Hi Professorg,<P>You posted some info on MnM's post that caught my eye. <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by professorg:<BR><B> I found that attempting to find out what happened to your spouse before you met is a good starting point to help understand the behavior. THen place yourself in their shoes to figure out what you would do.<P>My W has committed adultery 9 times by my count. There may be more that I just don't know about. After finding that she was sexually abused as a child who doesn't really know how to deal with such things and a mother who also was sexually abused as a child didn't know how to give her a more appropriate respond other than get over it. The appropriate response from her mother would have been to listen to her and comfort her. These are the things that I have noticed that my W needs in greater proportions than I need them.<P>Leaving him will not solve your problem. Understanding him in ways that only God can show is the key. Does this mean that your pain is going to go away? No, but it will allow you to show your H the compassion that he needs so that he can be brought closer to God through you allowing God to direct your steps.<P>They deny everything because they like hiding in the dark which is where Satan wants them to be because it keeps them confused. The hardest thing for mankind to do is to admit that we are wrong. It is the pride thing along with a healthy dose of self gratification which only causes more problems for ourselves and the ones we love. Yet, it incredibly difficult to see this when you are in the dark.<P>During my searching for answers about my W's behavior, I found that she shows many if not all the signs of being bipolar (manic-depressive.) Sexual promiscuity is one of those symptoms. After the last adulterous act, she went inot a deep depression caused by OM not being faithful to her. Don't understand why she thought he would be faithful when he was committing adultery against God and his W. <P>She finally went to see a psychologist (who said that she was bipolar, found this out after we discussed beiing bipolar) and a psychiatrist (who prescribed effexor for the depression.) Hang in there. Keep praying for wisdom to deal with the mess.<P><BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>Your statement about hiding in the dark, their pride and self gratification keeps this endless cycle going really hit home. Yes, I believe that Satan keeps them confused and uses the OP's to further his work. <P>My H's family has been diagnosed with bi polar disorders. At least 2 of them have been diagnosed there could be more. H has not been diagnosed yet but I feel he is. H refuses to see a psychiatrist so we are somewhat stuck to help him from a medical side. <P>I would like to know how you dealt with the above issues. My H is now home but recovery is difficult. His pride has been identified as a big stumbling block to our recovery and is remorseful but getting him to take corrective action is slow at best. In fact when he moved back at the end of April, he continued contact with OW. All the while telling me he was not seeing her, he may have actually got her preg during this time. <P>This has been hard on me. When I learned of this, I was also preg (recently miscarried) and just today learned that H was constantly calling OW during May and 1st half of June. Then he confessed and asked for one more chance and has cut off contact with OW (or so I am told). I am still very distrustful and am losing my love for him at a rapid pace even though he is home and making some attempts at restoring our marriage. His efforts are slow and often requires prompting. I am tired of this and no longer have the desire to baby sit his actions. <P>I am angry and frustrated right now. Yes, I see some progress but wonder will it last? I am losing strength to hang on, yet I read that sometimes it takes about 2 years to see recovery. What happens during that time? How many backward steps will be taken? I know you can not answer all of this but insight from those in the know would be helpful. <P>Your comments on this will be most appreciated. <P>Mahalo,<BR>L.<p>[This message has been edited by Orchid (edited July 02, 2001).]

up to the top. Really need help on this one. <P>Thanks,<BR>L.

Stubborn woman that I am, I will try again to catch the Professorg's attention!<P>L.

Another try for Professorg......

Up to the top again - I am interested in his answer as well. (my H may have bipolar as well and refuses to seek treatment). <P>Good luck Orchid, I am sorry this is so difficult for you!!