I saw on your last replies to your thread and that you are getting honest with yourself....Great News!!! For me the next phase of honesty is surrender...With that comes acceptance...Then change...<P>Surrender is a wierd paradox...Whatever behavior I'm acting out on, when it becomes painful to the point I can't deny it a minute longer, I say **** it...I'm acting this way against my own will and I can't stop...I give up, I surrender the fact I'm doing this!! That puts me into acceptance of my behavior and how destructive it is to me and those around me...I can't live like this anymore and I <B>must</B> change...<P>Once these realisations occur I need to get oppen-minded about solutions that will get me out of the insanity I'm causing myself....I must be open-minded enough to try something different...<P>After I have gotten to this point in order for these behaviors to stop and new ones take there place I must become willing to to do the footwork to accomplish this...This is the hard part...Doing what I don't want to do!! OUCH!! But in my experience I know for a fact I must do this or else I fall back into my own mind trap...<P>Remember...This is a process, I can't do this all at once and I will stumble and relapse into old patterns. But they become more painful and I am reminded why I had to change...So I try not to beat myself, I give myself a break and pick up where I left off...Before I realise it, I'm a different person in that area...<P>I apply these spiritual principles in all areas of my life and for this I am given a gift...I'm a new better Bill <P>I hope you derrive something from this, this is my experience and I feel compelled to share it with you...You and Nicole deserve the life together you dreamed of. Only you have the power to change your behavior and only Nicole has the power to change herself...By taking care of yourself you take care of your family...Another paradox...<P>God speed to you my friend, feel free to email me if you need to vent or have questions...I feel quite certain I have gone through similar things...<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR><P>May the roads rise to meet you,<BR>May the winds always be at your back,<BR>May the sun shine warm upon your face,<BR>The rains fall soft upon your fields,<BR>And until we meet again,<BR>May god hold you<BR>In the hollow of his hand.

Up...

Bill-<BR>Thanks for sharing this. Yes, there is <B><I>lots</I></B> of work to be done. I'm honestly not sure where this new road will take me. I am not sure who will be in my life when I get there. I do know that the time has come to make the changes that are necessary for me to become a whole person again. I cannot continue to live by trying to reach <I>everyone elses</I> goals for my life. I must attain that which is <I>right for me</I>. Until that is accomplished there will be turmoil <B>wherever I am, and with whomever is in my life</B>. Thanks again for sharing this part of your life experience. I know that it is not always easy to let other people see "inside".<BR>Arik<p>[This message has been edited by Being a better Arik (edited July 01, 2001).]

Arik:<P>One step at a time, one day at a time. After a while you will look up and be amazed at how far you have gone.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL