Rick:<P>Hang in there. She is still pushing that envelope, trying to find where the boundaries are.<P>Tighten the screws even more, and don't respond except through whatever intermediary you have chosen.<P>Hope your weekend was great other than that (zorweb and I just got back from a weekend getaway).<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Rick,<P>Topie has an excellent solution. The filled out calender sounds perfect for you and your W. The thing is, how do you implement it without really communicating with her, perhaps email? <P>As far as the email communication thing goes, I would keep them very short, to the point, but sweet (Loving/Plan A).<P>You're doing a great job, Rick .... demonstrating to all of us that Plan B is doable with children involved, difficult, but doable.<P>Very Best,<BR>Jo<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited July 01, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> When you do give her an email or a voice mail, you can also reiterate parts of your plan B letter, not just the conditions of contact, but also some of the "plan A" type stuff, like you still love her, and want to work things out, but can't do it under the circumstances. I think it's good to remind them of the reason this situation exists.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>No, NO, <B>NO!!!</B><P>She’s got the letter if she needs a refresher; reminding her of all this would be meeting some of her Emotional Needs, and sorry, but that particular smorgasbord is now CLOSED.<P>Personally, Rick... I think giving her the pictures (or making copies for her) is meeting Needs too much as well, but that’s up to you. I wouldn’t do it. *shrug*<P>Just catching up after a weekend away, Rick... looks like things are going pretty well... a little rough around the edges, but you’re finding your way in this as well... great job so far! terri’s right... no matter WHAT your W does, you have already become a MB success story! <BR><P>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die

Rick:<P>Ditto WhoDat's assessment about the pictures and other things that meet ENs ... those are the province of Plan A.<P>Laundry tip: shoelaces should be tumble-dried. Do not enclose socks in the load as they resent shoelaces (must be some kind of bondage resentment).<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Here I was going over all the threads I missed this weekend, and it was right here in the one I already replied to. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> Reminding me that she wants our photo albums so that she can copy all the pictures.....hmmmm, I mentioned this on the forum or to WAT. I'm worried that I'll never see them again. What do I do. Half now and half later, or duplicate them myself. I can't really say no.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>In Plan B, you don’t HAVE to say “No...” you simply don’t say <B>anything.</B> <P>She’s not interested in the pictures, she’s just using this to test the boundaries and see what she can get away with.<P>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die<BR><p>[This message has been edited by WhoDat (edited July 02, 2001).]

WhoDat:<P>She asked me for them about a week ago, just after I knew my Plan B date. I realize that the purist thing is ignore her. But, can I really do that? Doesn't she have access to marital assets that are common like that?<P>Would it not be kind of interesting for her to see the chronology of our life as she goes through them? I don't have to have contact to let her have some of them.

Rick:<P>Once again, to echo WhoDat: No contact. If the marriage gets to the point where it desolves, then you can worry about splitting joint property.<P>She is pushing, pushing, pushing at that envelope, my friend, trying to find out where the new boundaries are. Don't stretch them (concrete and definitive rules work better than ever-shifting ones).<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Rick,<P>Don't go soft on us!!!!<P>You work with what needs to be done based on where you are at now. <P>When H was talking divorce, he said he needed me to set the financials together and a bunch of other stuff to help him get the paperwork done. Now did I want the D? No, not at that time. Hm..... So I calmly told him if he wanted it so bad, he needed to do it himself. <P>Guess what? I guess OW wasnt worth the time to do the D paperwork! One of H's excuse was that it was 'too hard' to do the D paperwork. Hog wash. H is just lazy and scared. Wouldn't even print out the forms from the cd he had. OW even gave him about 4 sites to get it done 'quickly'. <P>So, put the onis on her. She wants something, she can go get it. Make her apppreciate your efforts not take advantage of them. Maybe your W is not like my H, but you know, I wonder. Hm....... <P>How is day 3?<P>L.

Rick:<P>With every (pending) interaction with her from now on, simply ask yourself, “Does this meet the boundaries I myself set forward in the Plan B letter?” Is it an emergency dealing with your children? That is currently the only time you should be meeting any of her Emotional Needs. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> She asked me for them about a week ago, just after I knew my Plan B date.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Yes, but a week ago, she would snap her fingers, and in Plan A, you would jump. Again... is this an emergency? You’ll be deviating from your stated purpose, and every chink in the armor is one she’ll use to dig further. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> I realize that the purist thing is ignore her. But, can I really do that? Doesn't she have access to marital assets that are common like that? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>As STL stated... now is not the time to divvy up marital assets. If the time comes, you’ll be able to deliver copies of them to her with your head held high, because by that time you will have lost your love for her via your SUCCESFUL Plan B.<P>Either that, or there will be no need for a second set, as she will have returned via your SUCCESFUL Plan B. You’re in a no-lose situation here.<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Would it not be kind of interesting for her to see the chronology of our life as she goes through them?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Might have been... in Plan A. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I don't have to have contact to let her have some of them.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>No... but you’ll still be meeting an Emotional Need.<p>[This message has been edited by WhoDat (edited July 02, 2001).]

Rick:<P>WhoDat and I are in synchronized MBing here. Hmmm ... is that an Olympic sport?<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Rick,<P>I agree 150% with WhoDat and STL. Do not make any strides to meet ANY of her needs, and that includes giving her those pictures.<P>It was so hard for me too, Rick ... to transition from Plan A to B ... it does not come naturally. We're so dang use to doing everything we can for our spouses.<P>Jo<P>Okay .. I do wash my shoe laces by themselves in the washing machine, is that bad? .... I'm so embarressed to admit it ... but, THERE IT IS!<P><BR>Hey Orchid .. I think this is day 4 of Plan B for Rick. <p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited July 02, 2001).]

Resilient:<P>As to washing shoelaces by themselves that is well and good (no embarrassment needed) ... the problem, as stated in my previous post, is in the drying.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Pheeeeeew!!!! So relieved! Thought I was a bafoon or sumpin!<P>So ummmmm, what IS your drying technique, may I ask.<P>Jo

Sorry, Rick - I had no idea I was creating a monster on your thread.

Resilient:<P>I do the tumble dry (but without socks in the load) because it is against MB philosophy to leave anyone hanging out to dry, and it is socks that has gotten WS's into the fog to begin with.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Rick,<P>Sorry, how is day 4? I am on California and Hawaii time, so I am a bit behind. Does that excuse work? Otherwise, I may have to go into the fog and dig another one up. <P>Resillient, so your shoe laces are clean but how will they make the rest of your shoes look? Just kidding. I had my house repainted, looks good and now my windows look horrible. Never ending job. <P>Can I go into the fog and blame all my problems on someone else? Any volunteers? Oops, I forgot. I'm the BS not the WS. Ok, no fog......<P>L.

Orchid:<P>Good to see you.<P>No, BS's don't get fog (smile) ... they get smog from the smoke that WS's blow.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Gosh Orchid .. I didn't know you knew Fogese. My sincere condolences ...<P>(J/K Hon ) lol

Since we can't change the title of a post, I think we better retire this particular thread

Rick37- Stick to your guns. If you started Plan B I think you need to take the stand of "zero tolerance". I mean, if you give an inch you will set a prescendent, and she will have called your "bluff". You and the Plan B letter will lose credibility, and any future Plan B activity you may try to reinitiate will also not have credibility in her mind. I think you should stay the course.