People, I don't where I am or what I'm doing... I think I'm Plan A'ing... but am I? You all be the judge:<P>-W has been having A; I revealed that I knew all about it last week; since then, no visible resentment from her<P>-W says A is pretty much over; is mad at OM, but also realizes that if she and OM were to ever have a relationhip in future, A couldn't continue <P>-Ditto for she and I; wants separation so that she can work on herself and figure out what's going on inside; is "making no promises" but thinks that it is possible that we can work it out in future<P>-We have agreed that I will move out in a few weeks but will still have key and spend lots of time with daughter (my step-daughter), but no mention of whether W and I will spend time together, too<P>-Says she still loves me, but only when asked.<P>-We have not since talked about who ended A, or if she's contacted OM since then<P>-I am trying to meet as many ENs as possible, but we have never talked about ENs per se, or even MB... She's told me some things she likes about OM, and I'm trying to do one better... These included "He gives me good advice" and "He doesn't let me get away with anything" Am also continuing to do the "little things" I've always done (making coffee, ironing a few things for her, listening to her problems at work, etc.)<P>-According to W, the primary reason for A and W's unhappiness is buildup of resentment from my role in her previous D... Yes, we had an A -- I was unmarried. There's a lot more to it, but yes, I am getting what I deserve. Or at least what I should have expected. But she and I really do have a tremendous amount of potential together. XH has proved to be emotionally unavailable and thus very cold and indifferent to her. Current OM is not a keeper either: drinks too much, has had series of A's (mostly 1NS) with other women, but has lots of $$$. Me? I'm perfect! But seriously, folks, inseparable bond has developed between step-daughter and myself, and I do consider myself to be a sensitive, caring husband.<P>-Am focusing on taking care of me, as well... Making my needs a priority in MY life... Like taking the time to work out, to write, etc.<P>What is happening? It feels like I am just sort of helping her to feel better about the situation by being so *nice*, thereby implying that her actions have not hurt me.<P>I am avoiding LBs at all costs, but can I ask her about the status of contact with her and OM? Can I ask if it's over? Can I request that we talk MB and ENs?<P>I'm trying to find that narrow place between continuing to love her and care for her as much as possible (Plan A) and taking care of myself and my interests, remembering that in the blink of a cell phone call, the A could be back in high gear.<P>In Plan A, do you have a right to know about the status of the A? Plan A isn't about ultimatums, right? But can it be about verbalizing what you want out of the relationship? Can I ask her out on "dates"? What if she doesn't want that b/c she wants to be by herself right now to sort things out?<P>Do I Plan B when I move out? Do you Plan B if the A is supposedly "over" but she is in limbo on whether or not to work on the marriage?<P>I really didn't mean for this to go on so long. Sorry!
