I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN AND I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE I'M TRASHING MY H. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH BUT EVERYTHING FEELS THE SAME. AFTER MY A. THE SCARIEST PART WAS THAT NOTHING IN OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS ANY DIFFERENT THAT IT ALWAYS HAS BEEN-EXCEPT THAT NOW HE HAS SOMETHING ELSE TO THROW IN MY FACE. I AM SO TIRED OF HIM TELLING ME THAT IF ONLY I WOULD HAVE BEEN THERE EVER TIME HE WAS OUT GETTING DRUNK THAT HE WOULDN'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ALCOHOL. HIS FAMILY CALLED ME A B**CH BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT HIM DRINKING. IN GENERAL IT WOULDN'T BOTHER ME EXCEPT HIS FATHER IS ALCOHOLIC AND SO IS HE. LAST NIGHT HE DIDN'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME. AT 1 IN THE MORNING HE CALLS ME AND SAYS HE NEEDS ME. I DRAG MY THREE YEAR OLD OUT OF BED TO GO GET HIM AND HE PUKED IN THE CAR ALL THE WAY HOME. HE DIDN'T SAY THANK YOU-I WASN'T EXPECTING IT. HE DID CRITICIZE AND YELL AT ME. I KNOW I HAD AN A. BUT I HAVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR FIVE YEARS AND I DON'T THINK I CAN DO IT ANYMORE. MY SON CRIES AND HE TELLS HIS DAD TO GO AWAY. WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO? IF IT WERE JUST HIM DEALING WITH THE A. I COULD DEAL WITH IT FOR YEARS BUT WHAT ABOUT MY SON? HE SAYS HE WANTS TO BE WITH ME AND THAT LAST FOR ABOUT A DAY AND THEN HE HATES ME-BUT THIS HASN'T EVEN BEEN ANYTHING NEW FOR ME. HE DID THIS LONG BEFORE THE A. PLEASE SOMEBODY HELP ME I THINK I AM FALLING APART AND I NEED SOME STRENGTH FOR MY SON IF NOT FOR ME.