First the update, then the comment.<P>Update: (Zorweb got me to spill some of this on bluegirls thread about a week ago.)<P>I discovered my W's internet EA in April, posted here in early June. I had her read my post to understand how I felt. We then both did the EN survey and for lack of a better description we have been Plan A'ing each other <BR>like crazy since then. <BR> <BR>W went off the internet for about a week (her idea), but is back on now and appears to operating in a "safer" manner. Every now and then, she tells me something more about what was going on between her and OM. <P>I don't know if she truly believes that what she was doing was "wrong", but she has acknowledged that it hurt me and that she shouldn't have done it for that reason, but she needed support from someone. She compared the support I get from the MB forums to the support she was getting from OM (scary comparison). <P>We have just gotten through a potentially bad week. I traveled to CA for 6 days, leaving W with just D for company (2 sons at camp) . Normally when I travel I don't keep up very good contact. Phone calls are bad (timing wise) from coast-to-coast, plus I just have trouble conversing well on the phone. <P>This time I emailed about 5 times a day (and she emailed back - W does email). It helped that I left little love-notes hidden all over the house for her to find while I was gone - gave us something to email about. She even waited up until 1:30am (Friday) for me to get home!!!<BR> <BR> <BR>Comment:<P>Today (Monday) I'm in marital bliss. Nearly all my needs are being met the way I like them (in HNHN lingo). This has never happened before. I'm hopelessly in love. W can do no wrong. <P>Am I in the fog now?<P>Does this kind of turnaround happen? Maybe it was a wimpier EA than it appeared to be?<P>But yesterday (Sunday) I was going to send the following post (but never got it finished):<BR>---<BR>Could I possibly have PMS?<BR>I just don't want to be near W right now.<BR>We're both on the internet, in separate rooms. <P>We had a nice day today - took D to camp (2.5 hr drive). Very pleasant (being with W usually is). Talked a little on the drive. <BR>Argued with son about eating out after we got back.<BR>Then after dinner I got crabby. I tried to sneak off to bed alone (fortunately I didn't succeed). <BR>---<P>I seem to be having lot's of weirds ups and downs like these. (Very down just before my trip)<P>There must still be something bothering me. Details about the EA? Uneasiness about her being on the internet?<P>I'm certainly enjoying the progress we've made. I hope we can maintain it. Will these weird feelings pass?<P>Any comments?<P> -- Jeffers

Jeffers,<P>My H had an internet A that went ea/pa and prego. They are dangerous. However, you also appear to be suffering from symptoms that you may need some help on. Have you talked with Steve, Jennifer or a counselor? Your doctor may be able to perscribe something to help you calm down a bit. <P>You still have a lot of internal issues to resolve but you may already be on the path to recovery if your wife is cooperating. This is better than most of us here. <P>I have to run an errand but will check on you later. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<BR>

Jeffers:<P>Welcome to the club. Zorweb and I, after me ending my Internet affairs, have transcended a lot of that pain and hurt and have now gone on to a much, much better place.<P>Prayers with you and your wife that you reach that point as well.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Jeffers,<P>It sounds like you are on the typical BS emotional roller coaster. You will just have to ride it out. There will be some highs and some lows. Hopefull over time things will settle down.<P>And yes it is possbile to have the kind of turn around you are talking about. I suppose that a low intensity EA would be easier for your wife to get over.. there by making it easier for her to concentrate on your marriage. And you are probably not as threatened as you might be otherwise. But the intensity of the affair is not necessarily the key here.<P>I believe you know (think I remember your reading my story post.) that the situation I am dealing with, with my husbands affairs, is not wimpy or trivial. Yet we too have experienced a quick turn around. We are living by MB rules. We are both very happy and very much in love - romantic love too. I believe that our recovery is going very quickly because we are both putting 100% it, have implemented the MB rules, and we are meeting each other's needs now.<P>One thing we do is a weekly EN check. Each week we discuss how our needs are being met by the other.<BR>Z<BR><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

I can understand Internet A because this is real proof that lack of communication is what make's A possible.<BR>I am on Internet very often and it used to bother my husband a lot. The fact that I have friends with whom I get intimate on the net , that are not at the same time his friends. But what I did? I try to communicate with my husband about it and I try not to hide anything what's going on the net, to make him feel secure. Anyway what happened is that one of the friends (male) who live in UK is going to come to visit his uncle here and it was so natural for me to tell him that I want to meet him for a drink when he comes. Than I was for one moment thinking shell I say anything to my husband cause even if I don't have any idea of A he may get impression that I do. So for one moment I thought I should "protect" my husband and hide this. Than thanks God I found this site and found out about "radical honesty" and decided not only to tell my husband but also to ask him to come with me and meet my friend and have a drink with us. That I will do! I also decided this probably because now I feel I have a good level of communication with my husband and feel comfortable with this...I am sure he will take this right way this way…<BR>

Ah, the night shift, what a wonderful team! (I believe that CascadeofWater identified Zorweb as a "search and rescue" person - how fitting!)<P>So this the roller coaster. I always thought it had something to do with the vacillations of the WS.<P>Orchid, Zorweb, STL: <P>I agree with you Orchid, this is probably entirely about internal issues right now. I've been on a worse roller coaster for many years. I realize now it was due to a constant battle to get our needs met. Funny thing, that roller coaster had a time period of exactly 1 month.<P>About 4 years ago I thought all the love had vanished from our M. I'm normally a conflict avoider, but the pain of realization pushed me to question W about it - I was strongly put down, this made it even harder for me to ever talk about relationship stuff. I think we've been an affair waiting to happen for 10 years now. <P>I have found out that I don't have as many problems communicating deep feelings via letter or email. I can run to work and send her email, or direct her here to read my posts.<P>During the discovery cycle when I was in physical pain I sent an email to the counseling center referenced by my EAP. I thought the email was pretty desparate - but they never responded. After seeing what this web site had to say about counseling I'm glad (now anyways) nothing happened because I came here instead. The therapy here has been wonderful.<P>My wife thinks we don't *need* counseling, I think she sees a stigma attached to people who need counseling for their marriage (I *used* to think that too). But, she is very serious about working on our marriage and has done more than I would have asked. She knows how much I avoid conflict and knows she could easily avoid doing anything. I am so far very happy with her efforts/our progress and I'm not going to push the counseling issue (it could be a LB). <P>I worry now about the longer term. We have not explicitly laid out a plan. We did commit to meeting each other's needs and have talked about them in detail (that was actually fun, not painful). I like Zorweb and STL's weekly EN check - we're going to do that. Spending time together still sort of happens when it happens. In summer we're together a lot, but that's going to change when school starts up again in the fall.<P>I know Steve or Jennifer could help with these planning and checkup issues. Online safety and trust are still real issues as well. I'll see how I feel by the end of the summer about these things and may revisit the counseling issue.<P> Thanks all,<P> -- Jeffers<P><BR>

vbo,<P>If my wife were to make such a request to me now, I'd have a heart attack. <P>Actually a few months ago (before d-day) she mentioned that her friends wanted to come visit (drive 1000 miles) and that I could take them all out to dinner. I'm glad that I didn't say o.k. just to be agreeable (I almost did). That was something that gave me nightmares (after d-day).<P>Some people can do this type of thing. I don't think I could. <P> -- Jeffers