What do I do with all his stuff? It doesn't look like he took anything.<P>He called her before he left (number was in redial).<P>He changed his mind about staying with mom, will be staying elsewhere.<P>He told the kids he was going on a 'quest.' What should I say to them?<P>Oh, guys I need you...I am so sad. <P><BR>------------------<P><I> Let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. </I> <B> Galatians 6:9 </B><p>[This message has been edited by Diva (edited July 02, 2001).]

Diva:<P>It is always darkest before the light.<P>Quest? So now he is Don Fogote?<P>As for belongings: if their presence disturbs you, box them up.<P>Prayers and thoughts go out to you,<BR>Godspeed,<BR>STL

You can always make me smile. Don Fogote.<P>It just makes me so mad. His clothes still there, his shoes still there, his supplements still there....I can't see that he took a dratted thing besides the clothes on his back...<P>Must have been in some hurry to be with her. <P>And I let myself be with him last night...guess it was 'farewell' sex. <P>I let the kids stay at Grandma's tonight. I went out with girlfriends so he could pack and I wouldn't have to be there.<P>I'm trying really hard to pray and give this to God.<P>Diva

STL is sitting here.. he says that Good Will is always looking for donations.<P>I'm of course, as usual a little more hard core... Put them in trash bags on the curb. Tell him to come get them. See who gets there first. Him or the garbage man.<P>But that's me.<P>Hope you are doing ok. We are concerned.<P>Z

Diva:<P>Hang in there. My H left April 1 and still has things here. (He moved them out of his closet, then to his truck, then up to our guest bedroom, and now they are in bags and back into his closet.) Pretty weird. Seems like the FOG really keeps them confused.<P>I have tried to keep his stuff put away though...it is just to hard to see everyday...when he is not here. Seems to help me. I even took all his plane pictures and family pictures with him in them down. He has noticed too.<P>Tomorrow is another day and with it brings new hope. Take Care

Thanks---do you really think that Just A Person is my OW? God I hate that phrase...my OW.<P>She quoted a line from one of the replies to my post and it sounded like she was talking about my post.<P>We are near LA, but she couldn't write her way out of a paper bag...<P>I'm really torqued at my H...trying to decide if I should change the locks...<P>I will be okay...I survived two alcoholic stepfathers...<P>I am going to read Secrets of the Vine again and a couple of prayers from Power of a Praying Wife. <P>I just needed to hear some kind words before I go to my empty bed....I also could kill him for last night.

Forgot to add, we have a yearly yardsale in our neighborhood....was so tempted to put everything out. Some lucky people would have gotten some priceless AF memorabilia. He doesn't know I close I got. Still might be an option....there is a fall yardsale too....I will see how he treats me in the next couple of months !!!!

Diva:<P>May God grant you peaceful slumber. Tomorrow is a new day.<P>Our thoughts and prayers are with you.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

MNM:<P>Let me know about the fall yardsale ... always wanted to collect some Zoomie junk (trade you a bunch of left-over Army junk).<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Sorry to hear it cali, know it must hurt bad. I am not in the situation of leaveing to live with ow, but when I occassionally have had enuf, and kinda think time to go, it is usually just with the clothes on my back. I am not sure why, think it has something to do with a new start, a break with the past. If I ever do go, I will leave my wife everything (house [free and clear], money, vehicles, whatever), figure she deserves it. I'd say pack it away if it bothers you, zorweb's thoughts sound like fun, but think they are a bad idea in your case, I'd reccommend keeping a low profile, and reasonable actions, your H is hyper-sensitized to controlling stuff of any kind. For what it's worth, my sense of your H is that he will come back, if you don't act in ways that keep triggering his desire to escape. Also the feelings for the ow are real (I think), but upon living the reality, and an appropriate plan B, I have hope for you. Hopefully you can get into counselling with harley's, if your H will ever see that MB stuff protects him, and gives it a chance, I think it might work well for you guys. I tried to tell him that, wonder if he read it. Marsha, you sound like a good woman, do your best with the MB stuff, and give it up to God.

sad_n_lonely<P>Hey, my idea was tongue in cheek. I am sure that Cali knows that.<P>Z<p>[This message has been edited by zorweb (edited July 02, 2001).]

ouch, that tong must really hurt your cheek, or is it the kind you wear ....... I still think it sounded like fun, but your clarification is noted, guess I will ratchet back my aggression opinion of you a notch or two.

