Today is Day 29. It is getting easier and easier. This is good. I am not seeing any real changes. H is still incredibly withdrawn and won't talk. His mother has come to stay with us for a while and I think that is making things worse.<P>We have to go to a wedding tomorrow and I feel fat and inadequate and I know I am going to have a terrible time because I am going to hate watching a young couple in love get married. I know H will sit beside me and be stiff as a board and I will want to cry through the whole thing. It is going to be very hard not to say anything to him.<P>This has been going on so long. I have been sad and lonely for so long I don't want to keep going I just want it to be better. I want my best friend and husband back. I go home after work at night and I am so lonely. I have friends but it is not the same.<P>How am I going to get through this wedding and put on the good face for everyone else and pretend everything is OK. Its not OK and I am sad. <P>Cleo

Cleo <P>{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}},<P>no good advice for you, just support. Take care of yourself...you are in an emotional mine field....if you read my posts of late, you know I went KABOOM...it was like something snapped...so watch yourself carefully.<P>As for wedding, can you skip ceremony and just do reception? Sometimes we have to do things to protect ourselves...<P>Hugs,<P>Cali

(( )))) to you CLEO! I also had to go to a wedding with H- it was just 3 days after Valentines day ( d-day) and I HAD to go because it was H's boss getting married for the second time and was a real big shindig with a cocktail party and sit down dinner and reception. Traditional Catholic ceremony which I thought was odd for a second marriage since the two were both divorced. Anyway- what was even harder was that he wouldnt tell me who OW was- but I knew it was someone from his work- so the whole day I kept wondering who it was there. And I didnt want to stay home because what if OW was there and he spent time with her??? It was a really hard day. H was distant and didnt want to dance with me. I only got thru it with the effexor med the doctor prescribed for me- it kicked in fast because the dr says it has shorter half life than prozac or zoloft. Hang in there- lifeismessy

I agree with Cali--we have to do whatever is necessary to protect ourselves. Skipping the ceremony sounds like a good idea.....I had a similar experience during the first month after my H & I got back together at my cousin's wedding--it was very painful, and in hindsight, very unnecessary. Don't make yourself do something you don't think you can do just yet!<P>Keep your chin up and be strong. You'll get thru it, promise!<P>love & prayers are with you<BR>BFBD<P><BR>

Your post touched me. Please let us know how you are doing. Those feelings of inadequacy can be so painful and difficult to talk about. I gotta run but will check in later today to see if you need to talk....