I copied vbo's post to her own thread.... z<P>I posted this on PlanA/B forum but I feel I should post it here too.<BR>------<P>I am 46 years old. My husband and I haven't ever heard about plan A and plan B. But it worked for us 15 years ago. We just had our 25 years anniversary this year.<P>I must be honest and admit that I was the one who wanted out. We have two children and at the time even they couldn't stop me. I was acting the same way your wife is acting now.<P>My husband tried intuitively with plan A. It didn't work cause, as he was more lavish I was more nervous about fact that he is making trap for me to stay. I asked him to leave house and we separated for about 4 months. Never in my life I felt so lonely even with my children around. Friends deserted me of course in some way cause they didn't feel comfortable in a situation like that (they were mostly our mutual friends). My dreams about future with OM just disappeared. My family couldn't stand what I am doing. I couldn’t stand all that guilt. My husband was patient enough so we came to the point when after he asked me if I am willing to TRY again I agreed but without real will. But to be honest I was scared that if it's not working I have to go through all that pain again and I asked him to promise if it's not good he'll let me go easy. He agreed. <P>It was hard for both of us for about a year or even more. We agreed to try to change. Both of us. Change didn't come suddenly but gradually during the years. It gets hard even now sometimes but now we know how to work on it. <P>On our 25 years anniversary I told him: Thank you for loving me so much!I am so glad now that I made a right decision. What would happen to us and children if my husband just gave up? Don't give up!It's really going to make better person of you and that's important for you and for your children. Swalow your pride because there is a hope!<P>My daughter is having a hard time now in her relationship. I tried to explain to both of them that those things happen once in everyone’s life and they can be resolved. I prey to God to give them strength to understand what’s right and wrong. Cause wrong decision as mine was are ruining so many lives…Would ruin mine after all.

I am here because of my daughter (I resolved my problem 15 years ago and am happy that I did) who is in this hard situation (BW so to say) now and she is pregnant also.<BR>I do love her de-facto (he is really not bad person and I know him for 6 years as they lived together) and I do care about him too (he is suffering a lot also even he is WH) but most of all I care about this child to be born this year. I think they first had plan B situation and after I gave them to read stuff from this site they came back to plan A and are together again. But it's so fragile...<BR>They visited us together today with plan to buy a house and get married but I know this is rollocouster (can't find good spelling and you can see that English is not my first language) and am afraid if it's going to last cause he had his withdrawal phase and it may not be over yet. Who knows? I pray for them and we all suffer a lot including his mum...<BR>You may ask why I as a mother interfere their relationship but I feel someone should open their eyes cause they need to know that there are solution and that this situation is not unique...<BR>

vbo, I think you are doing a wonderful thing trying to give your daughter and her spouse the tools they need to make this work for them. I wish more people would be this way and not just look the other way when affairs happen.<P>I know that it is not easy. In some ways, I believe that recovery is the hardest part of all. But with you to support them, they will have a better chance.<BR><P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>