<BR>HF<P>You have read some of my posts, you know I was a WS who is now back with W that I have no love for just yet and still feel for OW deeply. I have always sympathize and empathize with you because I can identify with the feelings you go through and the thoughts u have of this board especially since there is so few of us on the other side of the fence here. But let me tell you something - your MM doesn't love you. I have asked you to consider this possibility before but now I think its proven. <P>I have made some mistakes in my life but my biggest mistake is hurting the OW. I was separated from W when I met her. It was a 2 year relationship, I trully love her. I even when to see her parents and grandparents and expressed my intentions to marrying her. Everybody knew her, everyone adored her, even those who might have been bias against her at first, it was me and her all the time. We had a lot of hurdles to overcome, different culture, religion, background but one by one we worked it through. I was blissfully happy until my whole life turned upside down. When I told her I had to give my M once last shot and couldn't see her again, she was devastated. When I came back to where she lived, we still saw each other for 2 mths, in that short period we broke up a 3 times and then got back together, I couldn't take it not seeing or hearing from her. 2 months of pure torture. It got to a point that I couldn't take it anymore, everytime I was with her, I was reminded that I was walking away from something I want so much. That hurt more than anything, even more than not seeing her. There was so much I wanted to give her. By that time she accepted the fact that I was going back to W and in some paradoxical manner encouraged me too. Hell she was the one who asked me to go on MB site, she was constantly justifying to me why I should and that it may work. The stuff she fed me was the same stuff I am getting now. But she was weak too, if I wanted to see her she would, although I knew and could feel that she was ready to move on. I had my friends telling me to leave her alone. That hurt me too. <P>So one day I sent her a no contact letter. She asked why? I had another month there before I went back home, she wanted to make it special. I told it was because I loved her so much, I had to let her go. Because if I continued I wasn't being fair to her or respected her in any way. Told her if I didn't love her, I would be with her all the time and f**k my brains out until I went back home. I phoned her a few times after but realised I was only retarding her recovery. That 1 mth period I got by with 3-4 hours average sleep and was working like mad and kept myself busy all day and night. Even if I had 30 mins in the car alone I will think of her and want to contact her. I knew if I did she would she see me. But I couldn't do that to her. She didn't contact me and I beat myself up because I thought maybe she don't love me. My friend passed me her letter hours b4 I left, she explained that she didn't want to let me down or hurt me by contact with her. <P>From what I have read it seemed that you have expressed to ur wishes to MM. He couldn't even respect that decision. If he loved u he would abide. Wouldn't you agree he's only using you for sexual pleasures? If it's too hard for you or him to let go so suddenly because u're both so emotionally attached, maintain contact by phone or email only. Or else just meet him in public places, don't be alone with him. He can't give you anymore than friendship HF and he probably doesn't even want that. See how long he can stand it? Of course its gonna hurt you but what else do you need to prove that this guy is simply using you. Did he tell you that he'll never leave his W?<P>See I am not bothered that people here say u r destroying his marriage etc - because I think if its not you it will be some other woman and prob will be some other woman after you. He doesn't want to save his M, he is not here, besides that's his problem, not yours. But you honestly have to think about ur well being first above anyone else. If you are perfectly happy just having casual sex with this man and have no feelings, well what I can I say. But you love him right? And it hurts when he leaves, its torturing you inside so… how long are you going to wait? Until you love him less? another year or 2 u think? The stuff I said doesn't strictly go with MB rules, but real life is not that theorethical besides you are not here to build a marriage. I don't think you are a bad person at all. I just hope you read this HF. Take care.<BR>
