Hello My Friends,<P>Well still no reply to my message that I sent him and with the time difference where he is there will be no reply tonight.<P>I know now,thanks to all you wonderful people,that I have to get myself strong and well.It is not easy but I WILL do it and that is a promise to you all.What I am wondering is how do I plan A now? What can I actually do when H is out of the country.From his reaction so far he does not seem that he 100% wants a divorce,although he says that he does.<P>I am taking care of "me" at the moment and trying to do all the right things,ie counselling,medication,keeping busy etc<BR>But what can I do for the marriage?<P>Sometimes I feel as if I am taking from this site and not giving in return.I read all your posts and feel all your pain but don't know what to say or write because I have no experience.<P>Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you all.<P>Thank you<P>Sad (no longer alone)<P><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<my friends>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

What are you talking about? You give me hope and encouragement every time I read your posts and see you growing stronger and better everyday. You do give back, more than you know.<P>As for what you can do... Hmmm... Y'no I'm sure there's a book out there that talks about how to be romantic in long distance relationships (same basic concept). You can mail him packages or letters just showing your love for him and how you are getting stronger everyday. Does he like a special kind of food, or cologne or you can draw him a picture. Don't do it that often, or else it will get to be too much. Maybe once a week, just to let him know you are still here and still care.<P>Any other ideas anybody??

Yeah, I'd keep it very limited, but insanely clever when you do send something... But you've got the most important part down: you, you, you... Work on you!<P>Or as my friend says, don't agonize, or sit around and do nothing. Always be D.S.E...<P>Doing Something Else!<P>f_n

Hello Everyone,<P>Good idea,I can still have contact even though it is not direct.H always buys a certain magazine when in UK.I have ordered it for him on an annual subscription.Sent him an email saying I hope that he is well and had a good trip and that I know how much he enjoys reading and that he should receive the magazine in a week or two.Also mentioned that if he needs anything else sent just to let me know. Ended with always in my thoughts and in my heart.I will leave it for a few days now,is this too heavy or inappropriate?Please let me know.<P>As I said I have no experience on these things and welcome any advice.<P>Thank you all.<BR>Sad (no longer alone)<P>HBH<BR>Am doing all the things you suggested,can I invite you over to share that glass of wine with me??? :-)<BR>

Hi Sad,<P>For quite a while I 'Plan A'd' by e-mail - it can be very effective as you get time to really think about what you are saying. Keep it light and friendly, maybe send some jokes to him, or a funny e-card. I signed off my e-mails with a simple 'love, Paint' or 'hugs, Paint' or 'Paint x'.<BR>not too heavy. are there any sports he follows in England? My WH is a Leicester City Soccer supporter, so I get my cousin in England to e-mail me with snippets of news, then I forward them on to him...<P>But - the most important person to take care of is still YOU, OK? If you feel good, it will show in your e-mails!<P>hugs, Paint.

Sad, that was an EXCELLENT plan A idea!! Very thoughtful, yet not too overwhelming. Yes, definately let it sit for a couple of days / week before doing anything else. Don't want to overwhelm the guy afterall.<P>I like Paint's idea of email, do you have access to email him stuff? It could be very easy-going. A joke-a-day type thing(I have a bunch I could forward you). It lets him know you are still there, but there is no pressure.<P>I would love to come over and have a glass of wine with you!! Too bad you are on the other side of the ocean. LOL.

SaA(nl);<P>Good stuff coming your way right now...just take it nice and slow...it will not happen overnite.<P>We're here for you.<BR>FB

Sad:<P>As always, your Plan A instincts are superb! Keep up the good work.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Sad - OK, let me throw you a curve ball. Do they throw curve balls in Cricket?<P>A major portion of Plan A can BEST be performed alone. Examine yourself and identify what problems you contributed to the marriage. Ask your H in an e-mail if he will tell you what things YOU need to fix, if he hasn't already.<P>The hard part, as you have identified, is how to demonstrate your repairs. So, prioritize your actions during your rare direct contact to demonstrating your fixes.<P>Got it?<P>WAT

WAT,<BR>Yes I got it! <P>However have just had another "spanner thrown in the works". He emailed me saying that he thinks it best if we sold our house so we can both move on and put everything behind us!!!! <P>Have not replied yet as I really don't have any idea what to say.<P>Happy 4th July to all my friends the other side of the ocean.<P>Thank you<P>SAD (no longer alone)

Sad - yea, this "wrench" is frequently tossed about by WSs. In their fog, they sincerely believe it. <P>Your options are to 1) ignore it and don't respond, 2) reply with something like, "That time may come."<P>Whatever you do, DON'T start an argument about it.<P>The hardest part about these things is adopting a strategy that you can't take this personally - just sit back and watch. The best thing to do to hasten the end of an affair is to not interfere with it. This is NOT giving up. It's allowing the affair to take its course to destruction.<P>WAT