylor concert. She had the audacity to tell me she needed me to watch the kids that night (She is going with this OP but won't admit it). Now, maybe I shouldn't have a bug up my behind about this but it really bothered me and is still bothering me three days later. I haven't committed to anything yet.<P>As I see it, I could do one of four things:<P>1. Tell her I am busy that night and can't help her.<P>2. Tell her I will watch the kids and just try to get over it. I am in Plan A for crying out loud.<P>3. Be honest with her and tell her how much it hurts that she could even ask me to watch the kids for her while she goes out with OP. Then tell her I will watch the kids.<P>4. Tell her I'm free that night and would love to go with her. <P>All kidding aside with #4, I would love to do #3, should do #1, but will probably do #2.<P>Just looking for some advice here...<P>[This message has been edited by Always Hopeful (edited June 28, 2001).]</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

All the advice I got in similar situations was to choose number 2....think about the kids, and enjoy them. Forget about the alien.<P>In my case, "watching" the kids always implied that I had them at my place, and overnight. Usually coincided with my turn with them.<P>I'd take them, and if you feel you must, mention that it hurts that she goes with OM. But I think the pure Plan A thing is pure #2....just take them.<P>It all stinks, but what can we do?<P>Thanks for your advice to me lately.<P>

Let her know you have plans (nothing in plan A precludes that) but offer to arrange a sitter at your house. That way you don't resent giving up YOUR plans for her to go out w/OP and she doesn't resent you for "not being there for her".<P>This doesn't have to be a win/lose negotiation...and remember that making her feel guilty get you nothing at this point. This should not be an objective of whatever choice you make.<P>Starpony<p>[This message has been edited by Starpony (edited June 28, 2001).]

AH - I think JK has the absolute best idea. 1 + 3<P>Tell her you are willing to change your plans and would LOVE having the kids. This is being honest.<P>Take it from a parent who can never have time again with my youngest son, grab all the time you can get.<P>WAT