Ok, I havent posted in about a week. And if You all know D-Day was back in Jan. Original D-Day was lat June with just a phone bill. Iam dealing with a manipulative wife. I have more evidence not just paranoida that the original OM is still in the wings. Just this past week we were on Vacation together (thought it might help). Well she was very removed or distant and very short tempered with me. I let 4 days go by and then confronted her good or bad with all of this. She said if I feel this way maybe its time for me to go. I said that seems like a cop out for you so you dont look like the bad guy. Conversation went in circles but I explained to her that Iam trying and changing and that I love her no matter what.<BR> The next day it was like a miracle or something, she was kidding around didnt seem distant almost like the old days. So what do I make of this? Where do I go from here? The fact is just 2 days ago she got beeped from him and about 5 days ago she had a unexplained absence from working late. You know the deal. well for more info you can see my past post that tells you where we are at with things like counceling plans etc. I hope I get some replys thanks for helping out, Bill

Periodic fog lift ?<BR>Jen

Wil12:<P>JenDan's on the right track: as long as the OM is in the wings, the fog will lift on occasion and seem denser on occasion.<P>Stay the course and continue your efforts.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

So what your saying is this is a normal course and time frame. Because I was starting to think its time to throw in the towel!

Wil12:<P>You are still in your Plan A, correct? As long as you reasonably suspect that there is contact with the OM, then she will be in the type of fog of which you speak.<P>Just as a prod: reread the Plan A/Plan B resources here on this site. Digest it. Then decide on what you are going to do with the towel.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Im kind of in a Plan a again after a modified Plan B. She is still in the house and saids she wants to be here to work on the marriage. we are in seperate and joint therapy.D-Day with full disclosure was in Jan. 2001. A partial d-day was in June 2000. Im able to get beeper records, she is still in contact with OM through the beeper and probably on the phone at work, there was a brief 2 hour overtime for her last week where I cant verify her whereabouts. Some say the fog, I dont know, maybe she's really head over heals for this guy and im waisting my time. Im a Mr mom during the day for my 2 little guys, im thinking maybe I should just pack it in?

No, don't pack it in. Her timeframe isn't abnormal. She's in the fog, or whatever you want to call it. If she is still in the house, then that is good.<P>Be the best Mr. Mom you can be. I'm essentially the same thing.

Wil12:<P>Ditto Rick. Stay with the Plan A. The fact she is out of the house works to your benefit.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

So you guys think this is all as normal as can be expected with a WS. She's following the course. I thought I was being more than patient and nothing was changing. Six months of this emotional abuse is within reason also. I'm just getting tired I guess. Thanks all, Bill

So C'mon is this time frame normal or what. Is she within reason with coming out of the fog or should I pack my bags because this is a women who wont let go?

will12:<P>The timeframe is not "abnormal" either ... in this regard (timeframes), each person's situation is unique. Partly because circumstances in each situation differ, and partly because each person's tolerance level differs.<P>Only you can finally judge what is "enough." The material on this site (Plans A and B) are there for you even if your spouse does nothing. In that regard, what is here creates a win-win situation for you.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Thanks for the reply light. I guess what Im looking for is that she is still in the house and in counceling. But also wont let go of the OM, is this normal for a WS in the six month. I guess Im looking for some guidance, Iam very tolerant but how long will she be on the fence?

will12:<P>The fact that she is in the house is a positive thing. Begin Plan A'ing as soon as possible (if you haven't already) ... meeting her emotional needs helps supplant the OM ... and boom, she topples off the fence on your side.<P>But you must truly try to meet those needs ... read <I>His Needs, Her Needs</I> and <I>Surviving an Affair</I> by Dr. Harley, if you haven't already. Discuss with her HER emotional needs, then move to fill them. Also, freely and in a caring, protective way, relate YOUR emotional needs.<P>Be aware, however, that she may still be in the fog. That's ok: one step forward, two backward is not an unusual short-term progression.<P>After you have truly initiated a Plan A, stuck to it, avoided LBs; only then should you visit Plan B. The timeframe between Plan A and B is up to you. It is my theory that remaining in Plan A too long is probably dangerous, because it is easy for the WS to accept the Plan A environment as a means to enable their A. There do have to be consequences to that behavior.<P>Hope this has helped quell some of the confusion you are suffering.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL