I had friend/boss leave her letter on her desk this morning, so she'd receive it by noon when she gets in. It also contained her monthly cheque. OMs copy sent via email just before noon.<P>Holy sh*$. This is weird. I have no idea what the fallout will be for this.<P>Tonight will be the first no-contact situation, when she calls to say goodnight to the kids, or I call and pass them the phone.<P>Thank you to everyone for your support. I can't say how much it means, and you know that there is likely to be some crap taking place over the next little while. I don't envision her being quiet about it. <P><BR>I'll keep you posted.<P>Just for the record, here is my letter. Possibly some questionable statements, but too late now.<P>---------------------------------------------------------<BR>Dear <Wife>,<P>The letter I wrote to you last summer to convey my love for you came from the bottom of my heart. Much has happened since then, but even today I still love you and want a chance to repair our relationship. This is despite knowing about your relationship with <OM>. I am painfully aware that I was not meeting all your needs as a husband, and I apologize for my part in creating an environment that helped make your relationship with <OM> possible.<P>During the past year, I have been reading and learning about relationships and marriages. I know that we allowed our relationship to be un-nurtured for too long. We did not spend enough time to work on us as a loving couple. It is easy to see now, but it was too easy to ignore in the past. This does not mean it is too late to begin rebuilding our marriage and deepening the love that we developed for each other. I know that by focusing on meeting each other’s needs in the future, we can have a much healthier and more satisfying relationship than we have ever had. I have learned from my mistakes, and have worked on making changes in myself over the past year. I am enjoying many aspects of my life, especially my children and my new job, and I am excited about my future.<P>More than anything else in this world, I want you to be a part of my future as my loving wife. I would like to be able to put the mistakes of the past behind us and build a better life together. I want us to learn to meet each other’s needs and avoid making the same mistakes that got us to the place we now find ourselves. I want to help create the kind of life for us that is better than we ever dreamed. It won't happen overnight and it will take a lot of work, but we owe it to ourselves and to the children to try hard to make our marriage work. Choosing not to try is the blind way out and it leaves the same problems unsolved and creates more difficult ones.<P>This past year was the most emotionally traumatic period of my life. Despite the constant pain that I felt, I continued to maintain hope that we would reconcile, in part because of the numerous conversations where you stated that you “might be back”. Your concerns about what we would do with your house and furniture in the event of reconciliation also gave me hope. However, the pain and shock that started last June when you first stated your intention of leaving our marriage have not gone away. I waited each night for you to come home until you left in November, yet as painful as it was to know where you had been, I am thankful that you continued to sleep beside me until you moved. I endured this emotional distress because I had one goal in mind, and that was to restore our marriage and our family back to the way it should be.<P>But we cannot recover as a family until you end your relationship with <OM> once and for all - and maintain no contact.<P>Until then, I will minimize all contact with you. Please initiate communication with me only via email or voice mail. I will try to have the children answer the phone when you call, and I ask the same of you when I call your house to say goodnight to the children. Of course, in case of an emergency, I will suspend this request. I realize the children’s needs may require direct contact from time to time, but I will minimize this and I ask you to do the same. When you come to pick up <son> and <daughter>, please remain outside when you arrive, and I will do the same at your house. I will assume that you will continue to work Sunday, and drop the children off one day early, for the weekends that you have the children. Please leave an email or voice mail should this ever change.<P>You must know about the suffering I have endured because of your relationship with <OM>, and the fact that you have also involved him in the lives of our children. They cannot yet understand the role he has played in the destruction of the family life that they so rightly deserve, but it has hurt me deeply. I simply cannot associate with you any longer until you end this permanently. From all that I’ve learned about loving relationships, I am also unable to continue a relationship that is based on dishonesty and deception, especially with someone that I love and hold dear to my heart. It is just too painful. I am weary and I cannot fight for our marriage alone anymore. I still love you, but I cannot see or talk to you under these conditions any longer.<P>I hope that you will understand that I am not doing this to hurt you or punish you. I feel my love slipping away, and this is something that I must do to protect my feelings for you and any chance of reconciliation in the future. It is also a necessary step to allow myself to emotionally heal from the pain I have experienced since last June. I ask that you please respect my decision to separate in this way.<P>I want you as my wife, and I want us to be the united parents for <son> and <daughter> that we always wanted to be, together, in a happy marriage and as a happy family. <son>, <daughter>, and myself can help you become happy for the rest of your life. We are a permanent reality, committed to you forever, for better or for worse. Similarly, you can make the three of us very happy. We want you and need you to be home with us. I will support any need you have in a non-judgmental way when or if you decide to recommit to our marriage. You can come to me knowing I will embrace you. Even if you are not sure, I will understand and provide empathy. Forgiveness is not an issue, for I have already forgiven you for your relationship with <OM>.<P>As soon as you are willing to completely and permanently sever your relationship with <OM> and acknowledge what happened, I will be willing to talk about our future, and the future of our family that we built with our love. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you as my best friend. I want to spend the rest of my life being your loving husband, and provide you with the love, affection, and deep caring that you deserve.<P>I feel like I have spent my whole life loving you. It took me 30 years to find you, and the next 7 I spent with you. As I reflect on the past and the future, I believe that I made the right choice. I found the woman that I want to spend my life with, and that woman is you. I fell madly in love with you when we were brought together, and I love you right up to this day. I just cannot be around you or pretend to be friends as long as you are involved with <OM>, and you continue to deny what has occurred.<P>I hope that you understand my decision. I am doing it to protect the love that I have left for you, and it is the only way that I can preserve this love for some additional period of time.<P>I Love You,<P><me><P><OM>: I love <Wife> with all my heart, and have never given up on our marriage. I miss my wife, and have been waiting for her to give me the chance to help her find happiness. Know that I continue to remain committed to my wife and my marriage, and to rebuilding our broken family.

