I am , for some unknown reason, really down tonight. I have no one to talk to or write to. I have called several people only to get no answers.<P>All I am asking for is some prayer to get me through tonight.<P>Gosh-it has been over two years-why am I still hurting when I ought to be so happy? H is with me and has been from D-Day on. He wanted me-not the slug.<P>Please send me some positive vibes-I sure need them.<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."

<flutter, flutter, buzz, buzz> <P><Plop, right on Heartache's heart and soul><P>Positive vibes coming through the airwaves!!!!<P>(((((heartache)))))

My thoughts are with you tonight. I hope that you wake up tomorrow and feel much better.

Thanks Nyneve-<P>If those are positive vibes tho-why am I getting all teary eyed?<P>I hate getting like this! <P>And here I am - back on my anti-depressnats-because someone else chose to mess me up good <P>Anyhow-thanks-I am going to get feelin those vibes OK?<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."

Thank you Rick-<P>I truly appreciate your taking time to wish me well.<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."

How long back on the anti-deps, hon? Has it been less than two weeks? You remember how long they take to kick in... <P>I know... it SUX big time!!!<P>They were positive vibes, I promise!!! Hold them in your heart, okay???? And cry, it's okay... but don't **stay** in that place for long -- it's sad and dark there -- you don't need it.

It has been much longer than 2 weeks back on them! Sadly-I have been on them for a year and half now-tried three times to get off and was successful but only for a short time. Then I would get so damn crabby at the whole world that I hated to be with myself-thats pretty darned bad. So back on them...................who knows how long.<P>I just don't understand why I am down. My life is good-we are leaving for vacation in a few days,a nd nothing has happened.<P>I just feel so alone. So lost-so isolated.<P>I have not a soul to talk with.<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."

Hi Heartache:<P>We can certainly be here for you as you've been here for other's in the past. All I can really say is that whatever troubles you...hopefully it will pass and things will be brighter tomorrow.<P>Even when we are where we want to be and things should be good...there is still much emotional garbage that has to be cleared from the recovery path that at times it seems like there is no light for the darkness. If the WS could only have seen the future that he would create with his affair...but at this point it's done and we must deal with it's consequences and move on. <P>But saying and doing are two different things...and it takes a force of will to continue to work through the pain...but I hope it will be worth it to you in the end...worth it enough to endure this pain tonight for a brighter tomorrow. Make your tomorrow brighter if only for yourself.<P>Faye

I'll be honest with you -- if it weren't nearly midnight here, I'd give you my number!<P>We have apartment hell to face here... long story. But I can't talk late at night. <P>My H won't be home for 45 minutes, and we can talk here... I'll be here... for a while longer... talk!! I know it's not a real voice, but I am really sitting here, and caring.

Hi Heartache,<P>Here is a remedy given to me by another MBer. <P>"Put your right arm over your left shoulder and your left arm over your right shoulder and squeeze both shoulders". There is a hug from all of us to you. <P>That may make you cry but after a while you will feel better. <P>Hope that helps!!!<P>Take Care,<BR>L.<BR>

Thanks Buffy-it is worth it to me to be happy! Too much time has already been wasted in my lifetime to want to waste any more.<P>Thanks for the kind words :-)<P>Nyneve-<P>I don't even know what it is that is bothering me. I do know the OW has been on my mind too much again lately. To refresh your memory I thought she was my friend. We did everything together. Then D-Day June 1, 1999. October 2000 she contacts me and I feel so lucky to get a chance to talk with ehr again-I had missed her so.<P>She then proceeded to hurt me time and again-not intenionally I don't think but nonetheless-had she left my H alone I wouldn't have been hurt by her at all. Finally-she says she is too stressed to handle school, kids, family, work or anything. In other words-I WAS STRESSING HER.<P>So I said good bye.<P>She said she wasn't angry, would always be my friend................<P>Today I saw her on the road-she saw me too-would have been hard to miss as we met at an intersection. SHE TOTALLY FREAKIN IGNORED ME.<P>What bothers me is this-I don't know what to believe, from whom, and when.<P>But I think it might be wise of me to realize this gal is only sorry my H told me what had happened with her.<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."

Orchid-<P>That was real good!<P>Thanks so much <P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."

I am in a funny state of mind right now, and don't feel like doing anything that requires my mind (like work, cleaning, laundry)<P>So, all I'm doing is following this thread, because every time I check, there is another response. Sorry to make an activity out of it.<P>I hope you feel a bit better heartache.

People who cheat are not in their right minds... that is NO EXCUSE... <P>...but... maybe she's (and let's hope this is true) EMBARRASSED about what she did and can't face you!!<P>Honey, there is no set timetable for getting over these things. Remember, David's affairs had been over 13 YEARS and I had trouble forgiving or forgetting. You never do. I don't know the answer -- I really don't. Maybe acceptance is the key. Your H did what he did, he's sorry, he's home, he loves you. She was just a b!tch who used your H and you... yes, you loved her and trusted her, but she was not safe for you to have as a friend. You just didn't know it yet.<P>You are WORTH so much more, heartache. You are!!!!

Hey Rick-<P>You don't have to say anything!<P>I saw you added a new post-and I didn't even read it because like you-I am in no state to give advice.<P>But know that even while I am down I care about what you and others are going through too!<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."

OK-if I am worth so much more then answer me this-please <P>Why is it I have no other friends?<P>I love people, I am easy to get along with. Yet I havent got a friend to say boo to.<P>What is it?<P>It isn't that I havent tried because I have. And it isn't because I have tried to hard because I ahven't.<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."

As you've gone through this terribly trying time, you have put yourself into a little box. Nobody else could fit in there with you. It is dark and lonely there. I am sure some have tried to reach you over the months, but they couldn't. Maybe they were afraid to reach out, because they didn't know what to say. <P>Honey, this happens. That's why people here understand in ways that others do not. Unless they have "BEEN THERE" they simply don't get it. <P>And remember, some don't want to see... it reminds them of themselves or their situations.

heartache,<P>I'm with you on this one today. Just feeling alone and sad and tired...<P>My prayers go out to you.<P>God Bless<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole

heartache<P>Nyneve is right; we do often put ourselves into that box when something like this happens. I know I've done the same thing. I have almost cut my family and friends off because I cannot tell them of my husband's affairs and I have not trusted myself enough to behave normally in their presence.<P>I have been at 2 family gatherings since D-D. I come from a very close large Italian/Irish family. It is not easy to hide things from them. Both times I’ve had calls from family members asking if I’m all right – that they can tell something is wrong. I’ve just told them that I’m tired. I don’t think they believe me for one minute.<P>So I too have felt like I have no friends anymore. Feel very isolated. One of my recovery goals is to have my family over for the 4th. One small step at a time.<P>As for you’re missing your friend. I think you miss the person you thought she was. You have found out show she really is. I know that hurts.<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare