I haven't posted in such a long time. In case no one remembers me very well. . . D-day was basically 3/27/01. My H has never admitted anything more than an EA that lasted approximately 4 months. He "repented" immediately, claimed to never suffer any withdrawal from OW, yada yada. I have never 100% believed that it never became physical. I doubt that I will ever know.<P>I am not writing now because I think that the A has started again. There have been moments in the last months that I have felt that "odd" feeling again, but that is not my point.<P>So, I will get to it. For about the first month after D-Day, my H was trying really hard to meet my EN. He tried to get close to the 15 hr alone time, but had to quit reading HNHN because it caused the perfectionist in him too much stress . Since probably mid-May, it has gone downhill. If I want some alone time with him, I have to schedule it and badger (LB?) him into going. Once he's out he says he is glad that we are together. My main complaint is that he is spending so much time with his friends, rarely alone with me, and having huge expectations of me. <P>Time with friends: we had a romantic weekend planned back in May that got cancelled because my H got a new motorcycle. We ended up going to a rally with another couple and sharing a hotel room with them. Not Romantic at all.<BR>At least once a week now he is off playing golf with his friends. This weekend he has planned a weekend at the lake for his friends and me. None of his friends even have a girlfriend. So I said it is basically a guy's weekend that I am invited to. Of course not, he said. He took off early from work today to golf with one of the guys going. We are all supposed to golf tomorrow. Instead of spending some time helping me get ready to go, he is off golfing (as usual when it is time to get ready to go anywhere).<BR>The last weekend in July he is in a golf tournament with this same friend.<BR>He is in 2 softball leagues. One is on Tues nights and the other on Thurs nights. They always have 2 games. One will be at 6:30 the next at 9:30. They last an hour and it is an hour away from our house. So he doesn't get home until close to midnight. Wednesdays and Fridays he comes home early from work because he is tired, but if he doesn't go golf, he goes to bed.<P>High expectations of me: We have 2 young children and I am a SAHM. I babysit one other child (3 other until a couple of weeks ago) full time and take drop-ins at least 2-3x/wk. So that is a pretty busy job. His #1 EN is Domestic Support and I don't always have the house spotless. I try very hard. I try to keep things picked up and clean. About once a week I do a good cleaning job, but I don't feel that I have any more time than that. Did I mention that I have another home based business that I am trying to get started? So during naps, I am usually on the phone with customers trying to make more $. He thinks that I should not have to play, read, or watch the kids. I should have plenty of time to have an immaculate house, have a thriving business, and our 4 yr old should be reading by now (even though I shouldn't have to play with him). So now I am supposed to get all of the laundry done today, pack for our kids to go to Grandma's for the weekend, pack for us to go to the lake, and be ready whenever he makes it home from golfing. <P>Am I wrong in thinking that he is expecting too much? I would really like men's opinions that have Stay at home w's. I know that women generally agree with me that he is a PIG! Lately I feel that I hate him about 90% of the time. I try to measure how often I feel good about us and how often I feel angry and hurt. Angry and hurt far outweight the good now.<P>Sorry this is so long! I have never been good at short stories Thanks for reading and replying!<BR>Window

W:<P>First, he needs to finish HNHN. Then the two of you have to have an honesty, non-LB'ing discussion about those needs. Express your emotional needs, particularly the need for time, etc.<P>Radical honesty is what helps make the MB philosophy work: but both spouses must adhere to it. Remember, though, in applying the rule of honesty, not to forget the rules of care and protection.<P>In recovery, you can expect some backsliding. But, if you have built the foundation of being totally honest, then you will have an environment to discuss concerns when they arise.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

STL,<P>I agree with 100%. Not to be one of those people who always have an objection to someone's advice. . . We are very honest with each other. He knows that I want him to finish HNHN and think it is cra* that is causes him "stress". He knows that I am angry that we didn't go on our romantic weekend in May. He knows that I wish he would have thought to have this weekend all to ourselves at the lake. He knows that I think he expects too much of me. He knows all of these things. The point is that he really doesn't care. He thinks that he is right. He thinks that the Harley's are out of line with many of their beliefs. He thinks that he works so hard and should have the time he wants to do what he wants. If I can find a babysitter, I am welcome to come along with whatever HE decides he wants to do (but he's not going to help me get ready or help find the sitter). <P>Yes, I am extremely angry right now. I have to figure out a way to make this marriage work because I do not want a divorce. I do love him, but sometimes I don't know why. In my mind I cannot see the every other weekend thing happening in my life. I know it is easier (well not easier, but wiser) to make our marriage work.<P>Thank you, STL, for the advice. I do appreciate it. Now probably no one will reply because maybe my H is hopeless.<P>Window