I've had a rough few days - Those of you who know me from when I first posted, know that I have had other things to deal with, apart from my husbands affair. All I will say is that bad memories are being 'triggered' every month and I'm finding it hard to deal with at times <P>Anyway - My WH had already told me that he wanted to have a weekend 'on his own', and I was relieved at this because as you all know, it's so emotionally draining to be in Plan A and I needed a rest too! Well, Saturday was fine, I took the kids to the movies and then on to a local coffee shop where they had a live singer. We got home around 9.30pm and I found an e-mail from my WH to say "Where are you? I've been trying to call you all day?"...this annoyed me a bit because he DID say 'go and live your own life' !!!! Well, he called again at about 10pm and asked where we had been, so I told him. We had some general chit-chat.<P>Sunday I was feeling really 'down', tired, drained, fed-up. I left the answering machine to pick up my calls because I didn't want to talk to him. Then I got a message saying that he had left his mail here and would be coming over to pick it up, whether we were here or not. I felt angry at this - I just wanted to be left alone. Anyway, he turned up and I was a bit 'off' with him - he asked if I was going to offer him a cup of tea, or if he should just go. I felt guilty and said 'sorry, I'm just tired today' and made some tea - tried my best to get into Plan A mode. Then he suggested we leave eldest to babysit for 10 minutes while we had a walk round the block, I agreed I needed some fresh air. We hadn't gone more than 100yards when he started telling me that he was thinking of buying himself a small house in town, so that he could get another dog. I just couldn't cope with this at all. I stopped walking, faced him and just said "I'm sorry, I really can't deal with this right now". Then I walked away and went back home. He carried on around the block on his own. My eldest was upset when she saw me come home early and she waited outside to see her Dad when he came back - she told me that he looked like he had been crying. He got in his car and drove away without coming in, or seeing either me or our youngest. About an hour later he called me and just asked if I was OK - I couldn't really speak to him, just said 'Yes, I'm fine*' and then put the phone down. <P>I don't know where to go next...I know he's still in contact with OW. I feel stronger today - but last night was SO ready to go straight into Plan B - I just couldn't take the emotional trauma of Plan A anymore. This morning....I don't know....I really don't know. Can't decide between continuing Plan A for a while, or going to B.<BR>I need some advice! My Prozac's been letting me down, but I'm going to the doctors tomorrow and will ask if my dose can be increased (I'm only on 20mg at the moment), see if that will help.<P>Oh - for those newbies that don't know my friends very witty definition of 'FINE' - here it is again <P>F - F****d up,<BR>I - Insecure,<BR>N - Neurotic, and<BR>E - Emotional.<P>love Paint.

Just a quick answer regarding when to Plan B. When you KNOW that you must go into Plan B, then that is the right time. At least that is how it worked for me.<P>I think it was NSR that said this to me not long after I joined, and I was getting really fed up with my wife.<P>The advice was right. The best possible Plan A until you just know that you have to switch to Plan B.

Paint:<P>Plan A, of course, to reiterate Rick.<P>Know that our prayers and thoughts are with you.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

You did great! No yelling! No screaming! Just very dignified.<P>I hope when I see my H later today I can be as dignified. You have been doing so well for so long.<P>[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[PAINT]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]<P>I am dealing with boys who don't understand why daddy won't be sleeping here. very tough. Also prevailing opinion seems to be plan A for awhile. <P>Remember second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day...go slow and breathe.<P>Diva<P>------------------<BR><P><I> Let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. </I> <B> Galatians 6:9 </B>

Hi Paint:<P>It is easier to get away from them sometimes isn't it...a break in the craziness....and then the craziness finds you again.<P>Please let me tell you from long experience that very little of what is discussed as going to happen ever does...so many thoughts and so much confusion in WS's mind...guess it's hard to make a decision about where your going in a fog that thick. But you handled it well.<P>I think it is encouraging that he felt comfortable enough with you to discuss it with you....or crazy enough either way...or that he was there at all. <P>I guess it was just time for "I see" or "That would be nice for you"....after all what reaction was he expecting! <P>Faye<p>[This message has been edited by buffy (edited July 02, 2001).]