Rick, my heart is breaking for you right now. I know you never wanted things to get to this point. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Rick - I'm glad the chute opened. You have a lot of supporters here, don't forget that.<P>WAT

Rick:<P>Hold strong, and hold your head up high... you’ve done a wonderful job, and the letter is great. A tad long perhaps, but there is so much to say. I can see tons of support coming your way; add me to the list. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> I have no idea what the fallout will be for this.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>One thing I could conceivably see is manipulation on HER part... ala “I was going to tell you this weekend I was ready to try to work on the marriage, but now that you've done THIS..." Don’t fall for it.<P>You either, Dave.<P>Are you going to email her some of your evidence in reply to her almost-certain denials of the affair? Be prepared for denials even in the face of it... I did.<P>Also... what about your MIL and her new distance from you?<BR><P>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die

Well done Rick37.<P>Keep us posted if there should be any fallout.<P>One question-Is it OK to write notes to each other in plan B?

good luck

Kudos Rick.I know it was tough to finally take that last step and give her the letter. <P>Sorry for your pain! Keep us posted, k?<BR>HbH

Rick<P>That is a wonderful letter and I think her first instinct will be one of anger/remorse mixed. She will feel hurt and angry all in the same breath and want to *talk to you about it*. She will want to work on things...with her placing some conditions on it (to her benefit, I might add).<P>Like WhoDat said, dont fall for it!! She will try to manipulate some things to make sure you are still there, while working on her own situations....sort of a *wait and see* mode on her part. YOU and your children deserve nothing less than 110% commitment from her, and DONT YOU DARE SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS..no matter how much you love her and want her back...do not enable her!!<P>You are one strong man/father/husband....even if right now it doesnt feel that way. You have a ton of support here...HANG IN THERE!!<P>*Out of our greatest fears, come our bravest deeds!*<P>Trueheart

Rick:<P>Stay the course. The fortitude you are showing is exemplary. Come what may, you have done what is right: and for the right reasons. You have provided a shining example for many here on MB.<P>My thoughts and prayers are with you,<BR>Godspeed,<BR>STL

You did good, Rick!!!<P>I know how scary this is to you. But I feel it IS time! I have so much hope for you and your wife. From knowing your story and reading your most recent posts, I'm certain this (Plan B) will make an impact, one that will allow your wife to REALLY think about what's important to her. One that will make her get off that fence and hopefully end up where the grass is greener "where SHE waters it" (home). Cuz you and I know OM can not meet her needs, it's painfully obvious.<P>Be ready for all kinds of fall out, Hon. All kinds of rationalizations why you two need to stay in constant contact (kids, needs, etc.) That, and maybe even some accusations of manipulation on your part or perhaps threats of D, or adamant denial of OM or A. Then again, she may just give you the silent treatment back, a reverse Plan B. <P>Whatever the reaction may be, stay strong. Stick to what you have decided. You're giving your marriage the best chance of recovery by sticking to and following the MB Plans and Principals, we've seen it time and time again here (Lostva, Lora, etc) And if for whatever reason she maneuvers a way to talk to you, be a Plan A kinda guy in your responses regardless of what she has to say.<P>I'll be waiting to hear, Rick. Keep us posted, k?<P>Jo<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited June 29, 2001).]

Rick,<BR>Good luck. <BR>I might have to follow your path sooner or later or not at all. I might have to skip that plan B.<P>OOOO

Rick: <P>[[[[[[[[[[[[[Hugs]]]]]]]]]]]] and prayers for you.<P><BR>Cali