Cut from inside my other post:<P>Pressure is on.<P>Quick update before I go back outside. She called today, left a message "I just want to confirm that we aren't doing something together with the kids Canada Day (tomorrow)". "Please call me and let me know".<BR>I need some strength to not call, but I'm not calling. Right?<P>She doesn't get it. I got lots more info from my friend (her boss). Probably shouldn't, but he told me a bunch of stuff. She thinks I'm being immature, and denied the affair to him, but not to me.<P>I know not doing something with her tomorrow is going to annoy her. Not calling will annoy her.<P>It isn't easy. Feels odd not to respond, but I know, I have to stay firm, or I blow it. Ahhhhhhh. Oh well, going back outside with the kids.<P>

I'm no plan B expert by any means, but my understanding is that while in plan B you have a contact person to act as a go-between for any sort of basic communication - ie: a good friend, parents, siblings, whatever. Do you have such a person in place? She would have to ask that person the question who would relay it to you, and so on and so on.<BR>This would save some angst for you I think.<BR>

No contact. No contact. No contact.<P>Enjoy being outside with the kids. Zorweb an I are northward bound for our escape weekend.<P>See you Monday, 'tiil then, hang tough, buddy.<P>Godspeed and prayers to you and your family,<BR>STL<p>[This message has been edited by SeenTheLight (edited June 30, 2001).]

DO NOT CALL! If you set up the person who is to be your intermediary, then she is clearly being manipulative. She will try to test your resolve in what may seem to be the most insignificant ways. She's desperate for the tiniest bit of relief she might grab ahold to. Do not give it to her until she is ready to meet your criteria for recovery or you will weaken your chances and prolong your journey getting there. You've come much too far and been through far too much to fall back into her her world now. Plan B is about Rick!

PPPPPPLLLLLLLEEEEEEEAAAAASSSSSSEEEEEEE don't do it!! She is trying everything she can to manipulate you. Hang tough----come here or enjoy your wonderful kids instead of thinking about her, OK???<P>We're here for you.....

Rick,<P>In between chores here but do it (call her) ONLY WHEN she is ready to deal with you with the respect you deserve. Remember Plan B and listen to 'mother' (mthrrhbard). <P>Do I need to call out the LB Fairie?!??!? <P>L.

Hi Rick,<P>Thanks for the post and your support.<P>Be strong,thinking of you.<P>SAA

ditto the others. I may call you up and tie up the phone.<P>If I recall correctly, you specified communication as I will, by voice mail and e-mail. If she pesters you, further, it may necessitate an e-mail telling her to re-read the letter. Perhaps she doesn't have e-mail at home?<P>WAT

Part of the plan B crew here. Just here to remind you "Don't do it!!" You'll be letting me down... <P>Have your kids call her and tell her that you aren't doing anything tomorrow. Do you have your kids? Or are they with her? I guess if they are with her then you just don't call her back.<P>Eh. Maybe not on the kids. How old are they? I guess it depends on if you feel like you are using them. I think you can do this positively without using them, but if you did it the wrong way (like, I'm not talking to your mom, you call her and say we're not doing anything tomorrow - definately not). But if you just say, oh your mom called. Feel like calling her back? She was wondering what we were doing tomorrow, you can just tell her you and I are going out.<P>Maybe? Just a suggestion.

Rick,<P>The LB fairie would love to call your wife for you & explain to her how dumb she is not to understand email or voice mail & that if you don't plan on being around her or talking to her how could ya'll do something tomorrow. That her friends may have thought your letter was funny, that your friends think her responce is even funnier, that she has given us all great laughs & the LB fairie would love to contact OW mommy & daddy.<P>Sorry I am in a mean mood, 1st time for H to have both the boys & they are having fun.<P>good thing my time on her is limited.

Rick,<P>You ever watch a horror movie and the pretty young babysitter hears a noise upstairs, and like an idiot she starts to go up there, and you yell at the TV, "NO DON'T DO IT"<P>She's testing the boundaries, and in a very infantile fashion. Did she really need to confirm this? I bet she didn't. And the info you got from your friend confirms that she's still deeply into self-justification.<P>You're doing good. Enjoy annoying her!<P>Ish

Hi Rick,<P>Another Plan B crew member here.<P>Rick ... DO NOT CALL HER. The letter said it all. <P>She may use several manipulations (i.e., immature, manipulative, uncaring, mean, illogical (because of kids) etc.) You do not need an imtermediary for this instance because your letter said it all.<P>You have been meeting her needs, Rick. Perhaps just a subset of those needs, but regardless, those needs were obviously being met by YOU. Now they are not. <P>I also have another question for you. You mentioned in your Plan B letter that contact would be necessary only for an "emergency". Now I'm pretty sure of what qualifies as an emergency, but for reinforcement sake, can you tell us what an "emergency" will be? <P>Rick, I know this isn't easy, with being in Plan A all this time and being there for her. But your goal is only attainable if you're vigilent and consistent in your no contact.<P>You're doing good, things may get a bit more hairy as time goes by, so keep posting to us. Re-read Plan B literature if you have to. You don't want to wax and wain in Plan B Hon, it won't be effective and you can't go back after that.<P>Sending you prayers for strength.<BR>Lv,<BR>Jo<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited June 30, 2001).]