Thankyou - I'm still a bit down, but I just got a message from WH on the answering machine - he wants me to call him - so here's my checklist:<P>1. Fake 'smiley' face ON.....check<BR>2. Plan A mode ON......check<BR>3. Love & Peace Aura radiating clearly.....check<BR>4. Deep cleansing breath.....check<P>Guess I'm ready to call him back now..<P>hugs, Paint.

I just wanted to add one more thing.<P>I agree that you should go to plan B when you know the time is right but Harley's book says to put a time limit on how long you'll wait-I guess so you don't plan A forever.<P>You are doing great Paintbox!

Paintbox writes:<BR><<<BR>F - F****d up,<BR>I - Insecure,<BR>N - Neurotic, and<BR>E - Emotional.>><P>I LOVE this :-Þ I hope you don't mind if I ask to borrow this time and again? <P><P>------------------<BR><B>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B>

((((((((Paint))))))<P>Hang in there,<P>Someone once told me, and I need to remember this myself, "Smile when you answer the phone, the other person can hear it in your voice." And if I think about this simple application to Plan A, when I wass first dating , I would smile when I spoke to her on the phone. <P>Smile!!!!!!!!! and keep plan A'ing your butt off. <P>Rick37 is right again.<P>JK<P><BR> <P><BR>

Dear Paint,<P>I am going to the stray on this one and say that your H is testing you out. H is giving you info and seeing how you will react. That what it sounds like and my H did that a lot, then hide behind the fact that he thought he was suppose to tell me everything. Later he admitted that he would bounce stuff off of me to make sure he was doing ok. <P>I figured that one out soon enough and when I stopped being his reassurance mode, he had to depend on his thoughts and Ow's endless rambling of plans, it really scared him. <P>You were right to walk away before you said something you might regret. Your H need to feel that and his later call appears to emphasize that fact. In fact, even his initial call and excuse about coming over and picking up his mail whether you were there or not was just another ploy to ruffle your feathers. See if he knows he can still get to you (while you are in plan A), do you think he will still keep this up? If he does, can you take it? <P>If you can't is that when you will go to plan b or something similar? Just my thoughts. <P>You mentioned something about your eldest, did she have something to say to your H. Do you let them speak their mind to their dad?<P>Protect your self and watch his actions. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.

<<<<<<<<<PAINT>>>>>>>>>><P>Don't go into plan B when you are in a mood like that. It's just bad news. It sounds like you are almost ready, but not quite yet. Do you have your letter written? <P>You did a great job, and I'm proud of you for walking away instead of probably causing some major LB's to occur. It took strength and guts!<P>Keep us posted.

Hi!<P>Feeling a lot better today - thank goodness. I haven't had a 'down' that has lasted for so long for ages! You guys really helped - I wrote on my dry-wipe board on the fridge door "Hang in there, Paint - luv from Diva, Rick, JK, Zorweb, Hurt, Orchid, STL, Buffy, Maezy et al...You are NOT alone!!!" LOL!! It cheered me up every time I went to the fridge and saw it there!<P>Funnily enough, I had the message "Temporarily Insane Alien with Moose Brain Worms!!!" written on the fridge when my WH came over....I wonder if he saw it?<P>Anyway - he called again last night and again asked if I was OK - I just told him that I was a bit down. He has Wednesday off work because of Independance Day and asked if we'd like to spend the day with him, then go and watch the fireworks in the evening. I said 'OK', so I guess I'm still in Plan A! I've been in Plan A for about 2 months now, after the initial shock settled down! I've got a time limit set for 6 months after d-day to review the situation. It will be hard going to Plan B before then, because of my daughters birthday and also we have friends coming over to stay.<P>Thanks for lifting me up again!<BR>hugs, Paint