Need advice here...<BR> My husband has been having what I thought was a 'casual' friendship with a woman he met through his job. I first became worried about this friendship (it has been going on 2 years) when I found a love letter from her to him on his e mail. I confronted him and he said it was nothing..she was infatuated with him, but he loved only me. I even involved his family and had his father speak to him about respect, etc. He said she is a nice person, and they talk from time to time. It seemed to be only her feelings. I told him I didn't want him speaking to her and he said not to worry, that he felt bad for this woman...that he felt her feelings would change and they could just be casual friends.<BR> Now a year later I find out that they are talking 5 days a week from his job, and that he is calling her 3-6 times during the course of the work day, and that he has told her things like (a coworker informed me of this) "something in me would die if you ended this friendship", and "you don't know how happy I am you came into my life", and "where were you 10 years ago when I needed you before I met my wife", and "other friends come and go in my life, but your friendship means so much to me," and (wow!), "there's no control anymore, so it's best we stay apart physically". <BR> From what I understand they have had lunch together but nothing more intimate. But I wonder if this friendship is a danger to my marriage. I confronted him and he says they are just friends and she is a great person to hang out with, but that it is just by phone. I see he is very distracted at home and not sleeping well.<BR> He feels confident in his ability to give up the friendship, but from what I understand from my coworker friend there, the woman has tried herself to end it,buthas observed that he keeps calling her, even after a period of silence of 1-2 weeks. <BR>Any advice?<P>------------------<BR>

P:<P>Your husband is in the fog. He is in the midst of an emotional affair (if not physical).<P>If you can sit down and talk to him calmly about how it is inappropriate for married men to have anything beyond professional, casual interaction with other women, and express you concerns.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Well, my Hs affair started with a "friend" who he happened to work with. Trouble was, she was my best friend and his friend and partner's wife. I was told it was only EA, but found out 2 days ago it was PA. It happened 6 years ago but the hurt feels like yesterday now that I know. He would write her letters at the office, she'd dress differently, lead him on, etc.<P>Turns out they had sex in her car (and a few nights before she came over with flowers for me) and once at her house (we were neighbors) while I had moved out. So, having a good friend of the opposite sex is very dangerous.<P>EVERY affair starts with talking. Telling your friend things that should be told to your spouse. Comparing them to you, etc. It can lead to no good and my life is an example of that. I have a very good male friend but I don't tell him anything my H doesn't know and I never email him from my own account, always our joint one. <P>After the pain I've endured, I could never inflict it on anybody else. <P>I am very depressed and unfocused right now. I feel like all the gains we made since 6 years ago are all a lie. He only told me cuz he had to for counseling, otherwise he said he would have taken it to his grave. I not only have trust issues with him again, but also female friends.<P>I hope your H wises up. Mine only did many years later and the price we paid was much too high. Good luck.

maggierose:<P>That is a hurdle: 6 years ago for him perhaps, but for you it is a new thing.<P>MarriageBuilders has a lot of information to help you and your H get your marriage not only healed, but moving toward a higher plateau.<P>If you haven't already, read Suviving an Affair by Dr. Harley (you can order it on this site).<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL