Been reading posts here for about a week. Read the book Surviving an Affair? Got website from book. <P>I've been separated for 4 mos. I filed for divorce in May. No court date as of yet. I caught my H's hand in the cookie jar in Feb. OW was a someone he introduce me to as a gay friend. This gay friend and her lover came into our home many many times this past year (BBQs, holidays, just whenever). I noticed the closeness of the friendship, didn't feel comfortable w/ it, but told myself she is gay. A little background on OW. She lived on the streets when she was 13, became pregnant at 14. Has 3 kids from 2 different men before becoming invovled with woman for 4 yrs. Now she is with my H. I can't believe this affair went on under my nose. I have asked him over and over again, how could he have done this to our family? His reply: I wasn't getting it at home, so I did what most men do!!!! I guess he's trying to justify it. It wasn't that I wasn't giving it to him, he was asking for perverted things, for example, be w/ another woman, expose myself to other men, go to topless bar w/him, put nude photos of myself on the internet, and etc. I didn't do those things, but I felt it wasn't right. H was not always this way, he seem to have changed in the last 2 yrs (becoming sexually more aggresive). In the last 4 mos he has beomce very disrespcetful, just plain mean towards me. I physically hit him (pretty severe) once b/c he told me that he did not love me and that there had been other women he's been with, and that he loved this other woman. Yes, I know I lost it. I have told him that I'll wait for him, if it is something he is going thru, he says he doesn't think he can ever be intimate w/ me ever again (ouch). So here is where I am at: I DON'T WANT A DIVORCE. I have totally skipped plan A. I know I have acquired many LB, I have cussed him out time and time again, plus hit that one time, I keep bringing up the whys, and the big one I filed for the D. (hadn't read the book when all this took place) I still love my husband (for better or worse) very much. I know he needs help b/c I think he is a sex addict. W/O reading your book, I ask my H for a plan B, to keep away from us. Not to have any contact w/ me or the kids. It has been 2 1/2 weeks and he has complied. I have not heard from him. Questions: What does this mean? Is there any hope for us? He has stopped wearing his wedding ring, why?<BR> My H was really a good person not so long ago, what happened to him? His kids were everthing to him, now he just doesn't seem to care, for example, we had big flood at the beggining of the month, many house got flooded, he did not call one during the night to check on us, again (ouch). How could he trade his own flesh and blood, for others who are not his? I don't understand. What do I need to do? I am seeing a therapist, she tells me to let go. Is that really the best thing for me to do?
