I would love to get people's feedback on my current situation.<P>My W has told me that she knows that the right thing to do is to reconcile. She has told me that she knew it was wrong, but could not stop. I told her it was an addiction and she agreed. She told me that she knows that my behavior over the past 6 months has been caused by her behavior. I told her that I have tried to be nice. She said that when it comes to me, she has put up walls. She has told me that she will cease all communications with OM and give me her cell phone. However, she said that the terms of her agreement are that she spend next week with OM to tell him that it is off. I told her that that wouldn't work and that I don't think I can agree to that. She said that those are her terms and to take it or leave it. I told her that I will have to think about it. <P>I really don't know if I will be able to handle it. I also don't think that she will be able to break it off if they see each other in person (OM lives in another state). At this point, the lines have been drawn: she will reconcile but only after she sees him; if I can't get over it, then the divorce is on. Any input would be appreciated.<P>S&C

Sounds like TRUE MANIPULATION TO ME! You let her go see him, what is your assurance that this won't bring them closer and then it doesn't end? No, this would not work for me. Unless she was willing for the BOTH OF YOU to see him together, to initiate NO CONTACT. For me, I wouldn't be able to agree to those terms.

SaC:<P>A doozy of fog-induced self-delusion.<P>Just honestly state that the form of breaking off the A with the OM is inappropriate because of the emotional harm it will cause you. So if her goal is to truly reconcile, she is creating a huge impediment for you by taking this stance.<P>Tell her also that her threat of divorce has you concerned as well: that it causes you confusion and emotional turmoil because you are trying to determine how a person can use reconcile and divorce in the same sentence without it appearing to be a threat.<P>Just some thoughts: hope they help.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

STL,<P>Actually, it was I who threatened divorce over the weekend. I found some things that really bothered me. Actually my W just left a message on my phone. I might be able to provide another update shortly.<P>S&C

Please do continue to update... I'd like to compare notes with you, s&c...<P>STL (as usual) has hit the nail on the head. The apparatus used to break it off is patently part of the overall act. If you promised someone you'd cut down an oak tree for them, you wouldn't get away with using a pocketknife to do it.<P>The conditionality also bothers me... It's either that way or no way? If she is serious about breaking it off, she'll just break it off, plain and simple, and why not involve you as well? That would show me real intention.<P>Hang in there! And read my post, if ya get a sec!<P>f_n