Please take a look at octavia 99's post:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009996.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009996.html</A> <P>I think you all might be able to provide some special insight for her. Her situation really struck a chord with me....<P>Thanks<BR>Starpony

Hey, thanks Starpony! Just wanted to mention, Just Learning has been helping me since my very first post here and has been responsible for much of what success I've had in unravelling the intricacies of the academic/personal soup that is my M. Thanks again JL!!!

Hi Starpony,<P>I have been communicating with Octavia on the PlanA/PlanB portion of MB. Thank you for the heads up here though.<P>How are you doing these days? I saw where you are indeed getting a divorce. I do hope that you are feeling as well as can be expected.<P>God Bless<P>JL

Starpony:<P>Hi old friend!<P>I've been checking on octavia, but JL seems to have the advice sitation pretty well in hand (except for my usual plug for Steve Harley's tremendous phone counseling skills---make an appointment at 888-639-1639).<P>I don't have a great answer for this. Based on my observations, I think I'd be close to advising her to pursue a non-legalized Plan B, where she tells her husband to get his stuff and get out. But based on the issues concerning her academic career (and his), that could really cause some problems. I'd probably leave this in the excellent and skilled hands of Steve (or JL---if he's filling in for Steve this summer... )<P>Sorry to hear about the upcoming divorce, Starpony. You're in my prayers.

Octavia - I hadn't been keeping up on the boards - seems you are already in very capable hands. My thoughts and prayers are with you. <P>JL and K - Thanks for your concern. I am still about 6 weeks out from the final date I'd say - but there is nothing left to negotiate - just the mandatory wait time.<P>I am really doing OK. Well even. Plan b was invaluable in helping me to emotionally distance from H and the physical distance between us took care of the rest. I have never been to his home in his new city (much as he still hopes I will "visit" someday) though my kids visit frequently and will spend extended time there this summer.<P>The best thing I can say is that I credit my following MB with allowing all this to end without excessive and lasting rancor/bitterness on either of our parts. I still avoid LBs when I speak to him, because to do otherwise damages the relationship we will maintain around the children (plus if I can do it with my STBX - think of the great practice I am getting for my next relationship!). But I will admit I'm hugely relieved to no longer have to care about meeting his ENs!<P>The kids are doing well. I worry he "guilt trips" them too much when he sees them e.g. "I hardly get to spend time with you and all you want to do is play video games". But I can do nothing about this. They must come to terms with their relationship with him on their own. Overall they are coming through this OK.<P>I think of my friends here often, and know that I would never have learned as much had I not had you all with me on this journey.<P>Starpony

Starpony, Just wanted to say hello and glad to see an update from you. You sound you like are doing great for being in your circumstances, but I knew you would, you are a fantastic person, who did her best and I wish happiness for you always.<P>Thinking of you!<BR>Lilly