i am losing my mind. i don't know which is harder, trying to get this divorce from h or trying to get him back. so here's my update. and for those of you who don't know my story, it's in the thread "what is he thinking".<P>i picked up the first part of our divorce settlement yesterday and met with h late in the afternoon to start finalizing the whole d. it was the first time in 3 weeks we've seen each other and i must say my h looks like he's worn out (and he's only in his early 30's). anyway, i walked in with a very calm attitude and was pleasant in the way i dealt with him. i asked him about moving the rest of his stuff from the house and he said if i really want him to move his things, then he'll find a storage space and move out this sunday. i offered to get him the space and help him move (i don't know if he liked that too much, oh well). <P>then i proceeded to discuss the divorce and told him to review the papers. since he still doesn't have an attorney (and i don't know if he'll ever get one) he would need to have his signature notarized. again, i lent my support and mentioned that my attorney's paralegal is a notary. if he wanted, i could make the appointment and accompany him to my lawyer's office early next week so he could sign and turn them in at the same time. to sweeten the deal, i said that if he would like to have dinner on sunday after he moves his things to discuss matters (divorce) further, i'd be happy to do so. i even gave him the option of dining out or having me cook the meal of his choice. he chose to have me cook one of his favorite dishes. at the very end of our conversation, i asked him if he was going to sign. he waffled back and forth saying that he probably would but didn't know. then told me that if i was asking whether the settlement was fair, he believed so. now whether he wanted to sign, he said no - he has a case of writer's block. LOL! we both got a good chuckle over that. <P>after i left his office, i drove past his car and the curious cat in me came out. i still had the spare keys so i decided to snoop. i didn't find much except for a card in one of the compartments. the card was still in the store bag and wasn't addressed to anyone. on the cover was a picture of 2 bunnies and inside the text read, "some bunny luvs you". that made me sick to my stomach and extremely upset that he would still consider not signing the divorce papers. i was so tempted to go back in his office and rip him a new one. instead, i did the opposite and was even more nice to him.<P>he was working late last night so i called him up and said i'd bring dinner for him. we had a pleasant time. i didn't bring up the card, divorce, moving his things or us. in other words, i didn't talk about anything unpleasant. at the end of the evening, he said thanks for dinner and that he was looking foward to sunday (and i don't think he was talking about moving). i wished him well and went my merry way. shortly after, he called on the cell phone to thank me again and small talk. when i got home, there was a message on the answering machine from him. he said that he just got off the cell phone with me but wanted to call once more to say thanks for dinner and wish me a good night. so here's my dilemma...<P>i don't know where my h is in this mess but if that card's any indication, he's not coming back. so if he refuses to sign, what should i do?<P>1. bring up the card and call him on it<BR>2. don't bring up the card and try to talk him into signing - it's over between us, i've moved on, don't want him, yada, yada...<BR>3. don't bring up the card and let him sit on it for a while until he wants to sign (that could be forever)<BR>4. threaten to take him to court<BR>5. don't even bring up the papers and just have a nice evening enjoying each other's company<BR>6. tell him i've found my soulmate and that we have so much passion in our relationship that we can't live without each other and we're planning on getting married as soon as the divorce is final (of course this is pure bull but i've always wanted to use one of his lines against him - except the getting married part, he never pulled that crap on me yet)<P>and for those of you who are wondering what happened to plan b, it's on hold. i found that if i ever want to get anywhere with my h, being nice is a better route than being a *****. plus, it takes so much more energy being a ***** that it drains me twice as fast as being nice. hence, the plan A routine to get him to sign. i know it's twisted but i'm desparate to get this over with.
