Still wondering how to go about separating our things. I feel hes the one whos left the marriage and i'm the one about to have a baby, so how do i discuss and organise the fact that i think i should get most of it?<P>Dancer

Hi Dancer-<P>Having been through one divorce I learned many valuable lessons!<P>Ex and I thought we could do it without fighting. We even had the same lawyer (his mom's most current husband) and things seemed to go fairly well......................until a little later.<P>Here in WA. State we have to add up all debt and then add up all assets ans split what there is.<P>I wanted out! I did not want to fight! <P>Then one day I needed a garden hose. I didn't have one. I needed a screw driver-didn't have one. I soon discovered I neglected to add "his" things as assets-as they had no meaning to me at the time. Truthfully it would have been very difficult for me to even begin to log all his stuff as it was "his" ya know "guy stuff".<P>But the bottom line is this: I basically got nothing-NADA.<P>It is important you take care of yourself and the baby coming! You don't have to feel guilty for what you feel is rightfully yours.<P>Nor do you need to take anything out of hurt, anger or greed.<P>Just be sensible and try to look beyond today and tomorrow.<P>I hope this helps <P>Take care-<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."

<B>Separating our stuff - how do you do it without causing trouble? </B><BR>Easiest way is to give him everything he wants. However, even this most likely will not stop him from complaining about something!<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Hmm that's a tough one. I'm in this process now, but my situation is a little different than yours. My approach was something similar to Chris' suggestion. A small example:<P>Me: I want that Top Gun movie<BR>WS: But that will break up the Tom Cruise set....<BR>Me: Fine, here, you take it<P>1 week later...<P>WS: Here's the Tom Cruise set<BR>Me: Thanks, but I thought you didn't want to break up the set?<BR>WS: I know, but it's your favorite movie you can have them.<P>Funny how things work out sometimes. I guess I brought out the 'giver' in her. My mindset was that I had certain things that I wanted and that I was prepared to give up others. We bargained and when something sticky came up, I would just let her have it,.... as it turns out she started to reciprocate. Don't know if that will help you, but it's something to think about. I think the arguments that could easily come from the division of property are not worth the stress. They are, after all, only 'things' and can be replaced....

My H just decided to keep breaking into the house and taking whatever he needed at the time. 6 seperate times, never conferred with me once on anything. Didn't ask, didn't bargain, just took what he felt he needed or what was his, or what he thought he should have.<P>At least it wasn't anything major. Except the vacuum and printer. Not worth arguing over though. (no, I have not gotten the da** vacuum back yet!!). <P>I would not recommend this approach. <smirk>

I must be one of the lucky few who didn't have too much trouble with separating the stuff around the house. Perhaps it was because my relationship with H wasn't even 6 yrs old yet (the marriage 4 yrs), and I could easily remember who brought what into the relationship (material wise ).<P>H had wanted out. I ended up kicking him out. But I never denied him anything that was rightfully his. I even ended up packing it all for him (while 7 1/2 months pregnant with twins!). Every time he would come over to visit the kids, I would make him take another box with him. <P>Furniture seemed pretty easy to split up. I offered him a good amount of it (everything he would need to have a fully furnished apt), but he didn't take even 1/2 of it. We had an over abundance of dishes and cookware, so that was easy to split (I'll admit, I packed the things I didn't want) <P>The hardest things were the small stuff. Videos for example. The majority of our 'collection' was purchased since we met. But we managed okay. Thinking back, it was so silly of me to want some of the movies I wanted.. because part of our agreement was that he got the vcr!! LOL.<P>I'd suggest that you fairly split items between you and your H. Oh, and so that you don't go through some troubles like hurtbyhubby... be sure to change the locks when he leaves for sure... and keep the vacuum on YOUR side of the door! <P>Karen<BR>

Separation is a strange thing where emotions are going everywhere, where each party often does one thing but inside doesn't really like what's happening. Often both parties don't want to be nasty or hurtful but there is a lot of hurt feelings there and that seems like the only way sometimes. Is anybody following me?<P>Is it right to assume that you should have everything? (I might get in trouble for that one but I'm on your side and just trying to make you think?)<P>You'd probably find for instance that your H thinks that you should have whatever you need and want (That's if he is a decent guy!). However at the same time he's probably trying to cope with the fact that after all these years he might come out with nothing. He might want you to have everything but it will still hurt. My advice to you is take what you need, you have to have something for you and your baby. He'll probably be understanding but he may still show signs that he is struggling. There's not a lot that can be done it's just unfortunately the way it is. It's messy stuff! Been there.<P>Hope you get through it OK!