adamsol,<BR>I didn't have to remove a cell phone but it was similar. I found a way to cut off the international calls that the OM was making to my wife. From my experience (three weeks since) it probably wasn't a good idea but it sure make me feel a whole h?!! of a lot better and more in control of my life at the time. Now as it turns out, it seems the problem would have disappeared naturally although my W didn't have anything to do with it. The OM brother, who was taking the calls from OM for my W, also left the country. Steve Harley told me I should have spoken with him before I took this action. Looking back, I think he was right.... Keep up the hard fight and don't let that roller coaster keep you down too long. I'm kind of down right now myself. She's over a hour late without a call home.....<BR>SG

Spoke to Steve Harley. He made alot of sense. I'm in a very tight spot with a wife that has all to many issues. I do love her and today she said that she wants the seperation. I told her that this family and her husband love her very much. Its hard to compete when your wife is carrying the OM cell phone. I said I hoped that she would return it to him. That I love her. She said that she cared for me very much but her life with me was a roller coaster. Whats important is that this is the way she sees our life , true or not. So what now ?. Any advice as to how to handle this, I feel very empty. I almost think that the D papers will be here shortly.

Separation is plan B, even if that wasn't your plan.<BR>To have any control of it you should tell her about conditions of separation: no contact with you at all.<BR>She may think at this point that this is good for her but be patient...keep going by the book...no anger...<BR>I told my husband same thing and at first I felt free as a bird when he left, but...you know my story...She may actually face reality only after separation as I did...<P>Separation is plan B, even if that wasn't your plan.<BR>To have any control of it you should tell her about conditions of separation: no contact with you at all.<BR>She may think at this point that this is good for her but be patient...keep going by the book...no anger...<BR>I told my husband same thing : I want separation and at first I felt free as a bird when he left, but...you know my story...She may actually face reality only after separation as I did...it took some time...allow it...<BR>

Adamsol,<P>Glad to hear that your appointment with Steve went well.<P>Is your wife going to move out? Or is she expecting you to move out?<P>I hope that you will not move and leave your children with her under the circumstances. <P>Z

Hi and thanks for all your posts. I will not leave this house or the children. My first responsibility is to the care of my children. I keep this family together. Today was the first day of camp for the kids; Did she walk to the bus stop with us and hug her children goodbye? NO. Where is she? I know the Fog. But we are talking about an instinctively maternal need to be with her children when they walk on the bus the first day.<BR>I can't leave this house and I won't let my kids down.<BR>I'm trying to Plan A her to death; the end game is to confuse her. The real end game is the children.<BR>She asked for Joint custody the house and a separation. I said no way. I told her I will not leave these children under any circumstances or the house and I want to save this marriage. I want our children to grow up in a home with two parents not one under the same roof. There can be no plan B until she realizes that the children will be with me, and then she might leave. The end result is that I'm fighting for my family and my wife, she is only looking out for her. Again there is a giver and a taker.<BR>

adamsol:<P>That is the way, generally, of WS ... they take from Plan A. The key to the plan is for her to take so much from it that she has absolutely no need for the OM.<P>One step at a time, one day at a time.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

adamsol,<P>Good grief you have grown over the last week or two. Your post resonates with strength and resolve. I am so proud of you. You are right to take this stance. It is the only one that will protect your children. <P>I took this same stance in my previous marriage. My XH tried to get me to leave (he was the WS and physically/emotionally abusive). I think he had a sick little plan that if he was mean enough to me I’d eventually leave, leaving our son and all my worldly goods. It was hard but I stayed the course. Now my XH is a particularly hard case… it was four years before he told me I could leave with our son. At the time we were living in a small town where his new medical practice was. So I left with our son, returning to our family home in Albuquerque. During those 4 years I went to counseling and worked on myself. I also did what is essentially Plan A. During this time I told him that I was not going to be his victim, but I was going to be the best wife I could be, and that I loved him. That at any time he was interested in repairing our marriage I would be ready to work with him on it. He never came around. But when I left with our son I knew that I had done all that could be done in that marriage. I am very much at peace with having ended that marriage. <P>I only hope that your ending of your story is better then mine. And I hope the resolution for you takes much less time. However, if you take the MB course and do what it right for your children. In the end, you will have peace no matter the out come.<P>My prayers are with you.<P>Z<BR><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Z. I'm having a good day, somtimes the ride I'm on tires me and yet I'm very strong. BTW your post was very sweet , Thank you..... You too STL.