This weekend was hard for me. For those of you that have followed my story you know that my situation is kind of strange. Well my w has finally had the children overnight for the first time since she gave them to me in the last week of April. My wife called me on friday and asked if she could see the kids the following day. I said sure they need to see you. She did give an exact time that she was going to be by to pick them up. She said that she would like to keep them overnight. First thing that went through me was shock. She was only seeing them one time a week before. She is trying to setup a pattern for the court hearing on the 19th. I asked her where the kids would be overnight, and a first she didn't want to answer. I asked the question agian and told her that you always knew where the kids were at when I had them overnight when you had the kids. She got mad and said why do you have to be such a jacka**. I said in a calm voice that I though that that was inappropriate. That is when she told me that she was going to have them stay at an apt that she was living in with a friend. That really hurt. She did say that I was right and that she was sorry. She didn't call back to give me the time that she was going to be there. <P> I got the kids up a 7 am to get them and there stuff ready. My W didn't show up until 11 am. That really bothered me. She brought the kids back yesterday afternoon and I asked her why she came a 11 am. She said that I didn't give her a time and that she had to work last night until 9 pm. She usually works from 4pm to 2am. So, this told me that she was out partying again. I just don't understand people. It was a really hard thing to face. I kept my cool and everything. I just needed a shoulder to cry on thanks.<P>Indy

Indy:<P>The fog always seems worse when children's issues are involved. My exW did similar things (like not showing up for Christmas); showing up intoxicated. Very unsettling for the children.<P>Prayers and Godspeed,<BR>STL

[QUOTE]Originally posted by SeenTheLight:<BR>[B]Indy:<P>My exW did similar things (like not showing up for Christmas); showing up intoxicated. Very unsettling for the children.<P>STL,<P> Thanks for replying my W doesn't show up intoxicated. She hasn't missed any holidays yet, but she didn't have a birthday party for our son in march. She made it clear that I could only have the kids for one day the weekend of his birthday. That was so she and her family could have a party for him. I found out the next weekend that she didn't have a party for him. She told him that they were going to have a party for him, and then just kept telling him that they would have one later. She kept saying that and finally just gave him a little present. That really hurt me and our son. We have two parties for each child for their birthdays and this is the first time that they didn't. I am really hurting for my son. I just try to tell him that his mother loves him and that I do as well, but what else can you say to a 6 year old boy when his own mother treats him and his father the way that she does?<P>Indy<P><p>[This message has been edited by INDY_357 (edited July 02, 2001).]

Indy:<P>Unfortunately, with my exW, her partying spilled over into time with the children. I am glad to hear that it hasn't been the case, so far, with you.<P>My kids were older, so I had an honest and open discussion with them about alcoholism, affairs and why their mother was doing what she was doing. (Of course when exW found out, Kaboom!)<P>As for her putting off a party for your son: the fog drifts in, it drifts out ... and, unfortunately, it spills out onto children as well.<P>Continue to give him as much time and attention that you can in all of this.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

My W called twice last night. The kids and I were at my sister's house helping put a deck in. If it was so important to her to talk to me or the kids why didn't she call my cell phone? I talked to a friend and they said that her and the OM showed up at her parent's house last night to see my stepdaughter. If she had the night off last night why did she tell the kids that she had to work until next wed? Why does she have to lie? That really hurts when a mother just flat out lies to her kids. I am so tired and alone. I miss our family, but it seems that my W doesn't miss anything at all.<P>Indy

Indy:<P>It is a typical pattern (one that pertains to almost all WS) and it is also unique (it is happening you).<P>Plan A, Plan A, Plan A. The logic behind it is this: if you provide more of her emotional needs than the OM, she will falter in her A, and it will eventually implode.<P>You do Plan A as long as you are emotionally capable of doing so. When you feel that YOUR emotional needs and YOUR love are beginning to flag and erode, it is time to begin implementing Plan B. There is one danger in Plan A ... do not continue it for an overly-lengthy time; eventually it becomes enabling behavior (although it is difficult to quantify in an exact time period [e.g., 6 mos.], as each person and circumstance is different). In that event as well, it would be time for Plan B.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

STL,<P> It almost seems that my wife has put me in plan B. We have been seperated for 6 months. I have written her two letters. They were written in Feb. I just don't know what a plan b letter would do in my situation. My W is pay for child care of my stepdaughter, but not on our children. It almost seems like her and her family have cut the three of us away. Her parents love the OM and are happy because they have my stepdaughter.<P>Indy

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My W called yesterday. She sounded upbeat and happy. I'm not sure why. My daughter was crying when she called and didn't want to talk to her mother. I talked to my daughter for a few minutes and my W heard everything. She asked what was wrong and I told her that she was being a typical 3yr old. My daughter started crying that she wants her mother. My W heard this I told my W to hold on while I calmed her down. My W was crying again. I asked her what was wrong and she said nothing. I finally got her calmed down and she talked to my daughter for a few minutes. Once, she was done I talked to her for a minute. She said that she would call tomorrow and that she had to work unitl 10pm. I said ok. I think that I made a mistake and out of habit said, "OK baby talk to you later." I didn't even think about it.<P> I took the kids with the rest of the family to a baseball game that had fireworks both at the park and the regular city fireworks. It really hurt to be there. The kids were saying things about how things were last year at this event, and how they wished that my W and stepdaughter were there. I did the color guard for this game last year. My W was so proud of me taking pictures of me on the field. I just couldn't enjoy any of it. All of the memories of this family tradition really made it difficult. I just a alittle down today. <P>Indy