Yes, she did .<P>I was actually heartened by the fact he took so little. I can't sleep. It is so quiet. I don't think I have ever slept in this house with no children or husband. It is very creepy.<P>Diva

Hi Diva. I am so sorry you have to go through this. Pack up his stuff if it bugs you, but don't get rid of it. Put it in the cellar or something. As for changing the locks, wait and see what happens. If he keeps coming over whenever he wants or starts taking stuff without letting you know (like my H), then change them. Otherwise, do you really need to?? No.<P>So, you are still in plan A, right? Or did you move to plan B? I suggest if you go to plan B to write another letter. It's too late to just say "reference the old one", it's been too long between.<P><<<<<<<<<<<Diva>>>>>>>>>>>

When Robert left, he took a couple of pairs of shorts, a couple of pairs of socks and a couple of shirts. I couldn't even tell if anything was missing.<P>I left the rest as it was. The clothes in his closets and drawers, his sports stuff, his hobby stuff, just as if he were home. I didn't change the locks, I did ask him to only come if I were home. He didn't honor that at first and stopped by to pick up some things about 3 times, just an armful.<P>If someone came by, it looked as if he were still there.<P>It didn't bother me. It gave me comfort somehow, renewed my strength from time to time.<P>He SAID he was gone forever, but it was only 7 months.<P>You do what feels right for you.<P>I'm sorry. I remember how it feels.<P>Lori

Diva,<P>Just wanted to drop by this morning and see how you are doing. I hope you got some sleep last night.<P>Do whatever you will with his belongings.<P>Most of all concentrate on yourself and your children. This is going to be a very hard time for you. As much as possible, put him out of your mind. And whatever you do put the OW totally out of your mind.<P>As for what to tell the children? Geez, he told them that he went on a quest. Do you need any further proof that he is in fantasyland? Are there any dragons in his world?<P>I do not recall the ages of your children. Tell the children the truth. Dad has moved out because he is very confused as to what he wants in life. This had nothing to do with them so do not blame themselves. He still loves them in his own way. He will be spending time with them. There are a lot of details to work out still but you will let them know when know things as you find them out. <P>Remember all the pain you felt when you found out about your husband’s affair. Now that he has left, you children are going to feel pain of that same magnitude. You need to focus on them. They do not have MB for support. You are it.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{[hug}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Z<BR><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

thanks Z.<P>My children are young. almost 8, 5 and 2. The almost 8, kind of understands...the 5 is angry, and the 2...well you know 2.<P>H had children around her when A was just starting...she has 2 young children, as well...so now they keep asking to go over to her house to play....<P>H does not understand why this is unacceptable to me...<P>I did not sleep much...I keep feeling so cold inside...like when I first found out.<P>I will leave his stuff alone for awhile. Will see what he has to say the next time I see him.<P>He did not take cell phone...both cell phones are in my name and I took issue with her telling him to change my message...<P>I hope he changes mind so kids can talk to him.<P>Thanks for caring.<P>

Diva,<P> My W did the same thing. She left with the kids while I was at work. She dropped off something for me and told me that she was going to her parents house for awhile. I came home to the house with everything in it as it was that morning when I left. I walked through the house and it was like a ghost town. I know that it is rough. You are there with all of the good memories that you shared as a family. I would lay on my W's side of the bed and look into the closet and see her clothes hanging there. She left everything and would come over while I was at work to get out of her parent's house. She would continualy come over to get stuff for the kids. I packed my W's clothes up the day after she said that she wanted a divorce. The next day I get a phone call. She asked me why are all my clothes packed up and in the living room. It was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. My heart goes out to you and your children. I to had alot of trouble sleeping. I still do and it has been 5 months. I will pray for you and your children. <P>Indy

A quest huh?<P>My H told his sister we were taking a vacation from each other. He took all of his stuff and I rearranged the house so I wasnt so reminded of him. He came back 8 months later. <P>Hang in there.<BR>Lora

We are in recovery now but I remember back in March my H moved out for a month - said he was staying with friends but was really living at OW's condo. He took only a laundry basket full of stuff with him. We told the kids that he needed to move out to ' think' for awhile. Our kids were 13, 9 and 3 at the time. They were upset enough by that idea. After he'd been out of the house for several wks I started telling them he was having a mid life crisis and that 'he was choosing not to live at home' I didnt want them to think I was MAKING him be out of the house. He came by alot to see them after work and I even let him stay for dinner some nights. I thought about changing the locks( my lawyer said I could} but decided against it as he isnt violent and hadnt tried to take things or mess with our finances.When he would bring up divorce during that time I told him that I am totally against it and that I would go for main custody and that HE would have to tell the kids about it- not me. I recommend not telling your children too much- after all you may end up reconciling and it will just make them more insecure and upset to tell them the truth. Instead I talked to friends alot on the phone and vented here. lifeismesy