HELP! YES I need help from WS again. when you BS started coming here and letting all your secrets be known, were you angry or upset? did you feel like it was a personal attack on your past and on you now? <P>HOw did you first feel? were you all for it?<P>i am trying to let my WS know what is going on here. i want to help him. i think he thinks i am only here to bad mouth him and his character, and that is NOT what i am doing. i am sharing my experiences with others to gain different perspectives and hope and love.<P>i don't want to do things that upset him. i believe that is one of the rules, but i also need help. i am really trying to be a strong person, but at times, it is very very difficult.<P>when i first came here, maybe it was to get others to back me and say what a horrible thing WS had done. but i really came here to get help for OUR marriage.<BR>Now, this place is a wonderful community of people who really care and are willing to open up their own problems from the past. <P>I do not come here to personally attack you nolo.... I love you and i think we are getting so much better. i can't wait for our dates on thursdays. i can't wait to rush home from work on the 4th of july so we can spend our first 4th together in 4 years. i look forward to seeing you everyday.<BR>i look forward to going to bed at night with you and seeing you at the door. i ache for you when we are not together.<BR>i miss you when we are at work. its too bad we didn't feel this way before, and maybe we both wouldn't have been such jerks. (to put it mildly)<P>so my question to you WS, and others:<P>when your BS 1st started coming here, were you offended and taking it as a personal attack? were you upset by everything your BS had to say about you? <P>please help my H and I. i don't want to upset him by coming here and i don't want to it to be behind his back. i want to share everything and i want him to be able to come here without getting upset because of what i say.<P>any replies will be much appreciated.....thanks...bluegirl

Blue girl that is a great question, and one i would love to know too. I know whne i told my WH of this site he was a little put off, because he felt this was a little cultish. Then his father whom is a pastor talked to him and said it was a good site. He knows that i say things about us, but i rarely say things i would not want him to see. He knows my name in here, and that i am reading the books, which he is going to read too. He will never post in here because he is not that type, and because we are so well into revocery he thinks there is not need for him. He has seen the help and strength i get from it. I come to this site with the support of my H and i thank God for that every day. I am looking forward to the others answering your question though.<BR>Maine<P>------------------<BR>IN the words of BOB the BUILDER!!" WE can fix it, yes we can!!!"

thanks for your reply. i want my H to feel comfortable reading things hear. i would prefer that he read everything that i post here, because then he will get an idea of what's going on. i know he does understand to a certain extent, but i don't want him to be angry or upset when he reads what i have written or what others have written in answers to my questions.<P>i use this site as a tool to help me get over the A, not as a chat room for highschool friends, although we are like a big family in here. i am not just here to badmouth him and put him down. <P>actually, i think he is one of the greatest people i have ever met. i knew it from the day i met him. he is a wonderful father, he makes me laugh, and he encourages me to better myself. that means a lot to me. and i hope you read this nolo, because i am here to help us, not hurt us.<P>we will get through this. i know because we both want it and we are both trying extremely hard. <P>thanks for your reply maine and i'm guessing that you have little ones because of Bob the Builder. my little ones age 1 & 3, (almost 2/4) love that show too. <P>hope to hear more from you and others....thanks...bluegirl

YEPPERS I have a 3 yr old hence the NICK stuff. I wish you such blessings in your marriage. Be thankful YOu both want it, there are SO many in here that go years without reaching a happy ending. When i hear and read those stories my heart aches for them.<BR>Maine<P>------------------<BR>IN the words of BOB the BUILDER!!" WE can fix it, yes we can!!!"

bluegirl,<BR>I was the WS in my marriage and I'm the one who found this site. I'm sure it was by Godly intervention because it was while I was still involved with OM. I told my husband of this site so he could find help after I left him. But, God in his ultimate wisdom, knew that I was the one who would find help here. As I read story after story about how devastated the BS felt, it really soaked into my head what was actually happening. At first I posted trying to find a way to justify leaving my H by saying there was no love left. But the more I read, the more I realized that was a standard statement that came out of most A's. My H read what I posted and we would talk about it. This site was been such a blessing. I get honest answers to questions.<P>I hope your H will just read the posts without thinking about what anyone thinks of him, but thinking what he can learn from here. It opened my eyes and I know helped me end things with the OM. I am so thankful for all here.<P>debbie

bluegirl:<P>No, I didn't resent it at all, in fact, I encouraged it. Zorweb and I had already adopted radical honesty at that point, and we figured the benefit of people's experiences here would far outweigh any discomfort or embarrassment I might have.<P>As it turned out, I was neither discomforted nor embarrassed ... the upside was that zorweb (mainly) and I have received a lot of benefit from the words found here.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL