How is it? How do you give your life history in one hour? Does he help? $120 is expensive... I've been reluctant, because our marriage counselor couldn't help.. My H got angry with her ( she supported me more because she could see how controlling he was ) I just don't know.. and I don't know if my husband would even try it. What does he say to someone who can't get past it?

Leighann:<P>Dr. Harley (Bill) doesn't actually do the counseling, his adult children (Steve and Jennifer Harley Chalmers) do. They are both terrific (I know first hand), and I highly recommend it.<P>Leighann: they'll need some background history, but in general they're not too concerned about "historical past" other than the recent past of the marriage. I started counseling with Steve years ago (and it was only $60). Still, I'm sure I rang up a bill over $1K. I'll tell you that it was unequivically the best money I have ever spent. He's a terrific counselor, coach, and motivator. Even if your husband doesn't want to "try it"---you should do this for a while. They have very sneaky ways to get the other spouse involved (by providing feedback on your behaviors).<P>The work that you will do is primarily to learn appropriate marriage skills and behaviors. The great thing is that you work with concrete plans---and you're responsible for doing the work. It's not as much a "talk 'n' vent session in which you beat up on each other: instead, you will provide feedback on your husband to Steve, and he will coach you in areas that your husband has mentioned to him. He'll do the same with your husband (if he participates).<P>I hope you give it a shot. Even if you decide to go 25 times (which is a ton)---that's only 3 grand. If it results in a happy marriage, it's a pretty damn cheap investment. Steve Harley is one of the primary reasons I have a marriage now---he was terrific! I had to do the work, but Steve was great as a mentor, coach, and confidant.

L:<P>I have not had the honor of talking to Steve or Jennifer. But ask yourself this: how much do you have invested in your marriage? More than $95 (some other thread mentions this rate) I would dare say. More than 10 times that.<P>So the investment is well worth the potential gain.<P>Just a thought for you to consider,<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

So, is it worth it to try it alone? My husband will be out of town next week.. I thought about trying then... on my own first, and see if I can get him to later. It would definitely be worth the money if it helped. Our biggest problem right now is that he can't get past it. (This sounds harsh, but he has ALWAYS been selfish, and it has always been about him).. so it doesn't surprise me.

L:<P>As I previously mentioned: only you can ascertain the net worth of your marriage. I venture to say it is worth more than a call to Steve or Jennifer.<P>Calling next week sounds like an excellent idea! Call their 1-800 number [now] to set it up! (Click on the Counsel link at the top of the page.)<P>Look at it this way: if you don't do it, you are already headed downhill, right? So you have nothing to lose and a whole lot to gain.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL<p>[This message has been edited by SeenTheLight (edited July 02, 2001).]

Leighann - yes, it is worth it to do on your own. My wife has refused to participate but I've found working with Steve to be very helpful with Plan A/Plan B stuff and getting suggestions for everyday interactions without LB'ing.<P>You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.<P>WAT

Leighann:<P>Yes, I think it is worth it. My W and I started with separate counselors here where we live but my wife was very discouraged at the her sessions. My counselor didn't really do anything for me in 7 sessions. That is when I found MB and contacted Steve Harley. My wife agreed to counsel with me, although a little reluctantly. Steve has actually counseled us jointly and individually depending on what he thinks we should be working on and where we are with each other. It has been a little expensive but I think it can be worth it. I've even decided to not replace my rust bucket of a car for a while so I have money for the counseling. Am I seeing any positive signs? Too early to tell but I think that maybe my W will be more willing to work this through with me now rather on dwelling on the mistakes of the past. Good luck.<BR>SG

Ok.. I've made an appointment for next week... we'll see how it goes.

Hi LeighAnn,<P>My H was very opposed to speaking with Steve Harley and would not speak with Jennifer. But H did speak with Steve and couldn't shut him up!!! <P>Steve's intro and closing lasted 10 minutes, H's session lasted 40 minutes and I had 10 minutes or less. Yet it was worth it. I am saving for another one but we have been having a hard time financially. <P>I highly recommend it. If not for both, then for you. <P>L.<BR>

Hi there,<P> Orchid, that's funny you said that about your H. Mine was the same way, when I asked him to counsel with Steve he balked and then when I said "it's just so that he can help me deal with things and get his viewpoint on my problems" that he eagerly participated! <P>In fact , like yours, he talked and talked......I really think it got him thinking and planted some seeds....although things got worse before they got better......<P>Leighann, I HIGHLY recommend it , it sure is cheaper than a D! LU

Leighann,<P>I hope this helps you, in fact I just discussed this with my husband over the weekend. I never called Harleys and I never went to a marriage couseler. I went to two AA meeting and had myself on anti depressants in the beginning months. Basically I read all of Harleys material online for free and implemented his opinions into my life.<P>I am very suspect about this message board.<P>Btw I was the wayward spouse and I followed the emotional needs part of Harleys opinion to a tee. I was in Plan A adapted for the cheater and by god it worked. Over a year later and my husband and I are like two peas in a pod. All i had to do was meet his needs and he in return met mine. It was way too simple.<P>Hope this helps : ))

Leighann,<P>I have a lot of experience with counseling both individually and maritial.<P>Steve has been more helpful in 2 months then years of counseling. I'm doing it solo right now, but anticiapte Ws to join with in 3 months. I believe I can save my marriage. Worse case, I come out happy.<P>Note: Traditional martial counceling is the least effective of all threapies with a 25% success rate. Harley's have about a 75-80 % success rate and it has been as high as 90%.<P>Go gor it, it's worth every cent!<P>