I thought I would ask this question way before I have to deal with it. My oldest son will be leaving for college for the first time in about 6 weeks. I'll be taking him down to the university. Now this is a big event for me, my son, and I'm sure my W. and I know she will want to go and see the University and say goodbye.<P>A lot of you know I started Plan B about a month ago, so what do I? My son is 18; he's got a right to have his mom along if he wants, I guess, my W would consider it a nuclear LB if I told her, "Sorry, you can't come." So, any advice anyone? I'd be very grateful. Thanks.<P>Ish

Dern, these things are tough.<P>Seems you have no choice but to go at different times/dates.<P>WAT

Put your child first, behave like adults and give him an example to follow for the rest of his life...let him see that even his parents can have problems, and rise above them out of their mutual love for their child. You don't have to be lovey-dovey, just be there for him...maybe break the code of Plan B to discuss ahead of time...you're call.<BR>T

WAT - Thanks, that might have worked but it is too far to make that practical.<P>Twyla - Thank you. Behavior in front of the kids really isn't a problem at all. I really don't see any practical way out of it. I was probably hoping someone would say what you did, that this could be a case for breaking the "no-contact." I might have been looking for "permission." <P>Ish

Ish:<P>This is a tough call. If you went straight by the book ... Have you talked to your son about this issue? He might appreciate being treated as an "adult" instead of as a child. Tell him your dilemma.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

STL: Thanks! I'm going to do that. That's a great suggestion. This is the one kid who has seemed to "bury his head in the sand" the most. But you are absolutely right. Thanks, you Byzantine, you. hey, btw I didn't get into that debate on customs etc because you historical critics and we conservatives don't seem to communicate unless we can do it one on one. Just an aside, SNL... If I had my way, we would be following the ancient worship pattern in our churches (if that intrigues you).<P>Ish

Ish:<P>If nothing else, approaching your son in this fashion will begin the process of a father/son adult relationship ... a very important thing down the line.<P>Hmmm ... how ancient are we going back on the churches <smile>. If you want to start a separate thread vis a vis the origins of customs/religion, that would be great (or we can revisit: <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010066.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010066.html</A> ) or even correspond via email.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL<p>[This message has been edited by SeenTheLight (edited July 03, 2001).]

Ish...<P>I was gonna say the same thing as STL, but he says it sooner and better...LOL! (that man is amazing...no wonder Zorweb loves him so dang much!) As a teacher and father, I see all the time what kids go through in these situations. I believe STL is right in that being made part of the decision, rather than being caught in the middle of it all, leads to a better, more mature relationship with your son. It also lets him know that his feelings are important to you. <P>It's not an easy situation, but you are on the right track!<BR>Best of luck to all of you!<P>*Out of our greatest fears, come our bravest deeds!*<P>Trueheart

STL:<P>Yes indeed. This is obviously the thing to do. I was stuck in the box. Thanks again. And as for how far back, that's the beauty of the East, they haven't changed *that* much (although I'm not up on recent history - I would love it to talk about it; my email is naib@mac.com)<P>trueheart:<P>Thanks for the reply. You know this is a real blind spot for my WS. She honestly thinks that this whole thing isn't really affecting our children on a significant level. "They are dealing with it fine." Those are her words. Well heck, of course they are dealing with it well, they are good kids, we've paid attention to them and done a half way decent job, but don't think for a moment that this isn't going to affect them. It's life altering, and there's nothing you can do to change that, except put things back together. Sorry, got on a rant there. But this fog is so frustrating. Thanks again.<P>Ish