I can feel a numbness coming over me now.....it seemed to start yesterday.<BR>It's a feeling that it doesn't really matter what he does anymore.....he WILL do what he WANTS to do....nothing I can do about it. It's a feeling of almost not caring anymore.<BR>It's not to the point of me not loving him anymore.....but just being put through so much that what he does doesn't seem to really matter anymore.<BR>We have put up with his slefishness for 5 months now.....when do WE start to count. He says that the children are the most important thing to him....but he goes to bed without even telling them goodnight sometimes. Just gets up and goes to bed.<BR>His temper is getting shorter...which leads me to believe that his decision will be made soon....and it will be made out of anger.....not from really thinking about it.<BR>Why is he so mad at me for not wanting to let go and end this marriage?<BR>It doesn't really matter....he will do what he wants to do.....we don't count anymore.<BR>The pain our children will suffer doesn't seem to matter.<BR>The pain that they have suffered already doesn't seem to matter.....he just doesn't seem to care.<BR>I know he does deep down.....but he can't even give our daughter a hug now when she voices her fear of him leaving....he's so cold now.<P>I'm in just as much limbo as he is....not knowing what he is going to do. Waiting for him to make a decision that will affect the rest of all of our lives. It's his decision to make.<BR>I will be a single mother....he will be a part time dad....that is if he can get the girls to even go with him when he gets them. <BR>Their lives will be changed forever. I hope that they do not end up hating him when he decides to go. I say when because my gut tells me that he will go. He will go and he won't look back. This will be the last decision he makes....he won't change his mind this time.<P>Was it wrong of me to only want a family? A happy family where my daughters feel safe and secure....and 2 parents that are always there for them and always keep their promises. I fear that they will never feel that again...there are too many broken promises. <BR>

Miss Priss, the moon or our planet must be in retrograde, I am feeling the same way...<P>My H has moved out...though he is coming by and staying for dinner and putting kids to bed...<P>I know how you feel...see my post <I> Having fatalistic thoughts </I>.<P>SCREAM WITH ME----THIS SUCKS ROCKS!<P>If you have <I> Power of a Praying Wife </I>, read some of it to help center yourself. Remember this too shall pass...keep posting as will I and we will make it through this...<P>It will not end as you or I want it...or even how our WS's want it...but if we have faith, God's will be done.<P>Diva (AKA StrongerInCali)<P>------------------<BR><P><I> Let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. </I> <B> Galatians 6:9 </B>

It helps alot to know that there are others going through what I am going through. I feel for your children as they are the ones that are hurt the most by everything that is happening. A child doesn't ask to be brought into this world and they certainly don't ask to be put through something like this.....nobody does. But...it happens.<P>I want to run out my back door and just scream.....I could scream for hours just to let it all out....and would if I didn't think my neighbors would think I was going absolutely mad. I want to find a magic button that fixes all the hurts that everyone is going through right now. Fix it for all of us and our children that are going through this.....as none of us deserve this.....yet we put ourselves through it out of love for our spouses and the want of a family unit where our children can feel safe.<P>I feel like singing a song now........oh<P>I'd like to teach the world to sing....in perfect harmony.........oh well.....at least I got a laugh out of myself.

That's it Miss Priss...<P>Humor...it is the glue that will keep us 'together.' Even gallow's humor has a purpose.<P>I'm going to go upstairs and take a bath and hope the oldest two boys don't kill each other...the youngest is napping...oh, that they were all still at napping age .<P>Hang in there,<P>we'll make it.<P>Diva

None of you are alone. These feelings are felt by me as well. But I keep myself in check and don't give in to them.<BR>I am praying they are feelings of depression and will pass. <P> I am soooo tired of the one-sidedness of it all. My WS(W)hasn't left. She isn't seeing OM that I know of. There are times she acts like she wants to fix us. But she does zero, zilch, nada to help. <P> I keep thinking I'll post my whole story on MB, but something stops me. Oh well. <P> Hope you feel better Miss P. Maybe we ought to consider taking control of the decision. Plan B time? I don't know if I am at that point yet. <P>

It is good to let go, there really isn't anything you can do. and he might not go. You might be better off without him.